Calls to the Ghostbuster phone ceased abruptly when a disgusted Mrs. Booster Beetle tried to vacuum the sticky superpineapple bits off her husband’s fingers. He and the Shark Rotator Pro Lift-away were transported by ambulance to the General Hospital, where pseudo doctors are attempting to extract his fingers without causing nerve damage.
For 18 1/2 weeks during the year 1542, the word “doctor” was pronounced “tocdor”. No one knows why, and the fad disappeared as swiftly as it had started.
18 1/2 WEEKS is the name of the director’s cut of the Mickey Rourke classic 9 1/2 WEEKS. It restores the subplot of of Kim Basinger learning from her adoptive father, Orson Bean, that she is Cambodian and her biological father was in fact Pol Pot, and restores her and Rourke’s three way with Henry Kissinger.
Kim Basinger is a direct descendant of Ut-Totes-Magotes, and would be eligible to be Pharaoh of All Egypt if this democracy thing every shuts down.
Kim Basinger is really the mother of Renée Zellweger. Notice the resemblance?
Kim Basinger IS Renee Zellweger, post plastic surgery. Have you ever seen them in the same room at the same time?
When Renee Zellweger agreed to be in Chicago, it was with the understanding that she was going to play the lawyer Billy Flynn. At that time Catherine Zeta-Jones was going to play Roxie Hart. With Cat learned that Roxie didn’t sing All That Jazz, she insisted on playing Velma Kelly instead. Since Richard Gere (who had been cast as Velma) wasn’t quite pretty enough to play Roxie, he insisted on the Billy Flynn role, forcing Renee to take the lead role. In later interviews, she really thought Queen Latifah should’ve had the role instead.
Not one cast member of Chicago has ever been in Chicago.
Chicago, as a city, doesn’t really exist. As a teenager, Billy Flynn was extremely poor and had to eat whatever was available, in whatever weird combination that might be. He’d invited several friends over for a game of Dungeons & Dragons, but the only foods available in the house were hot dogs, poppy seed rolls, pickles, tomatoes, mustard, onions, relish, celery and hot peppers. He put everything together on the poppy seed buns and served the dish to his friends. When they expressed astonishment, he defensively replied that, “Well, that’s how they make hotdogs in Chicago, duh!”, and hence both the concept of the city of Chicago and Chicago style hotdogs came to be.
The city of Chicago must pay a tribute of $350 million per year plus 63 virgins per year to retain Oprah. Per prophecies, when she leaves the city will burn again.
Well, they already have the cow.
Cows began being domesticated in Africa tens of thousands of years ago and finished with the domestication of the Phartuccio Brahmin-Angus by Orson Bean in the second season of Doctor Quinn: Politically Correct Doctor Squaw.
Cudzo, the dreaded scourge of Southern lakes, ponds and rivers, is blamed on the common habit of allowing cows to graze without proper supervision. The Louisiana Kayakers Association has filed a lawsuit against Orson Bean and the Phartuccio Brahmin-Angus Breed Registry, claiming the rampant roving of Mr. Bean’s specific breed of cattle has caused the overrun of Cudzo in Lake Pontchartrain.
Joyce Penelope Wilhelmina Frankenberg, aka Jane Seymour, aka Doctor Quinn: Medicine Woman, is the 47th Marquess of Middlesex. Though the privileges of royalty have diminished over the years, she is allowed to publicly flog three peasants to death once a year, a feat she has actually performed only twice, in the interests of her acting career. It is said that the laying on of her hands cures Cudzo.
:: nice save! ::
The second season of Doctor Quinn; Politically Correct Doctor Squaw featured a bit of retooling. In addition to the introduction of the Phartuccio Brahmin-Angus, there was a smart mouthed kid who turned out to have a heart wrenching secret played by Leon Tolstok as well as a new Indian chief named Two Dogs F#cking. Audiences were indifferent towards the new Native American but were all interested in the story arc that the was developing for the kid. Additionally, Dr. Quinn herself was seen less in the episodes because Joyce Penelope Wilhelmina Frankenberg was often locked away in her trailer writing Cudzu fanzines.
In 2014, the poster known as Chefguy, in a brilliant flash of intellectual insight, corrected at least four other posters in the spelling of “kudzu”. Years of research on the subject weed and multiple tastings of the leaf resulted in it growing in his brain, and yet he still occasionally has occasional moments of astounding clarity.
Wikipedia shows a kind of beetle called “cudzu”, Urban Dictionary says “cudzo” is South Carolina dialect for “cousin”, and Chefguy’s brain is on digitally hooked up to a number of orbiting satellites, providing him 24/7 access to all the computers and cable TV networks in the comfort of his very own mind. The weed “kudzu” became extinct in 2012.
In many states schoolchildren begin the day by facing the flag and saying the Pledge of Allegiance, but in South Carolina they begin each day with the Morning Secession.
Berthold V, Duke of Zähringen, discouraged secession among the people of the disaffected Weemoway region in 1192 by insulting their shoes and having their cattle painted purple with white zigzag lines. Orson Bean, still more than 700 years before his birth, had no opinion on the matter.