I have a very difficult etiquette question. If you had planned a surpise shower for someone and many people chipped in money for the gifts, and they lost the baby. What is done with the gifts? Do you return them and buy flowers for the family? do you return money to the people who chipped in? I am pretty sure you don’t give them the gifts anyway.
Definitely do not give any gifts - that would be salt in the wound for sure.
I’d return any group gifts and give the money to those who chipped in, unless they all agree to go in for flowers. I don’t think I’d mention that a shower had been planned. I’d just do my best to be a friend during a very difficult time.
How very sad…
This happened a few years ago with a coworker – the gift hadn’t been bought yet, but the organizer had something food-associated (fruit basket or something, I don’t remember) sent to the family, and the rest was donated to a Children’s Hospital in their name.
I think that’s a lovely idea. I would further suggest that the money collected could be donated to a charity in the child’s name (if s/he had been named yet).
Return the gifts if you can, donate what you can’t and let everyone know the money will go towards flowers to the family. Seems pretty reasonable to me. Such a sad thing. Be sure to write her a hand-written note. It really makes all the difference.