I wasn’t going to do this, but I need the release that only posting in a forum can provide. I’m getting married in September, and, while I always saw myself as a plainspeaking person, but I’m also the kind of person who, while direct, is loathe to hurt feelings if I know I am doing so. I’m also aware of the fact that this is my fiancé’s family, and I don’t want to start a rift. His mother is very important to him, and she’s been good to me in the past. I don’t know why this is raising such bad juju.
I didn’t want to spend a lot on a wedding, and I’ve tripled the cost so far. I’m not an overly classy dame, and I’ve never really given a hoot what others thought of me. My family has been told the lay of the land, but my fiancé is pretty laid-back, and, as a result, most communications from my FMIL have come through me. My FMIL and I have differing tastes, and I don’t want to offend her, so she pressures us into doing things her way even after I’ve said no. She offers to help financially, and so I feel gauche rejecting this. My fiancé has no problem saying no to her if he doesn’t agree, and I will if backed against a wall, but when I do the reception is not graceful, as I have tried to be, but pretty MFing intimidating and angry and cold. I am made to feel as if I’m being unreasonable, cheap, inappropriate, and ignorant. I hate feeling like a fucking pest, but Bobdamnit I wish someone took into account that keeping you from blowing up at me over crap I don’t care about that you insisted on having is costing me money and ruining any enjoyment of this.
I don’t want to get into arguments about things I don’t want and you insist I should have, which then cost too much and impair your ability to follow through with stuff you did commit to. I just want you to take me at my word. I don’t want to feel like I go out of my way to be polite, inclusive and respectful of your opinion and you patronize me every chance you get. I hate what I’m turning into, and what this is doing to me. I know it’ll pass, but for fuck’s sake, I hope my actual marriage isn’t this kind of an oligarchy! :mad:
I know if I said any of these things it would hurt her and make her cry, and so I keep my mouth shut and let my liver feed on itself. I keep repeating to myself “I don’t want to be ungrateful, I don’t want to be ungraceful…” I don’t want to hurt his feelings, either, as this is his mother.
Bah. My stomach hurts.