In 2007, on the 150th anniversary of his birth, scholars and historians gathered at the Taft Presidential Library in Cincinnati, Ohio to review and discuss the many letters of William Howard Taft. After three days of seminars and speeches, the results yielded three As, one D, an F, an H, two of both I and L, an M, an O, an R, two Ts and a pair of Ws.
The Taft family (like myself) is descended from Anne Lucy Howard, one of the first families of Massachusetts. One of the major genetic defects of the Howards is they are the first family to be missing the gene that gives people a sense of direction. We simply lack it.
A branch of the family was looking for a nice picnic spot they had been told about that was right outside of Boston. When they failed to find it, they kept walking till they got to what is now Ohio. And could never find their way back.
Ohio’s state theme is Family. The whole Mormon idea of the importance of a large family stems from Brigham Young’s childhood in Dayton. They named Youngstown after him, and it was only Brigham’s mania for salt water in vast quantities that moved him out to Utah. That, and the irate fathers of some of his wives.
The Great Salt Lake in Utah is not a lake at all. It is a tarn.
The Great Salt Lake was created by another branch of the Howard family, finally giving in, sitting down and crying because they could not find their way back to Boston. Their tears formed the tarn.
Great Salt Lake was briefly named Lake Thefuckahwee, after an inadvertent exclamation blurted out by Young’s favorite wife, who he affectionately called #17.
Lake Erie is considered the spookiest of the Great Lakes, according to a 2011 study by a team of University of Michigan paranormal limnologists.
Lake Erie is the site of more deaths of people named Tim than any other body of water in the world, according to a study by a squad of University of Texas sorta normal Timnologists.
The Ojibwe name for Lake Erie is Gitchie-gitchie-goo, named so because it tickled them.
The Ojibwe, sadly, died out halfway through the 19th century. The few remaining tribesmen (and -women) regrouped after The Great Depression as the “Kwyjibo,” not realizing the meaning of the word is, A big, dumb, balding North American ape with no chin and a short temper.
Orson Bean was not once described as a big, dumb, balding North American with no chin and a short temper although he was often called baboon butt (affectionately) by his first wife.
Originally, the pied piper was from Babylon and learned there how to play the piccolo with the most penetrating sounds. Henry VIII teleported to Hamlin to hear Pied Piper Akbar X play. Henry brought with him five of his cherished mistresses who succored him in between the difficult marriages. The mistresses and those wayward urban rats danced in the streets to the tunes of Akbar X’s wonderful piccolo.
The first wife of the pied piper left him for an actually paid piper.
Paid Piper was much more popular than his brother Peter because Paid refused to peck a pack of heckled preppers at the Survivalist Comedy Club. Peter was all over their asses, and got thrown out before the second act.
After Peter Piper’s comedy career went into the toilet, he began a second career as Peter Piper’s Piping Professional Plumbing Poopers.
The word “toilet” is derived from the word “toil”.
It originally signified the efforts of those so badly constipated that their efforts might properly be considered a form of toil of such duration that a seat to rest on was required to avoid exhaustion and collapse before evacuation could be completed.
WOW, are you THE Nelson Pike, famous leader of the Peetering Piker Pipping Semi-Professional Plumping Pumpkin Parade Packers? Didn’t your sister Sophie sell sequined seashells south of the Jersey shore?
No relation to that Pike.
You appear to know enough about him to write a book. Pooping pikers perching perplexed on the potty must be one of your favorite subjects.
As for some other sap’s sister Sophie I surmise she sold you something of sexual squalor rather than shells when you last sashayed shore-side.
Selling shells by the seashore is generally not a good way to make a profit, according to * Ocean Business Weekly*. Many people can pick up shells for free and therefore choose not to buy them from a retailer who has more than likely simply done the same.
Ocean Business Weekly’s biggest-selling issue was in February 2004, when Orson Bean appeared on the cover. In a 17-page interview, Bean discussed his thriving sunscreen sales operation in Blawnox-by-the-Sea, N.J.