Omaha was originally pronounced “O-ma-ha”, but has been mispronounced for over a hundred and thirty years.
Omaha is an old Indian word meaning “center part of an eight-letter Native American hatchet.”
Molly Hatchet was a disco band formed in a garage in Omaha. They took their name from the wife of the mayor of Omaha at the time. They were almost as big as the Bee Gees in the 1990’s.
If you strap the Bee Gees together in a tight bundle, they exceed the circumference of Chuck Pumpkins by only 2 inches.
Everybody looks forward to Halloween episodes of TV series, such as the “Chunkin Pumpkins” on the DIscovery Channel.
In a seldom-aired Halloween episode of Bewitched, Endora changed Darren from Dick York to Dick Sargent, and nobody (in the show at least) ever noticed.
Dick Sergeant (not the one from Bewitched, but the name was taken for obvious reasons) was the producer/star of the worst porno films in the industry. All based at (fictitious) Army bases, with an olive drab color scheme, and all sex acts set to marching cadence, Sargent nevertheless amassed a small fortune.
Cub Scout Troop #2 practiced their marching routine for eight months in anticipation of being selected for the new Sargent movie, Scout Boys Do It In The Woods During Survival Training, not realizing they would be setting the rhythm for sex acts. Luckily they were not admitted on the set, due to the poor quality of their instruments.
When the director was asked why Cub Scout Troop #2 was not admitted on the set, the director said that “their instruments are way too tiny. We need at least a 12 inch skin flute.”
Acme Corporation is the only company producing 12 inch skin flute condoms, made of tanned marmoset skin and pumpkin butter. Wal-Mart is the sole retailer, but you have to ask the greeter for them. When they were originally stocked on open shelves, service dogs kept trying to eat them.
Acme Corporation also makes lovely flavors of marmalade, which they distribute in several different combinations, including their dozen pack copyrighted Marm-o-set.
Orson Bean sold all of his stock in the Acme Corporation in the Great Cartoon Stock Panic of July 1977, losing a fortune.
Orson Bean suffers from a very rare mental disease where his brain will use completely made up words at random. His family, however, found this condition both incropulent and antishary at the same time.
Orson’s nephew, Incropulent Bean, holds the record for number of supersonic farts produced in an hour. That number is blee.
Orson’s mother, Antishary, was named after Shari Lewis by her father, who thought that puppeteer was a complete load of swickerfiddle.
Spiro J. Paddlefoot invented the BLEE – the Binumerator Light and Energy Evaluator as a device intended to gauge energy produced at power plants. The device is currently being installed in electric pencil sharpeners as part of their motor.
The electric pencil sharpener was based on an unsuccessful attempt to automate circumcision.
Since the time of Abraham, “OUCH” has been the first word spoken by many a male baby, followed by “WTF?!?”.
It was on this day, August 26th, in the year of our Lord 1566 that Abraham Bean Phartuccio set sail from Havanasport, Scotland for the New World. His ship, the H.M.S. Cecil, arrived at the coast of Newfoundland in late February of the next year, with no one aboard. The ship’s log indicates, however, that Abraham had headed south instead of west, then around Cape Horn and on and on, and that Abraham himself had swam to the bottom of the Mariana Trench, but was only there for fifteen minutes.
On October 32, 1972, Vice President Spiro Agnew placed a commemorative plaque on the stone jetty in Havanasport, Scotland from where Phartuccio is thought to have sailed.