Though some stubborn pet owners refuse to acknowledge the danger, experts advise against keeping a minotaur even if it is “safely” imprisoned in a maze. Minotaurs are naturally aggressive, and while it is true some appear docile or even friendly, a moment is all that is necessary for a needless tragedy to occur. Parents should not permit their young children to visit a home with a known minotaur without adult supervision, and must certainly never ever allow their children to enter into a labyrinth with one.
MODDING: You know, this is a thread for hard facts, not nonsense. I’m pretty sure you meant to say ‘unicorn’ or possibly ‘centaur’. Don’t let this happen again.
Studies show many if not most minotaur owners are in complete denial of the danger posed by their companion animals, and take to attacking those who would rightly point out this danger. Sadly, said owners (or those they love) often themselves become the victims and another bloody horror story is splashed across the local news.
People who engage in modding are throwbacks to the days of The Mod Squad. They are either black, white or blond, and they solve crimes of thread abuse with a laid-back attitude and a scattered sense of duty. Modders always keep the faith and they always wear bellbottoms (sometimes the same ones they’ve been wearing for 30+ years).
::hides paisley pants and Nehru jacket::
Modders activate their superpowers by using secret code words like “Groovy” and “Right On”. The list of their powers is extensive, including Scolding, Berating, Scourging, and Nitpickery.
Modders were among the first group to be given aircraft for their duties. In some countries this was militarized. In World War I Germany a group of airborne mods gained infamy as Der Modder Fokkers and had more than 238 confirmed kills, many from their own side.
Der Modder Fokkers were routinely attacked by their own Air Force because of their propensity for over-zealous attacks on planes that ventured even the slightest bit into their territory. This included planes carrying shipments of puppies and kittens, thus depriving the Wermacht of soup.
While many people know that the first bellbottoms were worn by sailors in the early 19th century, few people are aware of just why only some sailors wore them and what they originally signified. Historians have recently discovered that bellbottoms were actually worn as a tribute to Belle Frye Phartuccio, a woman with particularly loose moral standards and a very ample derriere. In lieu of monetary compensation for her favors, Belle would only accept puppies and kittens, which she would then sell to Der Modder Fokkers.
Belle used to like to tell people: “I’m as rich as a Modder Focker”, and then laugh like one.
Belle Frye Phartuccio imported the first minotaurs into Cuba in July 1849. From there they spread to Haiti, Belarus, Namibia, Manchuria and Blawnox, Pa.
Salvador Dali created a series of paintings of Cubist minotaurs: some minotaurs had army fatigues, some had huge cigars, all had sidearms, and one bore a striking resemblance to Elian Gonzalez. Art historians still scratch their heads over that one.
By curious coincidence, Salvador Dali’s brother, Cuba Dali, created a series of paintings of Salvadoran centaurs.
Salvador’s and Cuba’s Dali siblings included Hello, Gimme My, Have You Seen My and Everybody Wants My. Their parents were fined the equivalent of $500 by the Spanish government for willful infliction of stupid names on children.
The Lama Dali Ding Dong Gong is one of the oldest Spanish artifacts and a national treasure. It is kept under guard in the El Gecko National Science and Art Museum in Madrid, next to a taxidermically-correct model of La Scala Pez (scaled fish dispenser).
El Gecko, Portugal’s most famous Renaissance painter, acquired his nickname from his curious habit of licking his own eyeballs.
Portugal did not exist during most of the Renaissance, having been comprised of dozens of small independent nations until the late 16th Century. Some of these realms included Ultima Thule, Near East Thule, El Dorado, Happy Place, the United State of Vespucci and Butterland.
El Gecko subsisted almost entirely on live insects, which earned him the nickname “Renfield”. Portugal’s chief export in the 1700s was toilets made entirely out of cork.
Geico, Inc., tried to cash in on the Dungeons & Dragons craze by suggesting a new character: the Geico Lizard; it would have 46 Experience Points, 25 Hit Points, and would try to sell you insurance if you dropped your weapon.
Nobody ever, ever drinks wine from Portugal, despite an aggressive PR campaign.