Since I discovered I have cervical cancer (see my recent Pit thread, titled “Lady Cervix, I curse thee!”), I also discovered that I have an ex-boyfriend who is a complete dickhead. It’s taken me more than 2 years since we broke up to realize the full extent to which he is a dickhead. It isn’t even the realization that it may very well be his fault that I have cancer that made me realize this; it was his complete lack of concern for the fact that I’m sick, and it may be his fault. He is quite possibly the most selfish, self-centered person in the universe. (Mods, move to the Pit, if you feel the need…although he certainly knows what I think of him, and this is anonymous, anyway.)
In short, I wasn’t nearly this pissed off at him when we broke up, which is why I didn’t deal with it at the time, but I no longer have the desire to have anything he ever gave me in my apartment. I want to get rid of it all. I don’t want to burn it or throw it in the trash, though, as among other things, there is a rather nice leather jacket in very good condition, which I unfortunately cannot wear anymore without a strong urge to vomit.
So what should I do with the stuff? Creative ideas, anyone?
Well, if the stuff is of value, you can always donate it to a charity he wouldn’t like (say, the Podunk Shelter for Survivors of Lying, Cheating, Manipulative Relationships) and send him a nice card telling him about the donation.
Did you tell him it “may” be his fault? I agree he’s a schmuck not to be concerned for you, but I don’t think I would have brought up the “fault” thing unless I knew for sure it was his fault. Still, a very unsympathetic response. Hope things go well next week.
Well, no way to write it off (I don’t itemize), and no garage. Maybe I’ll sell it on E-bay and donate the proceeds to Planned Parenthood.
EchoKitty, I didn’t even use the word “fault” or “blame;” Imerely stated that the timing of the development of the cancer was very suggestive of the hypothesis that I had contracted the HPV virus during the time that I was involved of him, as the only other partner I’ve had in the past 7 years was most likely too recent for him to have passed it along to me and for the cancer to have progressed to this stage. It normally takes a long, long time for HPV infection to progress to the cancer stage.
That, and the jerkoff ex in question cheated on me. So I’m about 98% sure it was him. His only stated worry was the talk he was going to have to have with his current S.O. My heart bleeds for him, can you tell?
I agree with Echo Kitty. Maybe you gave it to him. There is no way to know for sure. And it doesn’t really matter. Even if he did give it to you it wasn’t on purpose. Just a thing that happens.
Some people are just jerks. You have to forget trying to get any human response from them. Toss his stuff and forget about him. Karma will catch up.
**Mike, we’ve met (remember lunch at Venice Cafe?)…it’s my size. I’m 5’1", average weight, on the busty side. (There’s other stuff besides the jacket, though.)
Anyone who wants to pick it up, for herself or for a friend…maybe we can have you make a donation to Planned Parenthood, with an appropriately worded gift notification card to my ex?
Oh, and as I’ve always had 100% clean Pap smears until last month, I also doubt I was infected more than 8 years ago…I really think something would have shown up by now, as there are normally warning signs long before HPV infection reaches the cancer stage. Scientific evidence points to the jerkoff, although even if the HPV didn’t come from him, he’s still a jerkoff.
I got some stuff from a (currently ex)-girlfriend, in particular, a very nice pair of shoes, and a rather nice sweater (hand wash only). I let my pet rats live/sleep/chew on the shoes, and I’ve been known to use the (really nice) sweater for them to sleep/piss on. I never got a straight answer from my ex as to why she behaved the way she did (long story) so it’s an easy, non-violent, non-confrontational, way to vent my pissed-offedness. I think that running The Jacket thru the washer and dryer several times and then giving it to a rather large dog that loves to chew might be a good idea (maybe you could mail the remaining bits back to him in a manila envelope), CDs make a really cool faint wistling sound when flung at high speeds (towards a brick wall), and most everything else could be burned in a metal trash can in the back yard- sprinkle the ashes where you may…
**Wonko, ** I’d like for something good to come of this…as it may be the only good thing my ex causes to be done in this world. I think him paying for someone else’s STD testing, even indirectly, would be quite appropriate.
If he knew he had it and didn’t tell her, it would certainly be his fault. If they were in a monogamous relationship, and he contracted it while cheating on her, I think it would be his fault again.
Have you considered calling this woman and letting her know? I mean, she’s in danger, and two guesses as to whether he’ll tell her on his own, judging from precedent.
I’ll pick it up even!