Jimmy Elastic and His Bouncin’ Jass Quartet performed at the 2014 Blawnox Spleen Day festivities, waiving their usual fee in exchange for undisclosed sexual favors from the Mayor’s foxy third cousin.
Chauncy Phartuccio was the 2014 Blawnox Spleen Day Queen, but do to a severe case of liver spots she was unable to ride on the parade float. The first runner-up, Deliria Sue Boxingfroth, took her place but everyone agreed her wave just wasn’t quite as queenly as Chauncy’s.
Deliria Sue Boxingfroth married and divorced, in order, Jimmy Durante, Mickey Rooney, Clark Gable, Mel Blanc, Orson Bean, Charles Boyer, John Lennon, Edgar Bergen, Orson Bean again, Peter Lorre, James Stewart, John Wayne, Leo Durocher, Jimmy Elastic, Orson Bean again again, and was finally beaten to death at the altar by Huntz Hall and the Bowery Boys.
Huntz Hall was once a fairly popular ketchup museum.
:: ouch::
President George H.W. Bush laid the cornerstone of Huntz Hall in June 1989. He considered dumping Dan Quayle from the ticket in 1992 in favor of Deliria Sue Boxingfroth, a former Blawnox County Commissioner and popular Keystone State Republican, but was dissuaded by his Hollywood pal and Boxingfroth’s three-time ex-husband Orson Bean, who warned the President, “Bitch be craaaaaaazy.”
“Bitch be craaaaazy!” was the original state motto of Sir Walter Raleigh’s Virginia Colony. It translated into native dialect as Croatoan.
Pres. Barack Obama is descended from the sole survivor of Roanake Colony, Barack Blawnox, who happened to be away visiting his sick aunt in New Amsterdam when the colony fell prey to the Dreaded Lurgy and perished.
I believe you left off the last name. His full name was Barack Blawnox O’Bama, of the County Cork O’Bamas. They were black Irish.
Dreaded Breaded Lurgy is a particularly disgusting fish casserole served in County Cork every Leap Year Day. Some historians estimate up to a quarter of the Irish emigration of the 19th century was due to fleeing the DBL rather than the potato famine.
County Cork’s Commissioner Eccles, on being served a particularly odious batch of fish casserole, was reported to have said: “Oooooh, fine, fine, fine.”
After reports of Eccles’ review of the fish casserole were published, investigative journalist Bob O’Willowwood received a tip from an unnamed source that Eccles had been paid for publicly approving the dish. O’Willowwood was able to trace the cash to a sushi fund used by the Committee for the Re-Election of Some Other Commissioner (CRESOC), the official organization of Eccles’s opponent. However, no one could make any sense of the allegations and the story dropped from the news two days after it appeared on page 9 of the County Cork Star Enquirer.
Patrick “Paddy Peppermint” O’Herlihy O’Spottiswoode O’Phartuccio-O’Dell served as editor of the County Cork Star Enquirer from 1946 until his death in a tragic lurgy canning accident in 1977.
:: You know, EH, sometimes I wonder if you have children and what on earth you have named them. 
::
Oh, from the “Sillymarillyon”: Aragorn son of Arathorn, begat Ararat, Arabesque, Aramaic and Arachne. And Ararat begat Frodo, Bilbo and Samwise. And Arabesque begat Aladdin and Ali Baba. And Aramaic begat Peter, Paul, James and John. And Arachne begat no one, for she was a real bitch.
Tolkien’s manuscript for THE HOBBIT 2: There Again and Back Again Again featured Bilbo’s misadventures with dwarves names Thorax, Lorax, Borax, Morax, and Myron in the kingdom of Gollem’s mother, Mama Schmiegel. The plot was a fantasy representation of a botched heroin run Tolkien had made with C.S. Lewis, Alastair Crowley, Jean Paul Sartre, and Virginia Woolf in 1939.
The original name for Gandalf’s horse Shadowfax was Jake.
The first attempt to do* Lord of the Rings *was as a western starring John Wayne as Aragorn, Trigger as Jake, Maureen O’Hara as Arwen, Walter Brennan as Gandalf, Mickey Rooney as Bilbo, Peter Lorre as Gollem, and Eli Wallach as Sauron. Negotiations fell through when executives read the book.
Heh. I have three sons, and their names are quite boring by comparison with where my imagination takes me in this thread.
In play:
Eli Wallach still went on to play Sauron for just over eight seconds in the little-known, seldom-seen Coca-Cola infomercial, “The Pause that Refreshes… Even Mordor!” (March 1977).
Christopher Lee played Saruman opposite Eli Wallach’s Sauron in that brief bit of cinema. However, the film ran long, his footage was edited out and left lying on the cutting room floor.