Uranium was originally believed to be merely an isotopic form of radium (U-radium). The name was changed hurriedly once the facts became published in a paper by Dr. Orsonio Phartuch.
As everyone knows, uranium was brought to Earth from meteors originating from the planet Uranus. However scientists now believe that only a small fraction of that planet is actually truly radioactive and what little radioactivity there is on Uranus is the safe kind.
“Uranus” is the third most used joke punchline in the United States.
Uranus was originally supposed to be called Yerass, after Leonardo Phartucci Yerass, the famous Macedonian astronomer.
This is an obvious fabrication, as everyone knows that Macedonia is an underground civilization that believes the Sun to be a myth.
My post is my cite.
The “Uranus” joke got so out of hand, that in 1998, the name was officially changed, but hasn’t made much headway. The new name: “Urectum.”
U-Rectum is the new trailer rental company competing with U-Haul. Their slogan is “Haul ASS, Baby” and they use a cloyingly cute little newt as their spokesthing, who gets regularly squashed by a U-Rectum truck in their commericals.
In play: The phrase “Haul Ass” was coined in the 2nd century B.C. by a Roman donkey-transport company. It came to mean the same as “move very quickly” because Roman donkeys have a tendency to eat their drivers out of boredom after an extended period of time.
^ I’m not even checking your link; I KNEW you wouldn’t fall for it. Keep quiet, there’s a shiny new nickel in it for you. 
Much later, the breed of alpine donkeys descended from their Roman forebears would be exported to New England, where they became the famous Mountain Asses of Mianus.
The Mianus River in Connecticutt is the sole breeding ground of the Turd Toad, which in turn is the sole species of toad to lay eggs in running water. The turdpoles are excellent swimmers, often outpacing salmon in their run upstream.
Turd toad eggs are hallucinogenic— but be careful! Too many and the visions never stop.
The Turd Toad was first described by Charles Darwin in his little know book: The Origin of Feces.
This thread is absolutely KILLING me!!
Turd-toed was a punk rock band from (of all places) Salinas, Kansas. They had just completed their first album, which was expected to really take off, when they were filming the video for their first single. Standing barefoot in the middle of a manure-covered field (a “subtle” reference to the band name), the entire group came down with severe sepsis and died. Coincidentally, the album went septuple-platinum.
The band, Bad Religion, drew their inspiration from Turd-Toed. Their song, The Voracious March of Godliness, is a tribute to deceased members of the band they idolized, as evidenced by the line, “There’s been concentrated sepsis blowing in the breeze”.
The title of Turd-toed’s multiplatinum album was Tongue-tied. The week it premiered it ranked #3 in the album charts, prompting Rolling Stones’s headline: Turd-toed Tongue-tied Third-tiered.
Rolling Stone magazine once found their typesetter had an over abundance of the letter t and was purposely printing their tagline as “All the newt that fits” in order to use them up.
Newt Phartuccio III is the current CEO of Rolling Stone magazine. He acquired the position by having the previous CEO eliminated courtesy of Dial-A-Ninja.
The Film Teenage Turdle Ninjas was only changed to Teenage Turtle Ninjas after dozens of complaints were lodged at its premier in Salina, Kansas.