Wow. I have to say I am very greatful for all the positive support I recieved. It was unexpected, and welcome. I have learned one thing though all this - “cybersex” is silly, “cyber-relationships” are not real, but “cyber-hugs” do in fact actually help a lot. The thought involved in expressing that is as good as the act itself. So for all who posted to this thread, thank you very much. You have made a difference, you have helped me. Thanks.
I honestly did not expect the thread to become so much about my sad romantic life, I thought rather that I would open the flood gates of others who have been burned in love. To that end I hope others will post here when their heart has been squashed. It does stink, but it does happen.
Here is an update for those who care : Lisa called me yesterday afternoon. She apologized for acting like (her own words) “an ass”. She also expressed that she was having problems with her ex, and that she did not feel she should be in a relationship with anyone at this point. Of course I think that means she should not be in a relationship with me - and that may be true. In any case I feel I have some closure, even though my heart is still broken. It does hurt. Yet, to have her call and end it, really end it, will help. All of your posts help too.
So, if anyone else feels as if they have been treated like a pinata by love . . . post here and release it. It does contribute to the healing process.
Once again I find myself a single, and perhaps more cynical NothingMan.
Post-breakup mode also - but only dated a short time and he was off to Saudi in January for two years anyways, so wasn’t meant to be. But I have this rule I tell all guys, be honest with me and I with you- why can’t men do this!!! It’s really not that hard!! I am just tired of giving and giving, I think its time I turned bitchy, b/c being nice obviously isn’t getting ME anywhere. Guys, do you really want a nice girl or a bitch (mystery?)???
Alright, here goes…Love does stink
I have been madly, hopelessly in love with this girl for as long as I can remember. High school sweetheart, all that. We drifted apart in college, but still got together every once in awhile. Everyone I’ve ever dated I’ve compared to her. But life happens…I was never really sure if she wanted to be with me or not. I got married, to someone else, named one of my daughters after her (how twisted was that?) and sort of moved on. Not in that order, but… My ex-wife didn’t like her because S and I were always better friends and have always shared a great spiritual bond. After my marriage broke up, S and I got together. Went slowly at first, cuz we had been out of touch for 4-5 years, but eventually our relationship got very strong. The last year or so, while we were together, was the best time I have ever had. She discarded me as a BF in Feb. We still are friends, I think.
S is someone that I think about every day and have for years. There are only a few people that I think of like that. One is my best friend, the other three are my kids. I look forward to seeing her every chance I get. The really weird thing is that she still leads me along. We go out to dinner, for example, she will say (not do) things that lead me to believe that she still has feelings for me. And then she won’t return my calls or emails. I’ve figured out that she only calls me when she wants something from me. period. That really makes me sad.
She is truly the brightest person I have ever met. I love her smile, walk, laugh, everything…Perhaps part of the problem is that I wasn’t a challenge for her. Anything and everything she wanted, if I could do or get for her I would, and will. All I wanted was for her to be happy. Unfortunately, I sacrificed my own happiness for her. She has the most amazing gift for life and the greatest spirit that I have ever seen. Perhaps someday…I still love her and I miss her.
I could go on forever…
Love doesn’t suck. Love is wonderful…
life… now life sucks… and when life interfers with love, things really suck.
Here is a bit of my story (as background for those who care)
12-18 - String of abusive BF’s ending with an extremely abusive person who used ever physical and mental method possible to make me spineless, mindless, and completely dependent on him (it was apparently more fun for him to hurt me if I was dependent on him, and afraid to turn to anyone else)
Just before I turned 18, I started to rebel against this (i dared to go to college…against his wishes) In college I met a wonderful guy. He treated me with kindness and respect, he helped me learn to believe in myself, and most important, he helped me learn to trust people again. I loved him. In fact, I still love him, he is one of the most important people in my life. Our “romantic” relationship doesn’t exist anymore. He’s been forced to move because of his education (he’s just finishing his medical residency now). We are still very close, we talk all the time, but because of my work, and his insane schedule… we don’t see each other much. We agreed to see other people, when he started med school… because neither one of us was ready for a long distance relationship. We also promised complete honesty. It’s wierd, but it seems to be working for us. both of us have seen other people in the last few years… but nothing serious has ever come up, and our relationship has stayed strong. I don’t know if we are meant to be together… but we agreed not to deal with that until his education was complete.
Currently, I have a massive crush on another guy (again somone who lives a couple hours away from me) I doubt my feelings will be returned. He’s too good for me. This part of love (and life sucks big time)
I was boyfriends with a wonderful, shy, Esperantist nerd from Toronto… god, I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone that hard for that long. We were in such love for four months… and then it just started to get too painful… much too painful… and I finally bailed. And it was like an open wound for eight months, and probably was what fucked up my relationship with my next boyfriend.
Never again. No more LDRs. They suck. Point final.
What is it that makes people fall in love with the wrong person? I have dated the wrong guy off and on for a year and a half. I can see that he’s not good for me, and I’ve known that from day one. I also date men that are great, but it’s hard to get close to them, because my heart is with Mr. Wrong and I don’t know how to get it back. Distance helps. The longer I don’t see him, the better I am, but he is the opposite, and the longer he doesn’t see me the more he wants to. He is so afraid of getting close that I know that even while he is wanting to see me, he is checking to make sure the back door is open. Last Saturday, he wanted to get together, so I turned down another invitation and paged him when I got off work. He didn’t call back, and I fell asleep on the couch. At 1:00 am, he called me, presumably to tell me what I missed??? Right now, I’m avoiding him, but I’ve done that before and as soon as he presses the issue, I’ll be right back where I don’t belong. Wish I could just dump him and be done with it. Okay … I’m done whining … thanks for listening.
‘What is it that makes people fall in love with the wrong person?’
A person must have a complete & full understanding of their childhood & their relationships with the people who raised them. If they don’t have this, they tend to repeat those patterns & try to solve those childhood relationship issues with adults they meet. They do this subconsciously.
It is indeed possible to understand these childhood relationships & accept them & form more positive adult relatioships but its a lot of work.
Awe man! Extended, heartfelt sympathies. Have a beer and drop in a shot of booze! Commiseration’s!
I also have had similar experiences and must admit to banging my head against little things like walls, trees, doors and bricks in frustration. Nothing I have ever experienced hurts as much as lost love, especially that which seems to have been going well and just ----- ends. Root canals feel better.
Word to the wise here, from my personal experience. If you date a ‘screwed up’ girl, there is a very great possibility that under your loving ministrations, she will get better, and then run off to someone else, leaving you alone to take bites out of the fender of your car with your teeth.
Sometimes, they come back, with belligerent newly ex-boyfriend in tow and let you go out and settle his hash for him. (Funny how such guys never listen to reason.) The girl is always very grateful afterwards and screws your brains out but by the time the bruises from the hash settling have healed, she’s off with some new guy and you’re back to taking bites out of bricks and rinsing the dust out with beer.
NothingMan, actually the same thing kind of happened to me lately…at first she got late with calling me & then not showing up. So I called her & told her it was great she didn’t show up because it gave me lots of time to do things.
If she doesn’t call or respond to email I write her email saying the same thing. ‘its great you didn’t write or call, it gave me plenty of time to do things I needed to do.’
One time she said something to the effect of just wanting to be friends [but I didn’t believe her] & I thrust my hand in front, said ‘that’s great’ & shook her hand. Her jaw dropped to the floor, it was quite fun.
It only works on those type of women like you have though.