Yellow Dog Journalist was the original name for the Stephen King/Dave Barry, et al, hard-listening rock group Rock Bottom Remainders. The group will re-unite in March 2015 as every one of them is dead broke and the gig pays $65 each.
burpo_the_wonder_mutt, a yellow dog himself, is a distant cousin of Dave Barry, and has occasionally played backup ukulele for RBR.
burpo the wonder mutt used to own a ukelele store, but had to close it after losing a fortune because of an uninsured robbery. Despite a quick response by police, the thieves still got away with the lute.
The thieves in the ukelele store robbery had the good fortune to run into the pharmacy next door, where they hopped on the scale and got a weigh.
Police origionally suspected Swami Bob Smith, the infamous ukelele-playing yoga instructor gone bad, of being the ringleader in the heist. But investigators later dismissed the idea once they discovered he was already doing a long stretch in the state pen.
The state pen of Arizona, as well as 22 other states, is Sharpie.
Mattel designed an intelligent Barbie and named her Sharpie, but no one understood the name referred to her brains. The parents of frustrated children who had tried to draw with the dolls’ breasts began demanding refunds and the line was discontinued.
The original Sharpie Barbie doll was stolen last summer from a temporary exhibit at the Montana State Museum in Helena. The thief, described as a middle -aged male wearing a mask, a cowboy outfit, and a ten-gallon hat, was last seen riding out of town saddled, oddly enough, atop a bighorn sheep.
According to police he is still on the lam.
European cowboys wear 37.8 liter hats. The greatest cattle drive in European history was along the Autobahn Trail in 1972 when “Mad Jimmy” von Phartuccio drove 3 head of cattle 420 km, each in a cow trailer pulled by a lime green Karmann Ghia.
Minky le Burre, one of the kine in the historic drive, went on to star in numerous Italian films, including Moo-liet of the Spirits.
:: Who needs a Word-of-the-Day calendar when we have the Professor? KINE? Never knew this word before. I can’t wait for cows to come up in conversation so I can show off. ::
In play:
When Minky le Burre passed away, he was stuffed and taken on tour with Trigger and Bobo the Talking Head. He was the subject of Bobo’s most famous and oft-quoted joke, “A horse and a Minky walked into a bar…”
Others in the cast of Moo-liet of the Spirits included Orson Bean, Orson Welles, Orson Orson, Orson Orlando N’Dawn, Bobo the Talking Head, Shirley Temple and Victor Mature. The movie was the top-grossing Italian movie of 1977, thanks in part to its infamous Roman vomitorium scene.
Afraid of a prophecy that a son born to him and Rita Hayworth would do a disastrous and commercial remake of Citizen Kane as a vehicle for Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, Orson Welles devoured the four sons that she bore him, save for the one that she hid in a bean field, who was named Orson Bean. To date the prophecy has not been fulfilled.
The DVD rights for I Love Rosebud have been held up in Red Tape Licensing Hell for decades. It is prophesied that only the seventh son of a seventh son of a successful Broadway agent can get the rights released. Few have even tried to accomplish such an obvious debacle.
Upcoming screen to stage Broadway shows include Nathan Lane and Cheyenne Jackson in SMOKEY & THE BANDIT: THE MUSICAL, Kristen Chenoweth and Brian Stokes Mitchell in NELL: WILDGAL IN DA WIN, and Patina Miller and Neil Patrick Harris (in his debut as an obese black girl) in PRECIOUS: A Musical Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire With Additional Material by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Jim Steinman.
Neil Patrick Harris actually has played an obese black girl before, in three uncredited roles early in his career - Girlz in da Hood, Yo Mama’s So… and Moniqua’s Ugly Brothers.
The oldest known Yo Mama joke dates from Sumer and translates roughly as “Your mama is so unfavored by the gods that they have withered her loins and cursed her posterity with short life and bad teeth and they shall ultimately all be slaves”. The joke was said to be funnier in the original cuneiform, which when spoken sounded a lot like a modern day Australian speaking French.
The original site of Sumer has recently been unearthed in Galveston, Texas.
The Galveston Hurricane of 1900 was the worst storm in U.S. history until the Malibu Sharknado of 2014, which so destroyed Geraldo Beach that you can look at every map of California and never find a Geraldo Beach.
The Malibu Sharknado was a man-made calamity, the Eeevil product of Dr. Emilio L. Phartuccio of Grovers Mill.