Love! hah, huh, what is it good for!

Burnt_Toast · May 13, 2002, 11:43am

Well… I’ve been lurking for quite a while now, but today I decided to get something off my chest on the boards because many of the teeming millions probably has had more experience than me in the battlefield of love. I know what you’re all thinking now ‘Oh this is just another carn-sarned teenager, ranting on about how unpopular he is or how he got laid on the weekend’, well it probably is one of those trivial things that is a matter of life and death in the spur of the moment but are meanless after you stop to think about it, but oh well this is MPSIMS and I’m gonna post it anyway. Errrm…now I’ve forgotten what I was meant to type here…Oh that’s right, my story. I guess I should stop droning on and on and just start the story.

Here it goes…
Time: Last year sometime. Me and K are good buds. I develop a crush K. She finds out. I find out she doesn’t like me back. Oh well. We revert back to being good friends, like nothing happened, though I still like her.

Fast-forward to start of this year: I find out she likes my best friend J. I think to myself ‘Well… If I haven’t got a chance with her, I guess I’d help out two friends and set them up’ So I do. Everyone’s happy.

Fastforward to now: Now both of them have developed a stronger bond to each other. They are unoffically going out. Let’s remember I still like K. This liking turns into a horrible-razor-blade through-the-stomach, 1000-daggers-in-the-heart type pain whenever I’m reminded that they are together.

…and so ends my story. I hope this doesn’t turn out all teeny-boppery… Now, what do I do? I’ve been lurking for so long I’ve forgotten how to post. Hey, what does this button d-

Ice_Wolf · May 13, 2002, 11:58am

A long time ago, back in the stone age maybe – there was a TV show here in NZ called “Beauty and the Beast”. It was a kind of agony-aunt thing on the tube.

There are many instances in this hazy, crazy forum, where I’m reminded poignantly of that show. Like right here, in this thread. But I digress a tad …

Burnt Toast, you have got it rough. You say you’re going through all the nasty symptoms of love for K, and it ain’t reciprocated. Now, the following has been often said, and it’s as trite as heck, but … let things be, and find someone else. Or something else, an interest, a hobby, anything, that’ll help take your mind off. K isn’t for you, not by the sounds of it. Not in that way.

Move on. Even though it’ll hurt like something you can’t say here, 'cause it isn’t that kind of forum. Move on.

bluddy_bloodnut · May 13, 2002, 12:15pm

“Move on. Even though it’ll hurt like something you can’t say here, 'cause it isn’t that kind of forum. Move on”

i couldnt agree more, i know for a FACT that there are plenty of nice (and good looking) girls where you live, and one of these days you’re going to be with you soulmate anyways, so just TRY your hardest to let it slide…

oh yeah, im sorry about not quoting you, Ice Wolf, i havent figured it out yet

Burnt_Toast · May 13, 2002, 12:27pm

Yeah, well I’ve tried to fill up that spot with food, TV, online games and baked goods but nothing seems to work… actually there is one thing that has gotten my mind off it and that’s the SDMB. Sweet sweet SDMB, makes the pain go away. But unless I can get Straight Dope in tablet form to pop every time I need anti-depressing, I guess I’m stuck with this hot-poker-in-the-liver pain until I can fully get over her, which is not easy.

Damn love, I’d break it’s legs if I had the chance… then steal it’s endorphins.

Ice_Wolf · May 13, 2002, 12:35pm

If it’s any consolation, Burnt Toast – you have a very cool moniker, and the above was a very cool line.

So far, I’d say you have the right attitude to this hell life has dished up for you. Power on, my friend. Stay strong.

kambuckta · May 13, 2002, 12:45pm

Now Burnt Toast, if you try the razor blades and daggers through HIS heart, you might have a chance with Doreen.

And your story isn’t teeny-boppery at all…yet!

Burnt_Toast · May 14, 2002, 10:56am

errrm…woosh? Anyway here are a few parameters that I forgot to put in just to complicate matters.

I’m still really good friends with K and want to keep it that way. I don’t wanna fall so much out of love with her that it starts affecting the friendship.
Ditto with J.
She doesn’t know that I still like her now. I know this because she keeps on coming up to me asking for advice, which also produces aforementioned razor blade, dagger and hot poker pains.
I catch the bus with K every morning and afternoon and we also have many mutual friends so I can’t cut off the relationship right off.
Ditto with J.

So I’m guessing there’s only one thing I can do that is to tough it out and hide all emotions. Sigh

Oh yeah, thanks **Ice Wolf. ** The advice and being called cool really made my day.

Typo_Negative · May 14, 2002, 11:22am

Ah, the heart wants what it wants.

And sometimes it cannot have it. Further proof that God doesn’t like us very much. (most of us, anyhoo)

whiterabbit · May 14, 2002, 12:40pm

I went through a similar situation last fall. I had this friend. We were (and are) very GOOD friends. I was getting all sorts of weird mixed signals and thought he was starting to be interested in me.

Well, he wasn’t. I made the huge mistake one night of telling him how I felt – I’d had a crush on him for several months, and adult crushes are worse than the teenage variety, IMO, not saying that the teenage ones are trivial! – and not only was he not interested in ME, but not in anybody at all. This was just before the Christmas break from classes, so I decided to lay low and let myself recover from this and see what happened, friendship-wise, in January.

Three days into that break, I met the most wonderful man on Earth. My mother is already referring to herself as his future mother-in-law.

Meanwhile, I’m still friends with this other person. Which we’d better be, since we have the same major and see a LOT of each other. I think he’s very relieved that I found somebody else, somebody way better suited than he is – he’s a good friend, but he’d drive me NUTS. Love is weird.

Ukulele_Ike · May 14, 2002, 1:27pm

Take advantage of this time in your life to steal the Rhinegold, and forge a Ring!

– Uke, listening to far too much Wagner, yet again

World_Eater · May 14, 2002, 5:40pm

The fact of the matter is you will meet someone else. The other fact is that your live will be a searing white hot hell until you do. Just keep your focus on the end of the tunnel, and it will all be worth it. Good luck bro.

Kilt-wearin_man · May 14, 2002, 6:33pm

I’ve been in a similar situation myself - when I was 18 years old (gah…so long ago…could it have been 12 years ago?), and she was my first “true” love. And I didn’t know how to deal with all the emotions and the pain, so I destroyed my friendship with her and some other friends and in the end had even less than I started with.

Do yourself a favor. If she truly means this much to you, but you know it ain’t gonna happen, then just be her friend - exactly what you’ve said you are doing. Don’t try to fill the void with food (you’ll baloon…) or anything like that, fill the void with other friends, dating, etc…go have some fun. Some of my biggest regrets with my teen-aged emotional fiasco have to do with missed opportunities where I could’ve had some great fun with some incredible girls, but I was too wrapped up with wallowing in my personal misery to notice what hints were being dropped until hindsight kicked in.

Don’t let this happen to you!

Aristides · May 14, 2002, 6:47pm

"Yeah, well I’ve tried to fill up that spot with food, TV, online games and baked goods but nothing seems to work… actually there is one thing that has gotten my mind off it and that’s the SDMB. Sweet sweet SDMB, makes the pain go away. But unless I can get Straight Dope in tablet form to pop every time I need anti-depressing, I guess I’m stuck with this hot-poker-in-the-liver pain until I can fully get over her, which is not easy. "

Stop trying to forget her, the more you try, the less you will be able to. Just admit to yourself you are completely stuck on her, and can’t do anything about it. Realize that it will never be, and let it die. Soon, you will meet someone who will make you forget all about her.

blanx · May 14, 2002, 8:42pm

Yo ho to ho, yo ho to ho…

Where’s that &%*^% Nibelungen?

Burnt_Toast · May 15, 2002, 11:21am

Hey all, thanks for all the advice.

Kilt-wearin’ man, I’m sorry to hear that you missed out on those girls. Ya know, I could stand to gain a coupla kilos 'cause I’m tiny and have spindily arms, but I will take your advice and try to have fun with my friends to get my mind off this.

Aristides, I’ll try not to force myself to not like her and admit to myself that it isn’t gonna work, but there’s that little optimist in the back of my head saying stuff like ‘Hey, ya know if J gets killed in a boating accident, K will need someone to lean on…’. I hate that guy.

Update:
I was pretty sure I had gotten over her last night because of you guys, so I was sitting in the bus all proud, patting myself on the back for doing it and so quickly as well. Then she gets onto the bus, her silky lusturous hair shining in the morning sun, her smile gleaming with such lovelyness, such vigour, her sexy slender body enveloped by her school uniform. She sat down next to me and said ‘Hi’. Her scent so sweet and warm, her lips forming the word hi just perfectly. I then realised I was still smitten.

Ah crap…love stinks

Oh well, at least she’s not in my dreams anymore. That’s a sign that her spell is wearing off.

kittenblue · May 15, 2002, 12:51pm

Okay, you’ve got to start concentrating on her faults. Don’t look at silky, lustrous hair…see someone who spends too much time in the bathroom. C’mon…pick, pick,pick…it’s the only way to destroy love. (yes, we know she’s perfect…but desperate times call for desperate measures…and if she were perfect, she’d love you, right?)

Sassy · May 15, 2002, 5:44pm

A suggestion: what has worked for me in this sort of case is to set aside a specific time once a day for obsessing. At other times, when you catch yourself, remind yourself that all those thoughts can wait until the official time. When it is time, really get into it - but when it’s over, let it go. After a while you will have a hard time finding enough things to fill out the hour or so obsessing time - and you will know you are getting better! Good luck:)

Jman · May 15, 2002, 8:24pm

Ahh…unrequited love…I’ve been through that, and I know how you feel. Sucks, don’t it? Anyway, all I can say is keep your chin up. If it’s meant to happen, it will… I know that’s hard to hear, but trust me on this one. If you care to hear my story, here it is…if not, just skip to the end:

I liked this one girl, starting in the beginning of 8th grade. I started becoming friends with her in an effort to get to know her better before making a move. On her birthday in 8th grade, I left her a card and a balloon on her door. She was upset with me because she didn’t want to do anything.

Over the next year, I liked other people, but always liked her more than any of them. I asked her to the Homecoming Dance freshman year, and she accepted, but only as friends. I was OK with that. Nothing happened at the dance and we continued as friends. Throughout this whole time, we became very close friends, and I also became very close with her best friend. All this time, I had the biggest crush on her.

Sophomore year, I moved on a bit, having given up…of course, I later learned that this year SHE liked ME. Of course, she never said anything. ARGHH. By Junior year, I was back falling for her, this time feeling that I was in love with her. Again, we’re still very very close friends.

I asked her to our band banquet senior year, and she said yes, but by this time, my feelings for her were fading. It just wasn’t meant to be. I did have a few other girlfriends during this time, which made it easier, but she was always there in the background. The good thing is that this feeling of want developed into an extremely strong friendship, and we are still very good friends who stay in touch with each other, even 6 years after high school.

-----story over------

We were meant to be friends, and it has worked out great so far. Maybe you are simply meant to be friends with her…it’s hard to hear that. However, you may find that in a little while her feelings will change, and you’ll be a happy couple. Until things work themselves out, just try and keep your chin up. Good luck with everything, and I hope you feel better about this soon!

Jman

Jman · May 15, 2002, 8:30pm