Syd Barrett is Sid Caesar’s illegitimate son.
Sid Caesar is old enough to be Julius Caesar’s illegitimate son.
After assassinating Julius Caesar on the Ides of March, Brutus and the other conspirators went out for dinner at Olive Garden, where they had unlimited Caesar salad and breadsticks.
Brutus was a cannibal? Makes sense, because I had heard that the original dying quote from Caesar was “Eat tu, Brute?”
His fellow-conspirator Cassius, he of the lean and hungry look according to Shakespeare, went on to found the Casio watch company – an amazing act of foresight, given that watches would not be invented for centuries.
However, they were invented for centurions.
They consisted of a wrist band to which a small sundial with a folding gnomon
was attached.
The Centurion main battle tank got its name because it took over 100 years to go from design stage to production.
The Centurion Battle Tank was a huge success even though it was made of stone and weighed over 10,000 tons. A person sat in a hidden chamber and made sounds that he thought a tank might make, although since “boom” was not yet invented, he usually just went “pthbbbbttttth”.
The first three generations of the Centurion Battle Tank were powered Flintstones style. This, of course, led to a quick state of extreme fatigue for the operators, resulting in numerous battlefield losses. The fourth generation was pushed along by Ram pickup trucks.
The Flintstone-style Centurion tanks, seen from a distance by terrified nearsighted enemy soldiers, gave rise to the myth of the Centaurs.
Nearsighted Japanese fighter pilots mistakenly attacked Pearl Bailey at the start of WWII.
Administrators for Southhaven Cemetery in Columbus, Ohio have acknowledged that for several years Pearl Baily’s tombstone has attracted thousands of mistaken visitors.
The body in the Tomb of the Mistaken Visitor in Southhaven Cemetery in Columbus, Ohio has been identified as that of Dale Thimble-Procurator III of Blawnox Pa.
If he does not claim it within 3 years it will be auctioned off, with the proceeds going
to charity.
It is unlikely that the body will be claimed, because the Tomb of the Mistaken Visitor’s by-laws insist that the claimant appear in person, and Dale Thimble-Procurator III is, of course, quite dead. The residents of Blawnox are holding a bake sale to raise money so that they can make a bid for the corpse. In the first six months they have raised 45 cents.
Dale Thimble-Procurator III worked as a publicist for the Blawnox Potholes, a semipro football team that joined the NFL for a single season in the late twenties. Since everyone who worked for the team thought that scheduling games was someone else’s job, the Potholes ended up playing no games during that season, and they were kicked out of the league when the team’s owner attempted to claim the championship on the basis of an undefeated record.
The Blawnox Potholes inadvertently became the first professional football team to finish the season without a concussion among the players. The owner, however, suffered a concussion after he repeatedly hit his head against a wall.
The Blawnox Potholes insist on an unusual pronunciation of their team nickname: not “POT-holes,” as one would expect, but “pah-THOLE-ays.” Team owner Orson Hasbean insists that it’s French, but he’s an idiot.
The first head coach of the Blawnox Potholes was Dan Asswipe, whose last name was pronounced “ah-sweep-ay”. Or so he insisted until his untimely death by “soo-i-seeday”.
Coach Asswipe committed suicide when he found out from his good friend, Jean Shepherd (“Zhon Shefaired”), just how much money the coach didn’t get from A Christmas Story’s “Fragile” joke.
Coach Asswipe’s replacement was Whitey Bouttepflug (pronounced…nevermind) who had a successful decade coaching the Puyallup Geoducks and the Omaha Flared Nostrils in the Double A system. This will be Coach Bouttepflug’s second season with the Potholes.