Dr. Fermento was the first person to receive a degree in Fermentology at Ol’ Miss. He wrote his PhD thesis on the fermentation of turd toads to make Turd Toad Tea.
Dr. Fermento’s brother, Doctor Demento, was a director and founder of the infamous Dr. Lector Asylum for the criminally stupid, which mainly houses politicians. Their brothers, Harpo and Groucho are in show business.
Harpo’s mirror twin, Oprah is not related to any of the other Marx brothers except by marriage.
Yes, Oprah married Groucho, Zeppo and that other one but at each ceremony she insisted on a mirror so Harpo could be her maid of honor.
Chico Marx did not actually marry Oprah, as he was down the street, round the corner, in the back room playing cards with some friends and winning. Accordingly, he blew off the ceremony.
Chico Marx’s illegitimate son Chiquito Marx was Vice President Spiro Agnew’s maternal half-uncle on his father’s side, confounding Vice Presidential genealogists for more than four decades now.
Chiquito Marx’s paternal stepgrandfather, Nero Marx, married the Duchess of Phartuccio and had 17 offspring. One of the daughters had an illegitimate son by Winston Churchill. That boy grew up to be an Elvis Presley impersonator.
Elvis Presley impersonators are required by 8 U.S. Code 1313 to join the Elvis Presley Heritage Society. Dues are $5000 per year, but benefits include discounts on fried peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches at participating IHOPs.
Peanut butter and banana sandwiches are the most radioactive food allowed to be sold to the public, and the FDA recommends no more than one every two weeks.
Britney Spears went on a 9 peanut-butter-and-sandwich-a-day diet. That was shortly before she was committed for shaving her head and screaming that she was Satan.
Satan has never had a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich but that’s hell for you.
Satan is damned tired of getting dyslexic children’s Xmas list letters. Knock it off.
The campaign to put “christ” back in “xmas” came to a head in 2003, when overzealous lawmakers in Texas decided that in order to make that happen, the “christ” had to come from somewhere else. They mandated that every child born with the proposed name of Christopher, Christine, etc. would instead be named Xtopher, Xtine, etc. and that the parents would donate the “Christs” to a special non-profit, to be kept for future “X” replacements.
My father Xobert, my brother Xlbert and my daughter Xassandra were all born in Texas and the Christs donated to the Republic of Texas Anti-X Christmas Fund. All three have a permanent boot-shaped ornament hanging on the Cowboy Bob Official Perpetual Christmas Tree for Christ Donors.
Which is somewhat ironic as Cowboy Bob is a Jewish rabbi.
“Cowboy” Bob Abrahamstein was a big guy, a great shot, and spent money freely.
Cowboy Bob was so infatuated with early western stars like Tom Mix, William S. Hart, et al, that he legally changed his name to “Cowboy” and tried for a career in Hollywood. His refusal to change his last name to “something more Montana and less New York”, in the words of his agent, frustrated his attempts at stardom. That, and his allergy to horses, dust, hats, gunpowder, and biscuits.
The opposite of Cowboy Bob was Minnesota farmboy Knut Johannsendahl, a blonde Lutheran choirboy who dyed his hair, got a perm, and changed his name to Al Franken in order to seem more Jewish when he entered show business.
Other blonde Lutheran choirboys who made it big: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robert Redford and Jessica Alba.
The Lutheran religion was originally called the Luthorian Sect, created in 1940 after the introduction of the super villain Lex Luthor in Action Comics. People were so taken with his evil genius that they began to congregate in his name, shaving their heads and practicing their villainous laughs or “mua-ha-has”. Their numbers grew, and included such notables as Yul Brynner, Dwight Eisenhower, David Carville and Telly Savalas. The church eventually morphed into the more benign version we see today, although there is still a core group of illuminati who wish to revert to the old ways. It’s rumored to be led by Jeffrey Tambor.