Yeah, it’s no Gibran, but it’s true. Nod to the Everly Brothers, I think, at least at one point.
“Love is a beast that will tear out your heart, hungrily lick it and painfully pick it apart”… Concrete Blonde.
Also true.
“Love is Hell”. Title of one of Matt Groening’s “Life in Hell” cartoon collections, back before “The Simpsons” hit.
True as well.
It is, despite the low origin of the quotes above, a Great Truth.
I’m gonna go on memory here and probably misquote Spider Robinson. “The opposite of a truth is a lie. The opposite of a Great Truth is another Great Truth”.
Love is a horrible thing. We’d all be better off without it.
I wish I was in love.
“'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.
Okay, I’m gonna tell you the same thing I tell people who have lost their pets and don’t think they can handle getting another. I think it’s equally applicable, because the emotions are the same regardless of the object of those emotions.
Loving someone, letting them into your heart and your life, is always going to get your heart broken. You’re always going to lose the object of that love, whether things just don’t work out or one of you dies. Every single relationship that ever happens has an unhappy ending eventually. Every single one.
Knowing this, we have two choices. We can keep our hearts up on a high shelf like Great-grandma’s china, safe and sound. Something up on a high shelf that never gets taken down doesn’t get broken, but it doesn’t get enjoyed much, either. It just sits up there and gets all dusty and gross.
Or we can walk into certain heartbreak with our eyes open and enjoy the light and laughter and grace that love can bring into our lives. And when it ends, as it will in 2 months or 80 years, we can face the pain of parting with the knowledge that our lives would have been darker and quieter if we hadn’t been willing to take on the pain.
It’s a choice we each have to make on our own. I can’t tell you what’s best for you to do. Personally, I’m gonna keep on setting myself up for heartbreak, because to me it’s worth it.
I’ve been burnt way too many times and mistreated by men most of my life so technically, I’m not looking for love. Nor do I believe in it anymore. When I try to open up, I just get mistreated so really, I don’t have alot of faith in people in general.
Man, I know how you feel, its just that when I put effort into someone I like (don’t make jokes about that sentence) they never seems interested so how can I not be discouraged by it? Is it natural for that to happen, or am I just experiencing bad luck?
Ok I might as well spill it all out, I just am not ‘wowed’ by anyone at all in my area. They all seem not really interesting and boring they are either not my type or too ‘this or that’ And anyone I do like are either dating someone or are just out of my league altogether…great I now sound like the stereotypical teenager who bitches on about how much his life sucks, maybe it is down to hormones or angst or watever, but I just really, really do need something major or a miracle to happen because I just have no faith in anything.
All this because you’re not into anybody right now? That tends to happen from time to time, and the more you try to force something to happen, the more likely you are to get disappointed.
You don’t need to do something major; you need to chill out. There’s nothing wrong with not having a romantic relationship. You won’t shrivel up and die if you do the solo thing for a while. Trust me. And you never know when you’ll either meet someone new or suddenly see someone old in a whole new light. Relax, go with the flow, and don’t try to push yourself into feeling something you don’t just to be in a relationship. It’s not fair to anybody involved.
As cliche as it sounds, the best things come to you when you aren’t searching for them.
And, as others have mentioned, it is okay to be by yourself. In fact, during that time, figure out who YOU are. Work on developing true friendships. Work on reinforcing bonds with family.
Instead of focusing on how someone is or isn’t right for you, work on making yourself right for that someone who is out there that you will meet one day.
I know this sounds stupid, but every waking moment (it seems to me) I am constantly looking at girls who can be a partner for me, even if its for a split second or if I don’t know them! Is that normal, I really want to not look for a partner, but in my experience its hard to stop looking…
So how do I take my mind off it?
Okay, in order to accurately give my opinion on the above, approximately how old are you? Why do you feel like you must always view these girls as a potential partner?
There is nothing wrong with thinking about someone and whether or not they could be a match for you but don’t let life slip by you while you waste your time playing the “what-if” game.
I’m 17, I guess all the pressure comes from my friends because they seem having a girlfriend is the be all and end all, it gets me down and I dunno why I see them always a potential partner I just do, I just never get a break from anyone talking about ‘Girls girls girls!’ I didn’t mind it at first but then when it happened every single day I was like ‘shut up’ and thats why I can never get my mind off the fact of wanting a relationship and just enjoying myself.
Now that I look at it, I think its more to do with me not being in contact with many women more than anything else, and it drives me crazy most of the women I’ve met in the last three months are around 1-4 years older than me and NOT interested.
Okay…my earlier guess was correct…you are fairly young and all your friends are in relationships.
Here is my older-person-been-there-done-that wisdom for you…
Relationships established when you are 17 are more than likely not going to be the person you end up spending your life with. Not to say it never happens but it is rare.
I dated the same guy all through high school and part of college and I would have bet my life on the fact we would have gotten married and lived happily ever after. We did not. In fact, I married someone else entirely and it ended badly. Just when I had sworn off all men and didn’t I wanted to be alone I met the man who is my husband today and more importantly, he is my best friend.
You will meet so many people over the next few years of your life. Some will be in and out very quickly and you will struggle to remember them later on. Some will stick around for the long haul and become the best friends you will ever have. Some will become loves and will make you look back when you are older and sigh and think about how nice being in love was. Some will be loves and make you look back and sigh and think about how shitty being in love was.
That’s all part of finding the “real” thing. And it rarely happens when you are looking for it.
Just give yourself time to experience the people around you and the people you will come into contact with.
Don’t worry about trying to make a relationship happen. It will. Just enjoy being at the age you are now. I wish I could go back to 17…I would do A LOT differently…
Of course, I’m only 28 so it’s not like I’ve lived a long time either.
Have fun and learn about yourself first. Relationships are going to come and go. The right one will find you.
OK, take a deep breath, inhale, exhale, and relax.
The guy is 17. I know there is alot of pressure on him (as he has said above, his friends all have girlfriends, yada yada yada). I’ve been where he is. I know what he’s going through. I’m just trying to take a lighter look at his situation in the hope that he does too.
I might not be Manda Jo, but if I felt that his situation required a detailed psochological analysis, I’d probably give a go at that (and still be talking out my arse, but I’d give it a go nonetheless).
But it doesn’t. It’s a situation and a feeling that will pass. I’ve been there, I know what its like. But it does pass.
I was just trying to lighten his mood, but you’ve obviously taken one comment and decided I’m some neanderthal sexist pig.
And I agree…it will pass.
I don’t think you are a meanderthal sexist pig. I think the statement you made might lead some females to be offended though. But to each his own. No harm done.
I do, however, think that suggesting a 17 year old just go out and score as much as he can is ill advice. Ryan seems to be rather mature for his age in his thinking so I doubt a few good rolls in the hay are exactly the type of answers he is looking for.
But again, no harm…no foul. I am sorry if I offended.
I can only speak from the point of view of a former 17 year old guy, that a few “rolls in the hay” would have been fecking brilliant (insert obligatory safe sex promotion here). Of course, I’d be labelled a pervert or something for suggesting the same to a girl (but thats a different thread altogether… )
Oh, I dunno, you could do a lot worse than listen to Twisty, after all, he’s done a damn good job with this “broad”.
You’ll be cool Ryan, just give it time. It doesn’t all have to happen right now, and I think what Twisty said is right, go out, have fun (obligatory “be careful” remark), worry about the commitment and long term stuff and family approval when you find the girlie that you actually want to commit to, and you’re not necessarily gonna know who that is unless you’ve tested the water.
Anyways, I’m getting you drunk sometime after September, so there’s sommink to look forward to if nothing else!
