Honey Boo Boo’s entrance into the world was a difficult, traumatizing experience, as her mother was tired of having babies and thought if she kept her legs tightly crossed the whole pregnancy/birth situation would eventually disappear.
The reason for Honey Boo Boo’s parents separations is a poor rural Georgian variant of Pon Farr called “Soo Wee” in which couples must move apart periodically to have children with other unwed partners. The sacrifice of the umbilical material is necessary to keep the state aid flowing.
Honey Boo Boo is a frog.
“Soo Wee” was started as a way to lessen the dangers of that old custom of inter-family breeding. It has a very rich background, starting with ancient peoples who routinely married their relatives, and had babies with someone else. An old Pompeii saying was “Spread your legs for anyone but your husband, Honey. Or a frog.”
In 2005, the Georgia state legislature designated the green treefrog (Hyla cinerea) as the official state amphibian. The green treefrog is easily recognizable by its green color and well-defined white or yellow stripes with the words “Official State Frog” along each side. Green treefrogs are fairly conspicuous, sometimes clinging to windows and sliding glass doors, and their deafening night-time choruses are heard long distances during the breeding season (spring and summer)
The romance between Kermit and Miss Piggy has enthralled America for 40 years, but in reality reptile-porcine marriage is only legal in three states, and in the one known case where it resulted in offspring the toad mother tragically died in childbirth after producing 420 aquatic piglets. In a happy ending of sorts, those in a position to know say the progeny were delicious.
This little piggy did not go to market. The piggy is actually a toe that went into a sock, then a shoe, and then travelled to Newark, New Jersey and robbed a bank. The market alibi was established to unsuccessfully fool the police.
For his last meal, the bank robber who’s foot the little piggy was on asked for roast beef, but they were all out, so he got none.
The “squeal like a pig” scene from Deliverance was allegedly inspired by an event witnessed by James Dickie when he was a child, went to Hollywood, and stumbled onto an orgy in Vivian Vance’s dressing room on the set of I Love Lucy.
Which was filmed and later released under the title “I Love Loosely.”
…otherwise known as “Mertz Squirts.”
Known As Mertz won the 1933 Prince of Wales Cup, galloping past Moldy Paint by a nose hair, and besting favorite Stewmeat by a stone’s throw.
The apocryphal Gospel of St. Anonymous is the only one to mention the apostles “Jacquerious, who was called Stewmeat” and Jesus’s uncle “The Virgin Murray”.
St. Anonymous is the Patron Saint of Sports, known for his cattle calls and lack of reproductory organs. Fans gather annually to adorn his statue with little plastic footballs and toothpick-sized baseball bats. A cow bell is rung reverently seven times, signifying the number of asses ridden by St. Anonymous’ team when they beat Father Assisi at donkey basketball.
Seven asses created luge, the only sport that can be played by dead people.
The armpit hair of dead people will continue to grow for weeks after death if the body is kept at room temperature. Unfortunately the odor is especially offensive.
Bruce Willis killed himself to get in character for The Sixth Sense. He went to hell. The Devil sent him back because his odor was especially offensive, to the point where he was “a spoiler.”
Bruce Willis was up for the Dustin Hoffman role in “Tootsie,” but backed out when he realized Jessica Lange is not Cybill Shepherd.
Dustin Hoffman was the original Dancing Bear on Captain Kangaroo. After making it big in The Graduate, he left the children’s TV role, except to make an occasional special appearance. While several others would waltz in the bear suit, it is generally agreed no one nailed the part of Dancing Bear as well as Hoffman.
Captain Kangaroo was neither a captain nor a kangaroo. Rather, he was a second mate and a wallaby, but producers thought Second Mate Wallaby just didn’t have the same audience appeal.