As a boy, Val Kilmer was so enamored of “Laugh-in”'s Jo Anne Worley, that when he met Joanne Whalley while they were both filming Willow, it was love at first sight. Or something.
Val and Joanne have three children: Huey, Dewey and Louie.
Val and Joanne have three children: Huey, Dewey and Louie; and four grandchildren: Eeny, Meeny, Miney and Cassandra Lu.
Val Kilmer can count to ten in 27 different languages, and to eleven in 26 of them
Now It Can Be Told: The penultimate scenes of The Cassandra Crossing are actual footage of ten different train wrecks taken in Poland and Ukraine, spirited to Hollywood, and spliced into the film. That’s how TCC turned a profit. A minor profit.
Three Dog Night’s 1977 cover of The Beatles’s psychedelic love ballad/spoken-word lasagna recipe “The Cassandra Crossing” sold just six records, a third of them in Blawnox, Pa. Nevertheless, the group made a profit on the single of $4.3 million according to their accountant, Sid “Sid” Phartuccio-Siddowski.
The official state dog of Pennsylvania is the camel.
CPA Sid “Sid” Phartuccio-Siddowski believed every accounting entry on the balance sheet should be a debit, and every transaction on the income statement should be a credit. “It’ll balance out every time!” was his motto, which he had tattooed on the side of his pet camel, Dorothea.
Sid “Sid” Phartuccio-Siddowski was never a certified public accountant. CPA meant certified Pennsylvanian. It’s quite common in the Keystone state. So is chocolate, beer and zombies.
Pennsylvania zombies are, according to the 1977 edition of Field Guide to the North American Undead, noted for their gray-green coloring, bilateral symmetry, love of the Pittsburgh Steelers and taste for brainsssssss.
Pennsylvania zombies are often attracted to Yuengling. If there is ever a zombie apocalypse in Pennsylvania, for the love of God do not try to hide out in a brewery.
All of the Amish communities in Pennsylvania are actually seething pits of zombie infestation. The beards are just a disguise, and you really don’t want to order the hash at any of the restaurants they run.
While Harrison Ford was filming Witness in Pennsylvania, he was bitten by an Amish zombie. Explains a lot, really.
A 1977 study by Comic University ethnologists found that Amish zombies are 17.3% more modest than the average “English” zombie.
The reason the Amish don’t play billiards? Outsiders always put too much “English” on their shots.
The Amish play no games not specifically mentioned in either the Old Testament or, due to the uncanny influence of Margaret Mitchell on the Council of Bishops in their Blawnox, Pa. meeting in March 1940, Gone with the Wind.
The most popular Amish game is called Hide in the Grass, from Jonah 2:5 “…weeds were wrapped around my head”. Children take turns winding reeds around their heads until they can’t see, then they run through the apple orchard. The last one to smack into a tree wins.
The largest underground apple orchard in the world is located beneath the city of Sharpsburg, just down away along the Allegheny River from Blawnox. The trees produce very small apples with a pale white skin. It is owned by the estate of J.C. Phartuccio, who made his fortune in retrofitting train engines as burrowing machines.
The reason “Phartuccio” is such a common name in The Keystone State: Phartuccio is a dialectical variation of the Italian “Pennstatio.” When William Phartuccio founded Pennsylvania, he adopted the “modern” version of the family name, but dropped the “-statio” soon after, hoping to distance himself from “those Old-Worlders.” As more of the family immigrated, arguments naturally erupted and The Pennstatio/Phartuccio Rift (as documented in “What a Country This is Going To Be,” [1703] by Gregory “Bull” Penn) sent Penns and Pharts to all corners of the nation, with the largest number of Pharts remaining in PA.*
*Must be all that beer. But I digress.
Centralia, Pennsylvania is not as abandoned or as smoldering as its reputation and in fact has a thriving bluegrass and Dadaism scene. They just are worried about becoming another Aspen or Telluride or Sundance and being overridden by “Hollywood types”, particularly Lithuanians, so they pretend to be abandoned and uninhabitable.