Hah–that’s exactly what Dominic said when the video was playing: “it sounds like they’re saying pussy cow…”
I’ll eat a bug!
Portland has Outrageous Audio. I’d link to more of them, but I don’t know anyone who can sit through more than one.
Let’s see if you can top a Vern Fonk Christmas from Seattle. It’s easily the weirdest one I’ve ever seen.
AAAAAHH! that guy is going to haunt my dreams
Here in Phoenix it’s Howie World, hands down.
I only found one commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INTU3955mDE
In my favorite/most horrid, he wears a cowboy hat, western shirt and big furry chaps, rides in on a stick horse and delivers the, “At Howie World, we shoot down the competition,” tagline with finger guns.
Ahhh! When I lived in Vancouver we used to see the disco-themed Vern Fonk ad all the time. It was especially annoying because it wasn’t even especially local for us - we just got it on a Seattle network (not that I’d buy insurance from that guy anyways). That was about 10 years ago, so it’s interesting that he’s still making crappy ads.
Saw one for a local car dealer yesterday that featured a dead guy, a sexy nurse with lotsa cleavage, and the car dealer resurrecting the dearly departed with news of some great deals on prices. Included am almost full shot of an open hospital gown. Thought it was a Chevrolet dealer but can’t find anything on it. Will keep looking.
There is this New York firm whose number is 1-800-PainLaw. The commercials are like, “Do you have pain, you need law, 1-800-PainLaw”. And they don’t even encourage you to think about it. If you’re in pain you deserve some kind of settlement.
I can’t find a video but they are hilarious.
I haven’t seen that one yet. Ever seen the one for the VIP Club? Seems like a normal strip-club ad – also Gallagher’s is weird with the aliens – and at the end it has some weird dude yelling into the camera saying, “IT’S THE VIP CLUB! IT’S ABSOLUTELY INSANE!” with crossed eyes. I guess it’s a crazy eddie take-off but it just comes off as weird.
No, I haven’t seen that. There is of course teh Robin Byrd show that runs for hours on Channel 35 on Time Warner Cable. 80s porn with an ugly chick announcing.
Here on Colorado’s Front Range, the king of cheezey local TV commercials is American Furniture Warehouse, which in the '70s and '80s featured said store’s owner, Jake Jabs (Popular joke in Colorado junior high schools: Q: Why does no one bend over at American Furniture Warehouse? A: Because Jake Jabs) romping on his store’s wares with lions, tigers and chimpanzees (here’s a kind-of-horrifying outtake in which the lion’s about two seconds away from killing Jake). In the last fifteen years or so, the animals have been phased out in favor of more typical “cute grandkid” stuff.
And during the election, Jabs made some terrible ads in favor of the anti-union measures on the Colorado ballot, ostensibly because “Colorado’s not a right-to-work state,” but the fairly transparent subtext was, “I really, really don’t want AFW employees to unionize.”
The heir-apparent to Jabs is Rocky’s Autos (of whose commercials a fairly typical example can be seen here), taking cheeze to sublime new levels.
What the hell?! What’s the deal with the birthing commercial? some weird take on the word “delivery”?
This has shaken loose some more memories of crummy car dealer ads from my childhood. The unifying theme between these two is the absurd helicopter shots of the lots.
Celozzi-Ettelson, Where you always save more money!
And Long Chevrolet. Chicagoans will remember this dealer as the one who dressed his nephew as a newsboy who’d hold up fake newspapers with headlines like CHEVETTES $3995 or whatever the price was, all the while screaming it out “Extra! Extra! Chevettes for thirty-nine-ninety-five!” and then he’d toss the newspaper to read off the next. Naturally, he’s doing this while superimposed on those helicopter and long dolly shots of cars stacked bumper to bumper in the lot.
Ultimately, they retired the kid, but with a twist. He’s doing the usual obnoxious “Extra! Extra!” bit when he gets to the last paper, he reads off: KID GETS PIE IN FACE <splat!> Sadly, I can’t find a video clip of this. I at least managed to find a pic of the kid here. Now a mortgage broker, Timmy Long said the headline and the pie was a complete surprise to him.
It’s now world famous! Enjoy “Pimpdaddysupreme’s” mashup with the Pet Shop Boys’ “Minimal” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8XmhNF0Vkw
And they like to YELL for no reason.
I can’t find any of the commercials with the crazy laughter, though.
For this area, Bob is the king of annoying local commericals (there’s more shouting in the newer commericals than the only one I could find online). People even make parody commericals! This one is just like a real one, but imagine adults and uglier funiture.
Last week I was watching something with my mom, and there was a funiture commerical for beds, but the way they were drapped with blankets made them look like they were caskets with flags on them. We looked at each other and had the same thought - 10 or 15 years from now, we’ll be seeing commericals for Bob’s Discount Caskets.
“You’d expect to pay $5000 for this mahogany casket, but not at Bob’s! At Bob’s Discount Caskets, we’ve got the same coffins as those other guys, but ours cost much less! You can get our BobbyCasket for only $2999! And we’ll even give you matching end tables, so your love ones can remember you in you place of enternal rest. We’ll help bury you for less!”
Here in St. Lou, we would like to share with you all the horror that are Dirt Cheap’s commercials. There are many; that may well be the worst of the lot.
Sure, we have many, many, many bad local commercials – Becky Queen of Carpets, the Slyman Brothers, stupid Brooke and his sister from Carol House, that other appliance store that was always blathering about being closed on the Lord’s day… but Dirt Cheap really wins the prize.
There are links to his ads on that horribly 80s website. What I like about him is his complete lack of caring. He throws some dollars on his head and wanders around the store mumbling incomprehensibly about his products at breakneck speed and obviously off the top of his head. No effort involved whatsoever.
You haven’t seen Vern Fonk until you’ve seen Shipoopi. I’m not sure why anyone would buy insurance from him.