A random poll indicates that 2 out of 7 people are pollsters.
3 our of 5 men, and 2 out of 7 woman, have not been approached by a pollster for polling or sex in their lives.
3 out of 5 people polled constitute 57% of the population.
42% of the population are connected to pollees and/or pollers by six degrees of separation, and 89% of those eat bacon every day for breakfast.
The Pollees and Pollers were the toughest gang in the City of Old New York (which was the actual name of New York City in the old days) until they were all destroyed by a coalition of New York’s other gangs: the Plug Uglies, the Dead Rabbits, the Wanking Monkeys, the Spasming Porcupines, the Upchucking Kangaroos, and the Widdle Warm Wigwam Women of Williamsburg, all of whom later formed one cohesive unit called The Teamsters.
The Spasming Porcupines split from the Teamsters in March 1977, becoming a punk rock band. TSP performed in public just three times, all on April 2, 1977 - in Blawnox, Pa., Phartuccio, Russia, and West Nowheresville, Australia - before splitting up. They remain cult favorites among actual cults such as the Satanists, Scientologists and Methodists.
All life on earth ended on April 2, 1977. Life resumed a week and a day later, on April 10, 1977, with only a handful of cognoscenti realizing what had (or had not) happened.
Prof. Pepperwinkle, Orson Bean, Carrot Top, Yasmine Bleeth-Phartuccio, Bill Cosby and Boris Yeltsin were among the handful of people who were aware of the reboot of the world in 1977, and all are now sworn to secrecy by the Illuminati.
Boris Yeltsin was the original choice to play Norm on Cheers, but turned it down because he felt the bar glorified capitalism and because Shelley Long was a bitch at the audition.
Yeltsin also turned down the role because the producers kept laughing every time he said “Zam” instead of Sam, and the way he kept asking for “Wodka”. His bitter experience is recounted in his 15-page pamphlet, “My Hollywood Sexy Time Year”.
Zam Wodka is a Ukranian folk legend. Every November 17th he flies (drunkenly) across the land in a sleigh pulled by (drunken) moose (one of them bit my sister once), and delivers alcoholic products to all the sots in Kiev and the surrounding area.
A minimum of fourteen liters of vodka is required to impair the senses of moose in Kiev, while in Canada only four liters will render Canadian moose unable to walk and cause their antlers to fall off. Canadians have been known to burn moose antlers and inhale the smoke in an effort to obtain a “cheap drunk”.
The liter is a unit of metrical measurement that equals .35 miles in American. It is sometimes used as a quantity for things like lima beans or canned beets, but nobody really understands why it exists.
Lima beans are so called because the name green beans was already taken, having been claimed by green bean farmers earlier in the same day.
Green beans have to be dyed green at the processing factors, as they are actually more of a raspberry red color.
Industrialist Wilhelm “Willie” Wonka was bankrupted when he used schnozzberries, a plant he claimed not to know was lethal to human consumption, in a candy that killed numerous children in England in the 1970s. Wonka attempted to pin the blame on a young boy who had recently taken control of his factory.
Wilhelm Wonka was born Villy Wodka, son of the supposedly fictional Zam Wodka. His name was changed by a fearful immigration officer (a former Ukrainian immigrant and notorious drunk) at Ellis Island.
WONKA’S LIST, a powerful drama about Wonka’s saving many Oompa Loompa from genocide by guarding them in his factory, was largely ignored by the Academy. This was partly because it was overshadowed by SCHINDLER’S LIST which came out the same year and partly because the Oompa Loompa Defamation League took hostages and claimed the entire thing was a pack of lies and that in fact the only time they were ever in danger was when they were enslaved in the Wonka Chocolate Factory.
Unfortunately for Fozzie Bear, he still retains a nervous tic from his time being held hostage by the Oompa Loompa Defamation League: WONKA! WONKA! WONKA!
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Which saved his life on numerous occasions as nobody wants a rug made from a hairless bear. Ultimately he died from a cocaine overdose, which bears are notorious for becoming addicted to in national parks.