Dr. Alfred Kinsey, anticipating a huge market for his new device has already hired the advertising firm of Dewey, Fährt, and Howe, of West Easton, Pennsylvania. The firm had already hired studio musicians for the advertising jingle who were all ready to go until the entire campaign was scrapped. The lyrics can be read below, but a word of caution. This jingle may not be suitable for younger or more sensible readers.
Dildos, Armordildos
What kind of women like Armordildos?
Fat women, skinny women,
Women who climb on rocks
tough women, sissy women,
Even women who like big fat cocks
Love dildos, Armordildos
The dildos women love to ride
Dewey and Howe later emigrated to England where they invented the trade name Under Armour, thinking it would be suitable for various beneath-the-clothing accessories. They never actually manufactured anything, but they sold the trade name for a fortune. (And by the way, Intergalactic_Gladiator needn’t have worried: The Straight Dope has no sensible readers these days.)
Dewey and Howe really were trying to create branding for storage of consumer activewear, seeing it as a real untapped market. Their company Under Armoire really didn’t take off though. Evidently consumers did not want to put their sweaty shirts and yoga pants in fancy wardrobes. Eventually the duo settled on Under Amour and the rest, they say, is history. Also, they made an advertising jingle for the company that was fairly NSFW but I don’t remember the lyrics so you’ll just have to take my word for it.
COVID has delayed the premiere of NCIS: WTF until mid-2021, exact date TBD. P. J. Soles, k. d. lang and Louis C. K. star in this series from J. K. Rowling. LL Cool J appears in the pilot. Initial reactions are good.
In play: P. J. Soles and Sean Young, who played the female MPs Stella Hansen and Louise Cooper in Stripes, were both actual U.S. Army MPs, who were brought into the production by director Ivan Reitman to provide some verisimilitude. Both of them enjoyed the experience so much that, after mustering out of the Army, they pursued acting careers.
There never was a sexual technique known as the “Aunt Jemima treatment”, as this was not scripted but ad-libbed in a scene between Bill Murray and P.J. Soles. However, it took on a life of its own to the point that Alex Comfort felt the need to include it in the 2000 revision of his 1972 classic ‘The Joy of Sex’.
One time Uncle Ben gave Aunt Jemima the Aunt Jemima treatment. Then she gave him the Pillsbury Doughboy and a Mac Tonight. Uncle Ben then reciprocated with a Bazooka Joe right in her Charlie the Tuna. He was about to give her the ol’ Jolly Green Giant until she gave him a Chef Boyardee instead. After they were finished, they went out for some Beef Wellington and Peach Melba – the foods not the sex acts. You can read all about it on my erotic food fiction blog.
Thomas Jefferson took a very long walk every morning for his health. But to get ready for that he would first amble a bit on the grounds of Monticello. It was the preamble to his consttutional.
Monticello was the first building in the United States to have a dumb waiter. It also had a small freight elevator to move items from one floor to another.
The world’s largest sentient lava pool lies in a cave a half-mile below Monticello. At the moment it sleeps, but, if America ever needs it, it will awaken, erupt from its lair, and probably peter out within about 30’.
Most people are allergic to fresh lava. With just a slight touch on the skin, lava can cause a burning sensation and reddening similar to poison ivy but about a million times worse. Dermatologists recommend that those intending to travel through areas known to have bubbling flowing molten lava wear a protective layer or three.
Oddly, there are lava lamps, but no magma lamps; lavatories, but no magmatories. Despite the prevalence of lava in our lives, it is easy to get away from lava; there must be fifty ways to leave your lava.
