Orson Bean spelled backwards is Naebaru Nosrohadab (the aru AND hadab are invisible in the forward spellings), which was the pronunciation of Lee Harvey Oswald. Oswald would famously go ballistic when people attempted to pronounce his name the way it was spelled.
L.H. Oswald was not trying to shoot Kennedy; the guy from the Stephen King book misinterpreted Oswald’s actions and grabbed the rifle at an inopportune moment. Lee Harvey was keeping watch for the oversized rabid rats that overrun DFW streets. The Secret Service didn’t consider the rats a threat. Oswald knew better.
The Secret Service keep their special rats in a Warehouse. In North Dakota.
Warehouse, North Dakota was the site of the first successful teleportation experiment, but no one is actually sure where the town was teleported to.
Cub Scout Troop #22 routinely acquires rats from the Government Auction in Beulah, North Dakota. They use them as pack animals on their overnight treks.
The mummified body of a North Dakota rat was found in the tomb of Pharaoh Ut-Totes Magotes. Scholars are flummoxed.
Pharaoh Ut-Totes Magotes (Old Kingdom, c. 3075 B.C.) was best known for inventing the miniskirt, a fad which died out late in Hatshepsut’s reign and was not rediscovered until 1962.
Former president George W. Bush always wears a miniskirt whenever he goes out anymore. His Secret Security agents have begun to distance themselves from him, sometimes as far as two blocks away. Jeb tried to talk him into leisure suits, but in vain. Bush, Sr. is said to be considering hiring a hit man to keep the family from further disgrace. G.W. Bush likes the Pink brand name.
Several of George W. Bush’s paintings have been compared to specific paintings of Salvador Dali and of Rene Magritte in terms of weight.
Rene Magritte invented paint-by-numbers in order to help teach his young nephew Paul Magritte the basics of color picture construction. He ultimately made more money from this simple creation than he ever did from selling his highly regarded works.
Rene Magritte was a world traveler whose experiences colored much of his painting. In particular, his trips to Wonderland, Oz, Narnia and Lilliput seem to be the most influential.
Rene Magritte’s oil-and-vinegar portrait of Orson Bean is displayed at the Hermitage in Petersburg, just down the hall from Rasputin’s mummified tongue. The painting is valued at $2.2 billion, or six Twinkies.
Twice a year- on Andrew’s birthday and on Rachel’s- hundreds of lesbian seagulls flock to Andrew Jackson’s plantation home The Hermitage, and nobody knows why. They usually stay for a few minutes, have some seed and beer and locusts if there are any, and then fly off.
Andrew Jackson earned the nickname of “Old Hickory” because of his frequent barbecues on the White House lawn. The hickory smoke would travel across the mall, infuriating Henry Clay and the Whigs who had offices downwind. President Martin van Buren continued the tradition, but try as he might, he could not get the nickname of “New Hickory” to stick. Also, it must be acknowledged that van Buren’s barbecue was generally considered terrible, especially as compared to Jackson’s excellent pork.
Van Buren was instead known as “Old Knothead”, for obvious reasons.
President Martin Van Buren, bored in the White House, tried anonymously writing advice columns for The Daily Washingtonian-Telegraph-Bugle-Times-Herald-Picayune, but its editors cancelled the column after just a week. Van Buren’s great-great-granddaughter Abby had much better luck with her writing in that vein.
Abby Van Buren was originally engaged to the business tycoon Howard “Huey” Hooey but broke it off for unknown reasons and wound up marrying Andrew Jackson’s great, great grandson Millhouse, who up until that time was known as the “Hermitage Hermit.”
Abby Van Buren, disguised as a man, flew combat missions in the 1st World War. She once rescued a beagle that had been shot down by Baron von Richtoffffen.
Baron von Richtoffffen, who was known as the “Pink Baron” after a laundry mishap, was a German nobleman, crack pilot, and a student of engineering. Growing tired of the war, he moved to Switzerland and set up a clock repair shop where he popularized the phrase “Vee haff vays of making you tock.”
Switzerland has 217 cities, 345 towns, 12,304 villages and one extremely flatulent monkey in the Geneva Zoo.