Yeah, just go up to him and say “Did you know you tend to give unhelpful answers? Do you know why do you do that?”
My instinctive response to such answers would be to be an ass right back. You want to learn somebody how to answer questions right, make them regret answering wrong.
HIM: We’re meeting at Jenny’s house at 7.
ME: Should I bring anything?
HIM: Yes.
ME: Okay, I’ll just bring myself then. You’re bringing everything else, right? I’ll just call ahead and let her know you volunteered.
ME: Where is Jenny’s house?
HIM: In Salem.
ME: Inside the cat? Are you nuts??
“Here’s the directions: Turn left at the gas station, then right at the oak tree, then two streets down, turn right at the church, then it’s 2nd house on the left.”
“Or, you could go straight at the gas station, loop around on circle drive, then through one light and left at the church and the house is right there.”
“Or, you you could turn left at the burger place three blocks past the gas station, then veer left at the Y and turn onto the dead-end street. When you are half way down that street there is a little access road that is usually open, you can just go down that to get to the next street and then you will be behind the church, from there just go around to the other side and the house right there.”
“Or, if you want to come up I27, you would take the exit one earlier, the one near that giant car vending machine thing, it’s technically exit #14B, but the sign is a little confusing so just look for…”
By the time the process is over, I’m typically aware of every major street and landmark in the city, and I still don’t know how to get where I’m going.
Is your library management aware that this is how you respond to library users? Because I imagine it’s got to make for a really excellent review come raise time.
Don’t snicker. I type alot of words on this MB. But IRL I’m very quiet.
I tend to wait on questions to speak to people. It drives my family nuts.
I’m not doing it to be contrary. Sometimes I’m just not able to speak.
I usually don’t think I have any pertinent info to add.
If you ask a direct info needed query, I’ll answer with as few words as possible.
You: Is Sue bringing pie?
Me: Yes.
I’m not adding what kinda pie or the fact that Sues pies are not great. Unless you ask.
You: Is Sue bringing Apple Pie?
Me: I’m not sure if it’s Apple or Peach. But she’s bringing pie.
Ask direct questions to your friend. Or call Jenny and ask her can you bring something.
Odds are is he is deliberately being a jerk. If so, your response could be, “Please don’t be deliberately annoying, give me a useful answer.” If he makes even more of a game of it, walk away.
There is also, however, the possibility he is more socially stupid than malicious. That is, he thinks he is schooling you about language, or he developed the habit as an amusing tic and then, not realizing how dickish it is, kept doing it. Or, he is a vague listener and can’t be bothered to respond fully because he doesn’t care enough about other people.
My husband (along with most of his siblings) has a strong habit of avoiding answering anything directly or seriously. He evades, ignores, jokes, anything to avoid answering. I don’t know exactly why (and if you asked him, he would evade, ignore, joke …) It is a habit he doesn’t seem able to even see in himself much less change. This is why I hesitate to come down wholly on the “he’s being a jerk” side.
Your friend Bob ------ is that not his real name and is he dead by any chance? If so he may have been my father. I got home once to the following message on my answering machine “Dad here. Guess I have to sleep alone for a while - your mothers in the hospital”. Click. And when I tried to call back, no answer. Slight panic. A couple hours later; bigger panic. Called an old friend who was a chief nurse at one of the hospitals – what do I do? She made some magic on the computer and learned mother was in HER hospital, had broken her hip, and was scheduled for surgery in the morning. As I was getting up that AM to head for the hospital the phone rings – “Dad here - can you pick me up in about an hour? Your mother is having a pin put in her hip”
Yeah – I know. And any good reason I couldn’t reach you when I tried to call back? “I unplugged the phone so I could get some sleep”. Well I’m glad one of us did. :smack:
It was actually more a ROFLMAO by the end of the day. But Dad was always like that. A sentence was usually less than 10 words and a paragraph was one sentence long. Every exchange, every conversation, contained at least one round of Twenty Questions. Rarely did it annoy me; I didn’t know it was unusual having grown up with it.
Now his one BIL – my Uncle Gunny – with him the rule was never reply to a question with a question. If he asked if you wanted to go to the park either say yes or no. If you asked “what for?” you got a never-mind and he went about his business. The stuff he came up with – either in cases like the above or something simple like “got any plans?” were always such fun and/or such an adventure that we learned to always say yes or no ---- usually yes. And again, it was just something in our lives we dealt with.
I knew someone kinda like that once, and it was totally a power trip/dominance thing. The grownup equivalent of playing Keep-Away (where a taller kid dangles something juuuust out of reach of a smaller kid) or of taunting someone with “I know something youuuuu don’t know!”
Those kids on the playground, that you remember pulled that shit? They grow up into people like OP’s friend.
What the hell are you two on about? A (hypothetical) person I am interacting with is annoying me and in return my interactions with them become less than polite and engaging. The longer the annoying person continues to persist the less polite and engaged I become until my interactions become monosyllable.
When did I say the other person is responsible for my behavior? I acknowledge my actions range from less than polite to assholish and I’m ok with that. Passive aggressive is not something I would have ascribed to my actions…but the shoe does seem to fit so…
Where did I say that I expect others to abide by rules that only exist in my head? If anything the annoying person who expects me to engage when I’m obviously not interested is the one who is expecting me to abide by the rules that exist in their heads.
I’m just spit balling here, but one example is that you are assuming that everyone should somehow know not to ever ask you where Jenny’s house is (or any other person other than your own house) because you aren’t Jenny.
For most humans, that type of question falls within a category of interactions that is firmly in the “ok” bucket because it’s typically asked in a context in which there is a reasonable chance the answer will be known by the person being asked.
Not only is it reasonable, it’s actually kind of polite and efficient in a crowd not to inundate one person with all of the questions, but instead to spread out the process of distributing information.
So, that’s an example of a rule that is in your head but not really an agreed on social convention.
On a visit to their place, he told me to clean up a spill with three paper towels. No more, no less, I suppose. No it wasn’t ironic and it had nothing to do with Holy Granada.
If we are all supposed to walk on eggshells around you and remember what social norms you do and do not abide, then your behavior is problematic and by definition dysfunctional.
You guessed right about the library patron’s question. This is called human language. “Literally” doesn’t always mean literally. “Do you know …” isn’t always a yes/know question. Most of us learned this in elementary school.
Do I need a cite? “Knave, knowest thou the way to the Leaky Teat Tavern,” from Shakespeare, perhaps?
But this isn’t about someone making idle chit-chat over the cubicle wall. In the OP’s example YOU are the one that initiated the conversation about Jenny’s party. Don’t get pissy about people asking entirely relevant follow-up questions.
OK I think I understand where the disconnect is coming from now. You’re leaving out the first part of the scenario.
I don’t start off the convo with Bob using monosyllable responses to questions. In my experience the convo starts off as normal, a few pleasant polite exchanges and inquiries, etc. No problems there. Fast forward to later in the convo after Bob has asked me like 250 inane questions about shit I don’t care about in an effort to keep the convo flowing and my responses get shorter and shorter. This is why I have been referring to Bob as a JAQ-off. I figure somewhere around question 500 I am past done with the convo and my responses are strictly monosyllable hoping Bob takes a clue that it’s time for him to move on as I try to resist the urge to flat out tell him to fuck off and leave me the hell alone (as politely as I can which isn’t very polite).
I don’t expect Bob to follow any arbitrary unspoken rules I created. I expect Bob to know when he’s worn out his welcome and walk. Here’s a clue: If you are speaking with someone and convo devolves into every response to your every question is monosyllable then maybe that person doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. If you guys think that’s unfair to Bob then we are just going to have to agree to disagree.
No, I was describing a scenario where I resort to monosyllable responses to questions asked of me after the person I am speaking with has become annoying. I didn’t initiate shit.
