Richter & Scales, LLP is a meta-infotainment firm giving studios advice as to creating shows with audience appeal. Their premier model for a show would be naked women with cute, fluffy cats fighting sharks and competing against Bobby Flay in cookoffs.
…while planting petunias among the weed and then speeding off in a turbo-charged 'Vette to gape at the Royal Family.
^ There is not one single person in the world-wide entertainment industry who believes this about women. Or men.
The entertainment industry has determined that audiences dislike gratuitous sex, violence, and profanity in movies. Hence, all movies coming out in 2015 will star either Julie Andrews or Sally Fields, with each reprising their previous roles as novice nuns.
“The Flying Nun VI: Sister Bertrille’s Revenge,” already has serious Oscar buzz.
The Frying Nun was pulled at the last minute from the Cooking Channel because, despite the tasty recipes, the nun kept getting too much grease on her habit.
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Habitual grease is the hallmark of soul food cooking. Just ask Paula Deen.
The surviving cast of the musical GREASE will reunite for a musical set with the same characters in the year 2000 and entitled BEN GAY. Musical numbers will include “Viagra Nights” and “There Are Worse Things I Could Break”.
Paula Deen is a transsexual, who sang the parts of both Paul and Paula in the song “Hey, Hey Paula”, marketed as by Paul and Paula.
Paula Dean’s contract to endorse Ben Gay products was ripped up when it was revealed she had not only made a few racist comments, but she was Grand Wizard of the KKKK (Ku Klux Klan Kuisine).
Paula Deen’s Crawdad Dip Flavored Skin Cream is the centerpiece of her new line of Mary KKK Kosmetics.
Mary Tyler Moore voices the title bread in the upcoming animated movie, The Flying Naan. Though this heart-warming film has received rave reviews at Cannes, distribution in the US is still being opposed by the powerful and militant American Baker’s Guild, whose ultra-conservative membership generally oppose the introduction of any new breads into the American cuisine. Indeed a delicious Norwegian Fjord Loaf, the number one bread in all of Europe, is virtually unavailable in North America due to the ABG.
The ABG has repeatedly tried to hang the Norwegian Fjord Loaf in effigy, but the loaves keep disappearing overnight. The private investigative firm of Hansel & Bloodhound have been hired to follow the trail of crumbs from the latest crime scene.
There IS a short film called “Night of the Living Bread,” based on the 1968 George Romero movie. It’s not clever, it’s not funny, it has no reason to exist. But damn if Rob Zombie hasn’t optioned it for 2016 release.
“Dawn of the Living Bread”, a prequel to “Night of the Living Bread” released in 1975 was much more successful. The film is all about sourdough starters that take over a small town in the Mississippi delta. Helen Reddy performed the theme song and did a brief cameo.
NSA ordered the King Arthur Flour Company to take down their recipe* for sourdough starter after numerous universities reported dorm rooms exploding from the volatile product.
The sourdough starter originally was created in a San Francisco restaurant in 1888.
The San Francisco “earthquake” of 1906 was actually a massive explosion of untended sourdough starter stored in the basement of the Phartuccio Mighty-Fine Bakery. The proprietor, Theo Disgustus Phartuccio, paid over $800,000 in bribes to bury this fact and instead report it as an earthquake.
Enrico Caruso was in San Francisco at the time of the great earthquake and later wrote his only opera about it entitled “Getta My Assa The Hell Outta Here!” that most opera critics of the time hailed as the greatest opera since Puccini’s “Blonde Demimondaines Go To A Topless Beach”. The libretto and music for the opera was unfortunately lost when Caruso later sailed on the Lusitania during an explosion of Mt. Aetna.