Looking for trouble

The BBQ Pit
1

So I go out and bowl for cystic fibrosis today, after looking at a Mercedes SLK that I’m thinking about buying. I raised $550 for these kids, and I’m feeling like maybe I’m a good person, or something.

So I take the wife and kid out to eat. We go to the G-man, which is a College type tavern. I want a beer and I want the fajitas, which are kind of gross, but in a good way.

We’re having fun, and were playing that bar trivia game on tv, and being that there’s a bunch of dipshit college kids in the bar, I’m pretty much sweeping the thing.

I got my daughter in my lap, and things are good, when the guy in the booth behind me lights up a cigarette, and every other word out of his mout is shit this or fuck that.

We waited to sit in the no smoking zone. I quit years ago, and the last thing I need is that smell tempting me. I also have my daughter to think about.

So, I look over at the guy sparking up, and he’s not the kind that I exactly feel to concerned about. He’s a kid. I’m a man.

I’m feeling magnanimous though, so I lean over the booth after thinking about it, and this is what I say:

“Excuse me?” I’m all polite and even offer my hand. “My name’s Aloysius, I’d love to buy you a round, but I’d alos like to ask you a favor. I got my little girl with me, and this is the no smoking section. Could you please put that out, and could I also ask if maybe you didn’t curse. My daughter’s picking up your words and repeating them.”

The kid says, “sure.” I order them a pitcher of Molsen for chrissakes and we go back to business.

Except, a couple of minutes later I hear the kid making fun of me. This really pisses me off, but I try to subvert the old ego, and enjoy my meal. This ditbag has his elbow up on the back of the booth, and after a few minutes he kind of bumps me with it.

Five minutes later, after we get our food, this kid sparks up again.

I ask my wife “Will you take her for a minute?” referring to my daughter who’s having great fun playing with my torillas.

Mrs. Scylla knows me well, though and shakes her head. “don’t.”

So, I’m getting really mad. I’m not enjoying my meal. I remember what my father used to tell me about these kind of situations. Words to live by.

“Don’t go charging up that hill unless you’re willing to die on it.” and “If you’re going to do something, do it out of sequence.” This last refers to the element of surprise. Most social situations where there’s a conflict follow a tradittional build up escalation phase. My father’s opinion is that you should either do nothing, or skip several steps directly to the conclusion.

I’m fantasizing. It would be so easy just to slip my arm over the top of the booth and wrap it around this guy’s neck. I’d hall this guy’s ass halfway over the booth, and put my mouth right on his ear, literally chew on it for a second, and while I hold his ear in my teeth I’d ask him again to please put out the cigarette. That would surely get his attention.

Or, maybe I’d just slide into his booth, put my around him like we’re old buddies and start eating his food. I’d ask him if he was enjoying his dinner, or was anybody ruining it for him. That might work too.

I have my daughter in my lap. My wife won’t take her, because she knows this is the kind of stuff I do.
I have my daughter in my lap. I do nothing.

2

Look, I know it’s a bar, but there are people who don’t smoke. I always ask, and if they have a problem with it I move somewhere else.

Then these people say “Hey, it’s a bar. You don’t have to ask.” Well, yes I do, because it’s a courtesy thing. There is too little courtesy anymore.

Oh, and I’d have kicked his ass for you had I seen that.

3

:o phew!
I’m getting a little hot ‘n’ bothered here…

4

If you were a real man, you could have used your daughter as a distraction. First, you toss her in a lazy arc towards the guy. While he’s occupied by the unexpected occurance, you front kick him in the gut and swivle into a side kick which topples him over the bar. This is done immediately and rapidly as you masturfully catch your daughtet before she completes her intended free fall. That is, of course, if you’re a real man.
Which you’re obviously not. Clearly you…shiver…love your family enough to keep them out of harms way. Apparently you seem to feel that your ability to save face isn’t as important as their well being. May Allah have mercy on your soul.

5

Oh Scylla, if only every man who is as strong as you was as strong as you. Or as disciplined. Or had a woman like Mrs S.

Good on you, mate.

Red(non-smoking&non-cursing)boss

6

Sometimes it’s hard to do the right thing. Especially when doing the wrong thing would have been so much fun. The little weasel needed his ass kicked. Sparking up again was bad enough. Cussing around a child was bad enough. Making fun of you after you bought them a fucking round is ingracious and worthy of some real parking lot therapy. Lots of it.

7

ditto to what Zenster said. Take that deep breath, and think what’s best for your daughter. Tempting as it would be to administer a little lesson in equtiquette, you probably did the right thing. Of course, then feel free to let the Angel of Death Mrs. Scylla have all the fun and kick that perps butt. BTW, I think your father’s advice is right on the money.

8

Yep, your dad did your daughter a favor that day. You did the right thing.

9

In five years that guy is going to be reading a thread about “The time you were the biggest asshole EVER” and he’s going to chime in on how he was this twit who got his fragile manhood so threatened by a polite request to put a cigarette out that he mocked the guy who asked him even after the guy bought them a round. He’ll say he can’t believe what an immature pussy he was.

And 20 of his board friends will say “Jesus, you were a fucking twit!”

10

Thanks for helping in the battle against CF, Scylla. It means a lot to me and my family.

11

I’ve been in these situations where polite requests for a little consideration in a social setting are ignored or mocked by some horse’s ass whom you are burning to take apart like a tinkertoy and you are shackled by wife, children or whatever. The core of your being is telling you that they must die as you twist their neck around like a screw off cap and yet…there you sit. Frustrating isn’t it?

The flip side to this is what happens when someone like you has had enough and they finally explode. In my life I have had three fellow professionals go toe to toe and wreak havoc in similar situations where they were dis-respected. One was a doctor, one was a lawyer and one was a commercial real estate broker. One got away with it because he took it outside and because he was not from that town no one could ID him. The other two were sued and had to pay
27,000 and 65,000 each respectively to settle their cases in addition to whatever court costs they incurred and attend a gauntlet of anger management etc. classes. One thought it was worth it and the other did not.

Short term satisfaction can have long term consequences. You did the right thing.

12

OTOH, management at the G-man is not interested in enforcing their own rules? I would have hoped that a gentle comment to the server that you’d like to speak with a manager, then relating the tale–including the Molsen’s–would have had a non-violent, but satisfactory conclusion.

(I don’t do fights, but I would think that removing his cigarette and placing it in the pitcher might have been good for a chuckle. Any hostility on his part, after that point, would have brought the bouncers down on him.)

13

Another big thumbs-up to a guy who did the Right Thing. :wink: It takes a truly strong man to allow himself to appear weak.

[sub]when you can balance the tack hammer on your head…[/sub]

Also, did you consider that if you had reached over the booth and gotten him in a headlock, that that would have put you at risk for being arrested for battery? IANA lawyer, but yep, he could’ve squealed for the cops and you’d have spent the rest of the evening down at the police station filling out paperwork.

And your daughter wouldn’t have been in your lap during that.

14

I see your problem - you bought them Molson’s! Wasn’t there any real beer to be had there? Up here in Canada, that’s just asking for trouble!
(ducks, runs, etc.)

15

This was also my first thought. He will also think about it at other times in his life and maybe it will influence the way he raises his children. On the other hand, if Scylla had grabbed him, he would remember the time that a guy attacked him.

16

I am of mixed emotions on this one. While twisting this assholes nuts off would improve the gene pool, I think that your wife was correct in this situation.

If you were truly in a Non-smoking section, then you should have found the manager and asked him to remove the schmuck. (And take back your picher of beer.)

Otherwise, you have to ask yourself what it is you want from the situation. And what price you are willing to pay. Everytime you escalate a situation, you need to think of what the consequences are. Are you willing to pay the price. ie. If I do this, what will they do? What will happen to me and my FAMILY? Being a nuisance t the asshole until he leaves or changes his behaviour normaly results in little fallout other than irritated feelings.

However, once you cross over to physical violence, the results can be all out of proportion to the intial problem. They (the asshole and his buddies) could have weapons of some sort. (If you were in Texas, and there were three of them, the odds would be about even one of them is carrying a gun or has one in the car.) Could leave and get friends and wait for you outside. Could be a black belt in Tie One On. etc, etc. You could also end up in jail for assalt and battery. Is it worth endangering your family for this situation? Me, I would never escalate to violence as long as my wife was with me. It would not be worth it. If I was that offended by the situation, and the manager wouldn’t do anything about it, I would just leave and never come back. I never frequent establishments that I can not feel comfortable in. (If I ever ran across the snake feltcher alone somewhere, I may explain the error of his ways to him, using a two by four for emphasis.)

While I agree with your father somewhat, the problem is that you have to remember that there are people out there who also respond out of sequence. If you escalate to violence, they could respond with deadly force. While I may consider it an acceptable risk for myself, I would never risk my family because somebody was an asshole.

I have found that I have had a lot more fun in my life when I just ignored the assholes. Rmember, you did have the pleasure of your daughter in your lap for a few hours instead of having to deal with police, hospital, etc, reports.

IMHO

17

Scy, I feel your pain, but come on. It’s a bar, for God’s sake. Logic dictates that there might be belligerent, drunken a-holes in there. And in a college bar, that chance is raised exponentially.

I wouldn’t bring a kid to any place where alcohol is served for the simple reason that I’ve never been to a bar that I frequent with any regularity where there wasn’t an incident every now and then. A kid shouldn’t see that stuff.

Not to mention that bar fights aren’t looked upon as a mild annoyance anymore, either. You hurt someone, you can do some serious time.

That said, I can’t believe you bought the guy beer.

18

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Bossk *
I wouldn’t bring a kid to any place where alcohol is served QUOTE]
Like the Cracker Barrel or Pizza Hut or Friendly’s or…
I understand your impulse, Scylla, but agree that it’s a good thing you didn’t do anything.

19

The guy didn’t happen to be Amish did he? :smiley:

::d&r::

20

Scylla I sympathise but to be frank… I can see why he mocked you. The name thing and all that. Makes me think you are in the big city for the first time hehe. Next time just keep it short, say “excuse me, could you please put out your cigarette? My daughter is breathing the smoke and I quit not so long ago. Thanks for understanding, I really appreciate it”.

Only then, if he agrees, buy them the round for being nice chaps. I know he was an asshole and it sucks to be in your position. But it doesn’t change the fact… by the way I think you should “keep doing what you do”, except for chewing his ear.