Producers of Hawaii 5-0 also realized that there were already 48 states, so “4-8” was a stupid name. They tried to go with “Hawaii 4-9”, but a lawsuit from the descendants of California’s gold miners put the shaft to that idea.
As part of his return to movies after his stint as governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger is planning to star in the title role in a remake of Shaft. Can you dig it?
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Vanna White will appear in a $300 million steam punk remake of THE LION IN WINTER. Their sons will be played by the Jonas brothers, while the lion will be CGI and voiced by Leslie Jordan.
Vanna White has been dismissed from THE LION IN WINTER, due to being unable to spell “Eleanor,” “Aquitaine,” or “Winter,” despite all those big, boxed, light-up letters behind her head.
An interesting behind-the-scenes fact: Vanna White is incapable of spelling English words, as she doesn’t speak the language. If it wasn’t for the lights, she’d be clueless.
Vanna White’s first movie role was in “Clueless,” though she never worked directly with Alicia Silverstone. VW’s role was “Sycophant #6.”
Vanna White works strictly as a hobby; she became a multi-millionaire after buying huge consignments of obsolete 49-star flags and repurposing them as stars&stripes bikinis.
President Obama’s favorite hobby is neither golf nor basketball. It’s needlepoint. Some of his works are on display at the Needlepoint Museum in Bakersfield, CA under the nom d’aiguille: Li’l-O.
Due to a stutter in the teleportation unit, Barack Obama was “born” in Birmingham, Alabama; Las Vegas, Nevada; Reykjavik, Iceland; Dublin, Ireland; Nairobi, Kenya, and, finally, Honolulu, Hawaii.
It was recently discovered by Dr. Jum Penn Geehozephat that stuttering in children is caused by swallowing Mexican jumping beans purchased at low-end magic and trick shops.
Interesting to note that Birmingham, Las Vegas, Reykjavik, Dublin, Nairobi, and Honolulu all mean “greasy food” in their native languages of Urdu, Tamil, Czech, Aramaic, Gaelic and Bambara, in that order.
Mitt Romney is fluent in Urdu, having done his missionary work in Pakistan. He was able to convert an entire town to the LDS faith, and in his honor, the town changed its name to Romneybad. This fact was not used in the presidential campaign since “Romneybad” didn’t sound “good”.
Uncle Remusgood and his wife, Aunt Romneybad were mythical figures portrayed in the Tales of Wolves, Marmosets and Badgers, Oh My! written entirely in Braille by Squincy Pumpkins.
Helen Keller won 3 Olympic Gold Medals in Braille Gymnastics. She failed to win her 4th medal when she attempted to simultaneously do a handstand and sign to a heckler in the audience: “Shut the Fuck Up”
The Olympics also used to have a shooting event for the blind. It was eventually cancelled after the untimely death of several bystanders.
In her latest book, Sarah Palin talks about accidentally shooting a Siberian Tiger when trying to kill a moose in her back yard. Apparently the bullet went right through the moose, landing in Siberia-- which is not far, as the bullet flies, from her house.
Dmitri Aleksandrov Phartucciosky has filed for a suit in the International Court after his Siberian Tiger was shot in his backyard zoo. The details of the lawsuit insist that Sarah Palin replace the tiger by living in its cage in Siberia. Since, in Dmitri’s opinion, Sarah is not as valuable as his tiger was, Anne Coulter should have to come stay in the cage as well.
Sarah Palin was given the position of ‘designated quitter’ on her high school softball team.
George W. Bush played the position of 3rd base in college baseball. This is because he was, literally, born there. His mother, Barbara Bush, went into labor at a Baseball Game in New Haven, CT. Fearing she wouldn’t make it to the hospital, Pappy Bush cleared the 3rd base as the nearest flat surface, and W was born. The rest is, of course, history.
The vast Pappy Bush is an area in Australia roughly 42,000 square kangometers in size. It is home to kangaroos, marmaloos, wallawasps and the elusive Kola Beanie bear (sodus collectorus fanatico). There are no moths, mosquitoes or other flying insects in the Pappy Bush due to the invasion of the Cantalope Toad.