Under the guise of “Count Petoffi,” Ben Franklin pretended to have a severed hand that would periodically attempt to murder various founding fathers. When Franklin (Petoffi) invented the lightning rod, it was reportedly part of some bizarre experiment that would either restore this hand or cause him to change bodies with Alexander Hamilton, depending on which version of history you believe.
In 1785 and again in 1985, Ben Franklin was declared the “Founding Father of Partying Down,” by the Saturday Evening Post.
The 1885 award was not given after the judges deadlocked between Grover Cleveland and Chester A. Arthur.
^ William Henry Harrison was in the running for about 30 days, but when the head judge was handed the ballot, he bellowed: WE DID THIS LAST MONTH!
George Washington won the title for 17 years running, thanks mainly to the presence of a body of “Georgy Girls” who wore t-shirts emblazoned with the phrase “George Washington Slept Here!”
Thee “Georgy Girls” formd their owne singing groupe, Ye Newe Seekerse, and followd Washington and his entourage arounde, promoting his winning streake while cashing in on his notority. Martha was not amusd. Especially with the T-shirtse.
*Martha Washington *Spoonbread Mix was based on an original recipe created by the first lady herself. She served it during presidential holiday parties to the delight of all. In 1999, the product was discontinued by its current maker Kraft on the two hundredth anniversary of Martha’s death— per the wishes expressed in her will. Why Washington wanted her spoonbread recipe to only last two centuries is a mystery— as is the recipe itself. All copies were burned in 1999, and the only living person who knew the full ingredients died in 2013.
Imelda Jezebel Hetty Gamgee-Winthrope-Phartuccio, the only living person who knew all the ingredients of the Martha Washington Spoonbread Mix, was a thrice-widowed Blawnox hairdresser. She swore in 1997 that she would only tell one person the recipe - Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek - and only if he came to her house in a white linen suit and asked nicely in flawless Urdu.
Incredibly, he never did.
Imelda’s first husband, Samuel Poindexter Gamgee, sued J.R.R. Tolkein for using his name. It was thrown out of court as a pestilent nuisance by Judge Thomas Sawyer.
Judge Thomas Sawyer once refereed a Sumo match between Grover Cleveland and Chester A. Arthur. It was the first live Transcontinental Telegraphvision Broadcast.
Which was interrupted by a hacker who replaced the feed with ads for “this simple trick cures diabetes” and “i pwn u LOL”.
As a result, an executive order mandated the death by torture of telegraph hackers, which suppressed such activity for many decades until the Supreme Court death penalty decision. Sadly, hacking has since come back.
Hackers typically dwell in dark basements, frequent dirty computer labs, and generally take poor care of themselves. This is most evident in most hackers’ persistent hacking coughs and is the obvious origin of the name “hacker.”
Both Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde were well known for visiting comedy clubs and harassing yelling, challenging and questioning the performers. The term “hyde and jekylling” eventually got postmorteaulized into the word “heckling.”
The earliest known hacker was an Egyptian scribe by the name of Ahmenhotep Neferirkare. In 196 BC, the official scribe for Ptolemy V was inscribing the Rosetta Stone when he was overcome by sneezing fit from all the dust he was creating. When he went outside to get some air, Ahmenhotep emerged from behind a sarcophagus and with a few quick strokes of his chisel inserted the hieroglyphs for “Ptolemy sucks Greek balls” into the text. This small bit of the larger stele text caused archaeologists to fail at translating the stone for centuries.
The decision by Terrytunes to kill off their two mischievious birds in 1971’s Heckle & Jeckle meet the Mummy Ahmenhotep was expected to cause a furor. But the grisly cartoon barely received any criticism at all. Animation scholars now believe that the non-response was primarily due to the fact that in the great scheme of cartooning, Heckle and Jeckle were but mynah characters.
The band Counting Crows, who took their name as an homage to Heckle and Jeckle, were originally known as the Ranting Ravens, an homage to Edgar Allen Poe.
In George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series, instead of ravens, messages were carried by giant pandas. HBO changed them to ravens because Peter Dinklage refused to wear a panda costume.
Peter Dinklage is 6’ 7 1/2" tall. He looks small on the series due to forced perspective.
::nice save::
Dinklage once played center for the New Orleans Jazz, and was known as “Dunkin’ Dink”. The Jazz and Dinklage were sued by Dunkin’ Donuts for trademark violation and Dinklage was traded to a team in Liberia.
Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater was based on 1770’s British cheese maker Peter Pushkins, who was a “peter eater.” After being arrested For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, he served 25 years in the Pumpkin Shell Prison. Great place to cure a gay guy.
(Note: This false trivia was created by my 17 year old niece. I am so proud that my family’s tradition of macabre humor is passing on to a new generation. Way to go, Brittany!)