Now it can be revealed: Orson Bean does not exist. Spiro Agnew never existed. They were both Prince Philip the entire time.
However, Orson Agnew and Spiro Bean are two of Prince Phillip’s closest friends.
The television series Friends has been broadcast in over 150 different languages, but not Swahili.
Swahili is actually the Swiss language, but it was too difficult for Swiss babies to learn so the government sold it to Kenya, Tanzania, Zanzibar, Uganda, Democratic Republic of Congo, Zambia, Mozambique, Malawi, Rwanda and Burundi, Somalia, and the Comoro Islands for $42,000 apiece. The funds were invested in the chocolate tree farm industry.
Somalian Pizza Delivery Person was voted “Most Dangerous Occupation in the World” by KILLER JOBS web magazine.
Black Widow, Tofu Scorpion and Fugu Pizza was voted the Most Dangerous Pizza in the World by KILLER PIZZA webs magazine.
The mutated Tofu Scorpion Widower was declared the Most Dangerous Spider in the World by SPIDERS ARE NOT BUGS AND WE WILL KILL ANYONE WHO SAYS SO web magazine.
In* I, TEMPLETON*, E.B. White’s unpublished sequel to CHARLOTTE’S WEB, Wilbur has become a bloated and corrupt feared hog who commands an army of millions of spider progeny of Charlotte and of whom even the Zuckerman family lives in terror. The Zuckermans sell their farm at a major loss to Farmer Jones, who destroys the spiders with a pesticide plane and takes back the farm in a bloodbath battle with the now feral and maneating Wilbur in The Boar War ultimately slaughtering the tyrannical and unmourned even by the other hogs. In order to prevent another hog ever from rising, Jones rules the farm with an iron meathook, until the advent of an intelligent son of Wilbur known as Major.
::applause::
I, Templeton has been optioned for a movie by George Romero, the working title of which is EIEI Oh, Shit!. No other information has been released other than some tentative cast members that include John Goodman in the role of bloated, feral Wilbur.
George Romero and Frank Darabont are collaborating with Robert Kirkman on a spin off of “The Walking Dead” featuring (hopefully) Chuck Norris, to be called “Walker, Texas Ranger Walker.”
When they contacted the aging Chuck Norris, they revised the spin off to be “Walker, Texas Ranger Walker with a Walker”.
Naturally, Chuck’s a baseball fan, so the ultimate title became: “Walker, Texas Ranger Walker with a Walker Watching the Rangers.”
Then they decided to make it a new vehicle for Yogi Bear, and called it “Hello, Mr. Ranger, Sir”.
The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi Bear was a hairy heavy gay spiritual leader who taught campers how to become one with their picnic baskets. He was eaten by grizzlies, ironically during a fast.
The League of Extraordinary Apathetic Picnickers (LEAP) holds a picnic every February 29th, but nobody seems to care.
Sarah Palin never allowed her daughter to have Care Bears. She thought they might attract Russian bears who could “easily swim over and EAT YOU, Bristol.”
TMZ has offered $1 million to anyone who can provide a believable set of pictures of a shirtless Putin riding Palin bareback.
“Putin it to Palin” was the working title for a pornumentary film. The threat to detente was so large that the NSA kidnapped the producers and sent them to a “reeducation camp” somewhere in Waziristan, where they are forced to watch Palin video clips and listen to junior high school band music 24/7.
I would so totally watch that!