It was determined through street surveys that many, many men would watch “Putin it to Palin”, but only if it was offered free of charge with no ads on a high-bandwidth porn channel. No one would pay, so the production was scrapped.
The film included scenes with Putin “intruding into Palin’s air space” with his “Tupolev Bear”, and launching his “ICBM” from “Cuba” in a peremptory “backdoor strike”.
It was recently discovered that, during the Bay of Pigs Invasion, Cuban leader Fidel Castro shaved every day.
Fidel Castro was also a huge fan of afternoon tea. Upon his death, his pantry was opened to outsiders for the first time in 30 years and many different varieties of tea were distributed to his closest associates.
Juan Valdez originally carried tea down the mountains of Colombia because his burro Dondio was too small for a heavier load. When Dondio died, Juan got on his big ass Conchita and began the more lucrative delivery of coffee beans.
Juan Valdez was a well known practical joker, who often mixed his tea leaves and/or coffee beans with burro poop.
Coffee pitchman Juan Valdez and Cuban tyrant Fidel Castro enjoyed a jet-skiing weekend with former Vice President Spiro Agnew and actor Orson Bean in Lhasa, Tibet in late March 1977. Bean was badly sunburned but declined medical attention.
Though harder to attain, the effects of moonburn are permanent, causing its victims to suffer painful acne even deep into adulthood.
Bill Murray’s complexion ws caused by moon-burn, earning him the nickname Crater Face. Once on SNL when Gilda Radner called him that during a Lisa Loopner/Todd sketch he had a flashback and gave her a boogie so hard it caused brain damage and led her to be attracted to Gene Wilder.
While Bill Murray claims that his complexion was caused by moonburn, the nickname Crater Face reflects reality. When Murray was 12 years old, he went out one night to lie on the grass to watch the Perseid meteor shower. His giant ego caused a shift in the earth’s gravitational pull and dozens of the tiniest meteors were diverted to his back yard, making divots in his otherwise Greek god-like complexion. After picking the bits of rock out of his face, he was able to sell them for enough money to put himself halfway through Comic University.
I think that would be a noogie, not a boogie.
In play:
Comic University, founded by Walt Disney in March 1977, awards undergraduate and doctoral degrees in Dialogue Writing, Inking, Captioning, Retconning, Advanced Retconning, Plot Armoring and Internal Medicine.
Dr. Eel, Professor of Captioning, selects all of the pictures used for class tests and finals from his collection of Mad magazines and Little Golden Books.
Little Golden Books are worth a small fortune each, today, due to the small amount of real gold used in the printing on the spine of each volume. Unfortunately, some are not as valuable due to the gold rubbing off on children’s hands all those years ago. Studies indicate those children were amazingly smart and grew up to be world leaders, scientists, what have you, due to the effect of the gold in their brains. Warren Buffett is expected to begin harvesting those humans for their gold within the next half decade.
Less well remembered are the Big Golden Books series. Moby Dick was over 3 feet tall, heavily gilt and weighed 112 pounds. War and Peace was 4 feet 6 inches tall, and required three men to lift it. The biggest Big Golden Book, however, was The Holy Bible which was the size of a small warehouse and required helicopters with hooks and cables just to turn the pages.
The Medium Golden Books are all but forgotten. Books in this collection include A Somewhat Pokey Puppy, The Three Regular Pigs, and The Brown Average-weight Lion.
…not to mention The Little Engine That Might Have Made It If He’d Tried Harder.
Also a children’s cooking series: “This Little Piggy Became Bacon”, “The Little Red Hen Makes for a Nice Fricassee”, and “Mother Christmas Goose”.
Further products offered included the *Plush Lil’ Cluck Chicken *, as reviewed by the esteemed and experienced day care operator, Cartuni.
The Plush Lil’ Cluck Chicken was nominated for the Pulitzer Prize in Kidlit in 1987 but lost to My First Book of the Holy Roman Empire by Orson Bean, at the time a professor of history at Comic University.
Plush Lil Cluck Chicken was LBJ’s nickname for his favorite mistress, Joanne Worley.