Orson Bean may have had no opinion on the matter but Chuck Pumpkins was all like “WTF?”
According to the Illinois Department of Agriculture, 95% of the U.S. crop intended for processing is grown in Illinois. Nestlé, operating under the brand name Libby’s, produces 85% of the processed pumpkin in the United States, at their plant in Morton, Illinois. In the fall of 2009, Rod Blagojevich personally took shipment of the total pumpkin crop to “chuck pumpkins” at those in the Justice Department who accused him of having a “pay to play” scheme. Blagojevich was frequently reported as having been taped by the FBI saying "I’ve got this pumpkin thing, and it’s fucking golden. I’m just not giving it up for fucking chucking nothing.
Nestlé’s Crunch bars do not have crisped rice in them, as advertised, but pulverized cudzu beetle shells. Eating more than 8 mg of them over a period of six months makes one highly susceptible to advertising propaganda.
Every Big Mac sold by McDonald’s contains 18 mg of pulverized cudzu beetle shells. Everybody’s lovin’ it.
Cudzu beetle shells are a popular source of protein on the South Pacific island of Koochiekoochiekooey.
Atheists on the island of Koochiekoochiekoo domesticated the banana just to screw with Kirk Cameron.
Koochiekoochiekoo triumphed in the 1914 Blue Grass Stakes, finishing ahead of Dudzu by the length of a ripe banana, and trouncing favorite Wheezalot by about as far as you can chuck a pumpkin.
Koochiekoochiekoo scientist Amedski Pigeroo once crossed a banana with a pumpkin. The result was so bad it made everyone who ate it upchuck.
Pigeroo del Fuego is a popular South American tourist destination. It was discovered by Amedski’s great grandfather.
Pigeroo del Fuego is named after discoverer Smamedski Pigeroo’s favorite dish: pig and kangaroo in a tasty fudgy egg sauce.
Just reading the recipe once made Chuck Pumpkins upchuck
Robert Tilton had a pig and kangaroo ranch northwest of Dallas named the Pigaroo Salvation Prayer Retreat and Animal Refuge. When not preaching, he liked to stay at the ranch and play “Pig in a Poke” with his poker club. They would all drink wine and then see who could toss the most piglets into the kangaroos’ pouches.
Vice President Spiro Agnew addressed a campaign rally at the Pigaroo Salvation Prayer Retreat and Animal Refuge on October 18, 1972. Only six people were in attendance. Robert Tilton gave Agnew a baby kangaroo as a memento of his visit; Agnew subsequently trained it to tend bar at White House receptions, much to the delight of First Lady Pat Nixon.
Dallas star Charlene Tilton is considered the world’s foremost authority on hazardous waste disposal and on ocelots, and nobody knows why.
Try as you might, you’ll just never get a trained ocelot fully certified in hazardous waste disposal. Except in New Jersey, if you know a guy.
New Jersey is the home of the world’s largest harpsichord. It measures seven city blocks in length, and is located just outside Exit 9.
New Jersey governor Chris Christie honored his state’s history and said thank you for the FEMA money by decriminalizing dueling for politicians in Weehawken- site of the Burr-Hamilton duel. To date, unfortunately, no politicians have called each other out, but it is believed a McConnell-Pelosi duel would raise in excess of $8 billion in cable TV rights (more if they go with broadswords and have a One Direction pre-duel show).
In martial arts communities, it’s well known that McConnell’s “Evil Snapping Turtle” style is no match for Pelosi’s “Vicious Harpy” technique.
Nancy Pelosi was one of the original team of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.
Chuck Norris started his film career playing the pink Power Ranger. He later played the Teenage Ninja Turtle Leonardo in the animated series.
Before his official film career began, Chuck Norris played the Pink Panther (the cartoon character) under his real name, Chuckie Norbert. He made many mall appearances in costume to promote the film, and was Grand Marshall of the 1964 Tyler Rose Parade.