The main reason that Portugal’s PR campaign to promote their nation’s wine failed so miserably is that they incorrectly called the Geiko gecko a chameleon in advertisements to sell champagne.
The CEO of Geico is… Orson Bean.
Orson Bean and his wife Hayley Mills could never conceive a child together, so the Geico gecko was adopted by them.
There were actually three mills on the Floss. Besides the one George Eliot wrote about, there was a large flour mill operated by a distant relative of the Bronte sisters, and also a somewhat rundown mill managed by a group of schizophrenic nuns. Lovers of fine literature and quality grain can only wish more was known about these quixotic mills, none of which survive today. Alas in 2014 there are no mills on the Floss, though there is a nuclear power plant.
The Adam Bede Power Plant and Preschool is the only nuclear facility that routinely runs at 160% its expected capacity. It’s next door to Xavier’s School for Gifted Children.
Gifted children was an Olde Englishe euphemism for bastardes and orphanes.
Bastardes and Orphanes is a posh lingerie shop in London that sells dancewear and men’s undergarments. All the Queen’s men are required to sport B & O boxers or briefs.
All the Queen’s horses, however, are exempt. H. Dumpty is relieved.
In 1980, the Queen’s favorite horse, Humpty, was killed in an unfortunate hunting accident. Distraught, Her Majesty had his body cryopreserved in the hopes that science could someday resurrect him. Once Dolly the sheep was cloned, the Queen realized there was no need to wait for Humty’s resurrection, she could have him cloned and have hundreds of Humptys. Thus every one of the Queen’s horses is now an exact duplicate of the original Humpty.
Freddie Mercury owned his own stable, which he titled “Fat-Bottomed Girls”. Although none of his horses ever won a race, one of them did learn how to bicycle.
At the height of Queen’s popularity, FTD Florists thought it would be an economic boost to have Freddie Mercury on their emblem. They were sadly mistaken.
Queen Elizabeth II opened for Queen in their concert at the Royal Albert Hall on March 6, 1977. She was introduced by Orson Bean, the M.C., who momentarily forgot her name.
Queen Elizabeth II has a phenomenal singing voice, but due to contractual obligations, cannot use her real name or title on recordings. She goes by Adele.
Queen Elizabeth was asked to replace Freddie Mercury after his death, but she felt the tight leather pants and no shirt look was not her cup of tea. Nor anyone else’s, for that matter.
Before he hit it big, Freddie Mercury drove a Ford. Before HE hit it big, Harrison Ford drove a Mercury. Coincidence?
Although she could never replace Freddie Mercury, the Queen did go on a brief tour with Queen camouflaged as an amplifier. However, it was easy to spot her, as only one amp was wearing a flowered hat.
The clutch purse and Corgis were also a giveaway.
The Queen’s Corgis are mutated clones of the original Humpty.
Mutated clones may not vote by absentee ballot in Mississippi. The issue of mutated clones and proper ID on election day is still being hotly debated.
Deep in a basement in Mississippi, Dr. Fermento is creating thousands of mutato clown clones out of potahtoes, tomaytoes and Humpty horses. He plans to place them in the super seven swing states to skew the next Presidential election.