I just want to say that in the past I have been very aggressive and anti social, not just on here but IRL .
I have had psychological problems, and have often had a knee jerk reaction to often wrongly perceived "attacks " on me.
I was given proffessional help in the past but rejected it as being ineffective and , and "giving in " to lifes pressures .
I was also trying to self medicate with alcohol, which is just about the worst thing that you can do .
I realise that I have offended many decent people in the past and for that I apologise, if you refuse to accept it I quite understand and don’t blame you .
I am currently receiving medication from my doctor which seems to work some, but not all of the time, and I’m in a mutual support group with serving and ex service men .
I have also given up drinking, over 4 months now, and yes it is a take it day by day thing.
I hope that I can stay dry permamently, but will just have to wait and see if I can stick the route.
I am trying very hard to moderate my behaviour to people, but after a lifetime of having an "attack reaction " indoctrinated into me, literally from childhood, I may well slip up sometimes .
I hope that you will bear with me on this.
It goes totally against my nature to bare my soul as it were, to other people, but this is part of my rehabilitation .
It was only on here that I could get up the courage to tell people that I suffered from depression, an action that totally embarassed me at the time, and in fact still does so, as I feel that telling the world about your weaknesses is shameful .
Telling you all this, helps me to look at myself from the outside, and in a way grounds me .
I am not looking for sympathy, as I still have an engrained dislike of receiving it, which is part of my illness no doubt .
But I hope that I can receive your understanding.
I will still argue on these boards, still stand my corner, but hopefully I will do it in a less "All or nothing "manner, and be a bit more normal .
Thanks for reading this.
It would not occur to me to do this anywhere but on the Dope, and I have a long road to travel before I can bring myself to tell "ordinary " people IRL.
When I can do that maybe I’ll be on the road to recovery .