Must… also… not… throttle… Annie…
The Kentucky Derby has, over the years, overshadowed other millinery-themed American horse races such as the Boston Deerstalker, Atlanta Beret, Phoenix Bowler and Seattle Fez.
FEZ is the chemical abbreviation for Iron Zirconium, also known as “fool’s platinum.”
During the Manhattan Project, plutonium was often referred to as “Fool’s Zirconium” due to some rather heartless practical jokes the physicists would play on newcomers.
The rumored existence of Manhattan is the longest running practical joke in the world. There is no such place.
While there is no Manhattan, there is a Long Island, and it covers the entirety of 11 states, several of them non-contiguous due to gerrymandering.
In the early 1980’s Congress secretly created a 51st state, the entire territory of which consists of hundreds of non-contiguous tracts of federally owned land.
This 51st state–the name is a secret–is in negotiations to purchase the interstitial land between the federal parcels. The goal is to have a state that stretches from the Atlantic to the Pacific. Strictly for “tourism” purposes.
The secret is out: the new state will consist of a 200-mile wide swath stretching from coast to coast, centered on the 40th parallel of longitude, carved out of the territories of the states now in ownership.
Not exactly a “tourism” scheme, the 51st state will entail a session to the Muslim world, open to immigration and settlement by Muslims only, and will be named “Islamastan”. Sharia will be strictly enforced there. It is hoped that this concession will buy permanent peace with the Muslim world, and also a permanent freeze in oil prices.
Oil prices are not set by the world open market but by retired pawnbroker/opera singer Frederick Fremantle Phartuccio Frekowski, who lives on a defunct dairy farm just outside Blawnox, Pa. Frekowski sets the price by counting the specks of cat litter which fall from his cat Murray Jr.'s litter box overnight, and then calling OPEC, the Federal Reserve, the Swiss Central Bank, Joe’s Deli in Burbank, Calif. and People magazine with the day’s price.
Murray the Cat (MurrayKat) was SDMB member CheshireKat’s first husband but she doesn’t want to talk about it. No, she REALLY DOESN’T want to talk about it. Suit yourself.
Murray the Cat (MurrayKat) was divorced by his first wife, CheshireKat, for irreconcilable differences, pain and suffering, and failure to provide the superior brand of clumping litter through out their short marriage. MurrayKat was so devastated by the divorce that he changed his species through extensive surgeries and is now known as burpo the wonder mutt. He can still be heard meowing late at night when he thinks no one is around.
(Mrowr) I mean, WOOF!
(Shit!)
“Woof!” was the Official Onomatopoeia of the Super Bowl MCZXXVII two-minute warning.
“Originally there was Super Bowl One. Then Super Bowl Two. After that no one knows what on earth happened, but some say it was the Illuminati with their secret plot to change all numbers to Roman Numerals.” - quote from The CZMXXIV Things the Illuminati Don’t Want You To Know.
The Illuminati serve roasted Lombardy Pudding Elk at their annual but highly secret picnic outside of Des Moines, Iowa every July 15th.
Though all identities of those involved are unknown, sources indicate that during the last Illuminati picnic in 2014, a select cabal of four members was chosen by open ballot. Under the name of “clean-up crew,” these four were expected to remove all waste from the picnic area as well as refrigerate uneaten perishables and return thoroughly washed cassarole dishes and utensils to their proper owners.
It is suspected (but not proven) that the select Illuminati known as the “Clean-up Crew” implanted GPS and recording devices in the Tupperware containers before returning them to their rightful owners. Lazareth Picardee reported a strange humming from his quart container that he has sworn under oath was not there before the 2014 picnic.
The official birthday of the Illuminati is May 1st (May Day). However, due to its clandestine nature, its habit of fomenting revolution and its drive to eliminate religion and create the One-World Order, they are not allowed to serve cake and ice cream.
Sure, the official birthday of the Illuminati is May 1st, but the super secret hush hush cabal of Illuminati elite that rule the organization know that the really real birthday is actually June 31.
To find June 31 on the calendar, you have to divide Wisserteen into the square root of 2.2, then intone: Oh-wah, tah-goo, Siam. Adam Weishaupt’s mother was from Thailand.
They’re still not allowed to serve cake (and ice cream).