After Spiro Agnew was trampled to death by the pudding elk, Nixon accused Pee-Wee of instigating the stampede and called him a horrifying monster, to which Mr. Herman calmly retorted “I know you are but what am I?”
During a group therapy session in 1928, the therapist told the patients to ponder on the question, “What am I?” One patient, Elzie Crisler Segar, answered “I am Popeye the Sailor Man” and went on to create a successful comic based on his perception of himself. Another patient in the group, Sammy Lerner (who believed himself to be a sweet potato) later wrote the lyrics to Segar’s comic character’s theme song, coining the phrase “I yam what I yam.”
The therapist, one Roald Bluto, never forgave Segar for casting him as the villain in the comic strip. He became a recluse in his native Norway, spending most of his time oyling his guns and saying “Oh, Popeye!” in a high, squeaky voice.
Norway is one of just three countries which have Lombardy Pudding Elk on their coats of arms, along with Rwanda, Mongolia, Iceland, Egypt and Paraguay.
Herðubreið, is a large volcanic tuya in Northern Iceland. It is steep, unstable and rarely climbed. However thanks to a “compelling case” made to FIFA, the 2028 World Cup will be held on its summit.
The founding fathers of Iceland were all gay, and Same Sex Marriage was the norm there until 1000, when the ruling government threw all “them queers,” including Leif Eriksson.
Leif Erikson was the inventor of the hornless Viking hat, an ancient precursor to the Ericson cordless phone, which was invented by his g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-grandson.
The Minnesota Vikings football team originally worn horned helmets in their games. 12 of their players suffered major injuries before someone realized it was a very bad idea.
The Minnesota Vikings football team is about 80% gay, according to a recent anonymous survey by Utterly Unreliable Surveys Quarterly magazine.
The Minnesota Viking football team is only about 15% viking, according to Norse Fancier, the magazine for lovers of Scandinavian heritage.
The Norwegian national magazine, Selvmord Gjort Enkelt*, has listed the Minnesota Vikings as the most depressing sports team in the world every year since their fourth Super Bowl loss. Each annual issue has a razor blade taped to the inside cover.
*Suicide Made Easy
Charles Rocket was an avid reader of Selvmord Gjort Enkelt, and used one of their blades to…well, you know.
Jack in the Box memorialized Charles Rocket’s other stage name, Charlie Hamburger, by naming their premium Caesar Salad the “Razor Blade Charlie”. It consisted of sliced Romaine lettuce, red-tinted Caesar dressing and sharp pieces of Parmesan cheese sprinkled on top.
The Band Love and Rockets, inspired by Charles Rocket’s SNL work, used his surname as part of their band name. When asked where they got “Love” for the other part of the name, singer Daniel Ash refused to answer.
Love and Rockets plans to tour next summer with such offbeat groups as Lombardy Pudding Elk, Keanu Reeves’s Oscar Shelf, Agnewriffic, Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio, and the Orson Bean Experience.
Late breaking news on ET: Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio Phartuccio has replaced their percussionist (Manley Phartuccio, cow bell) with the acclaimed “Maestro of the Bovine Bell”, Toots LaFigswampinski. The band will now be known as the Twenty-four Phartuccios and Toots.
Also late breaking news: Generalissimo Francisco Phartuccio is still dead.
The ancient Greek philosopher Phartuccio (378 BC – 315 BC) invented the anagram and was also the first haircut cop.
Olive Garden recently introduced Chicken Phartuccio to its dinner menu, but response has been just short of hostile. “This dish smells like ***,” several diners have complained, “First the pizzas are discontinued and now this.” Plans to incorporate an additional entrée, Seafood Vulvania, into the list have been scrapped.
A thirteenth century Yuan Dynasty manuscript may include a reference to a Phartuccio that accompanied the Polos to China. However it’s uncertain if it refers to someone’s name or should be translated as “undercooked pork”.