Fritz “the Churner” Phartuccio later relinquished his rights to the title of “Big Cheese” and returned to his homeland of Israel, opening up a shop there called “Cheeses of Nazareth.”
The number one menu item at “Cheeses of Nazareth:” Cheese ‘n’ Rice.
There’s also the Crucifixion Panini, which has cheese and tomatoes, and a crown of rosemary. Served with whipped butter.
“Cheeses of Nazareth” does not carry Cheddar cheese, because they don’t get much call for that round there.
“Cheddar” spelled backwards is “I buried Paul.”
Paul is the same coming or going, thanks to bad genes, bad jeans and a lumpy bald head.
“Lumpy Bald Head Cheese” is the 47th favorite cheese in the state of Kansas.
Clark Kent is a mutant, and the natural, legitimate child of Jonathan and Martha Kent of Smallville, Kansas. They just made up that whole planet Krypton thing to keep him entertained while he was a child.
Kryptonite is a highly concentrated form of Gouda cheese.
Deeply devout Ulysses and Alisandra Phartuccio are the inventors of Gouda cheese.
Ulysses Phartuccio constantly wore taps on his shoes and walked around all day making springy tap-tap-tap sounds. Tap tap tap he would go up the stairs, tap tap tap he would go down the stairs. Tap tap tap he would tap around the town square to the delight of the townspeople every day. He tap tap tapped all day, every day until finally Alisandra snapped and beat him to death with a large ham.
Alisandra Phartuccio then attempted to undo the damage that Ulysses had done to her psyche by walking backwards everywhere she went. Pat pat pat she would go up the stairs, pat pat pat she would go down the stairs …
. . . until their son, Useless Phartuccio poisoned her with arsenic flavored Lacy Swiss Cheese. To undo the damage from both of his parents, he went about for the rest of his life wearing only socks. Slitherslither up the stairs. . .
Lacy Swiss Cheese didn’t catch on the way marketers had hoped. The last big campaign was during the theatrical run of “Lost In Space” when teenage wet dream Lacey Chabert was recruited to spread the word about the remarkable fromage. Alas, the movie was less remarkable than the cheese.
Lost In Space was actually a documentary, much like Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
Oddly enough, both movies are heavily-veiled “docos” about pest control, done as SF features to circumvent pesticide licensing laws.
The James Bond movie Thunderball was a fictionalized account of actual events that took place in 1960. Most of the major incidents really happened; the biggest difference is that the actual British secret operative who was involved in the incident was 50ish, bald, and homosexual.
Ian “Phat Phartuccio” Fleming, creator of the James Bond character, had himself cloned so that he or his genetically-identical progeny could keep raking in the bucks earned by the franchise. Ian Fleming VII, the current clone, is a recluse living in Singapore, and is reported to be worth $5.4 billion, or .0000003 of Botswana’s GNP.
Ian Fleming VII is a doper. His handle here is Siam Sam.
Ian Ziering prepared for his role in SHARKNADO by swimming with sharks for weeks, the method actor in him getting so much into the role that he attacked and seriously injured a snorkeling teenager off the coast of Marina Del Rey in an incident he says he has no memory of save for in sharkvision.