When Shirley Temple found out she was “in the family way,” she told Pumpkins that he had to marry her. He replied “Shirley, you can’t be serious.”
:: That line makes me laugh every. single. time. ::
The number of yearly reports of intoxicated children took a 147% jump in 1951. The reason? Shirley Temple married–for the second time–that year. Up until then, parents would order their children "Shirley Temple"s at wedding receptions and dinner parties. In '51, ST wed Charles Alden Black, and, unknown to most parents, a new drink was born; a “Shirley Temple” consists of ginger ale, a splash of grenadine and is garnished with a maraschino cherry. A “Shirley Temple (Black)” has that plus a shot of Black Velvet, a shot of Johnnie Walker Black and a shot of Jim Beam Black.
The first report of intoxicated children was filed at the Blawnox Middle School, during recess. The children were singing Ring Around the Rosie, fell into gales of laugher over “Ashes, ashes” (Haha, we said ASSES!) and none were able to get back up after falling down.
Bill W., founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, attended Blawnox Middle School. In fact, he spent more years there due to having to repeat than any other student in its history.
Just outside Blawnox town limits, in the Allegheny River, is Ninemile Island. Penn Power briefly considered building a nuclear power plant on Ninemile, but public outcry–locals felt if something went wrong, it would be three times worse than Three Mile Island–put the kibosh on it.
The country of Andorra has more nuclear power plants than chickens.
For some reason, Andorra believes it needs a sea-faring presence and is attempting to raise the Andrea Doria from the Atlantic near Nantucket. If successful, the country will slightly change its name to match the ship as it’s easier than repainting the name on the hull.
The country of Jolly Roger has a “sea presence” that consists of one wooden pirate ship docked proudly next to their waterfront badminton stadium.
A tourist trap par excellence, the country annually changes its name to Holly Roger in mid-November, Santa captains the pirate ship, and the badminton stadium is manned by very cold elves.
Vice President Spiro Agnew played Santa Claus at the White House staff Christmas party every year from 1969-73, but finally quit when Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein both simultaneously sat on his lap and tried to interview him.
“We are in the process of creating what deserves to be called the idiot culture. Not an idiot sub-culture, which every society has bubbling beneath the surface and which can provide harmless fun; but the culture itself. For the first time, the weird and the stupid and the coarse are becoming our cultural norm, even our cultural ideal.”
― Carl Bernstein penned this quote in 1973, immediately after the fore-mentioned White House Christmas party
Carl Bernstein regularly watched Here Comes Honey BooBoo, and wept.
Carl Bernstein was the inspiration for Brother in the Berenstain Bears series of children’s books. Honey (the baby) was the model for Honey BooBoo.
Thanksgiving is the traditional holiday when we give thanks, as the Pilgrims did, for the demise of Honey BooBoo, or “ye hunnye booebooe”, as it was known and reviled back in 1620. Ye hunnye booebooe was an evil spirit that lurked in local cornfields.
Jamestown celebrated Thanksgiving with a feast more than a decade before the younger Plimoth Plantation. It is known that at their 1608 feast the main courses were Brazilian and Greek, though it is unclear how the Brazilian and Greek sailors washed up on their shore.
It is a modern tradition for Brazilian and Greek sailors, upon returning to port after a long voyage, to wash up on the shore using a combination of lye soap and Tide dishwashing detergent.
People do their washing in Tide because it’s too damn cold out Tide.
(commence boo-ing)
Robert Wagner’s last words to his wife Natalie Wood were, “Do you want to shower on the boat or wash ashore?”
It’s a shore thang that ah wanna say the Army has the best, um, you know - those vehicles with the tracks instead of wheels.
“Tanks?”
“U we-come”.