Most scholars believe that had Icarus used sunscreen things would have turned out better.
Icarus’s Sunscreen was a punk band popular among Blawnox-by-the-Sea teens in 1982-88. Their best-known songs (which were still quite obscure) included “White Noses, Red Shoulders,” “Please Bend Over, Shelly (So I Can Look Down Your Bikini Top)” and “Salt Water Up My Nose.”
“Salt Water Up My Nose” was the featured song used by the young pole dancer known as Salt Water Taffy LaRue, who later became famous (under a second stage name) as the actress Uma Thurman.
Uma Thurman’s twin sister Uta Hagen became the butt of many jokes after she divorced her first husband Jimmy Dazs “because of his loopy ice cream fetish”. Dazs was unable to get the rights to his ex-wife’s last name, so changed the spelling to ‘Haagen’, hoping she wouldn’t notice.
Häagen-Dazs is Danish for Expensive Air; German for A Half Pint?; Swiss/Austrian for Try Again; Swedish, Norwegian and Finnish for You’re Kidding! and Icelandic for Hot Cocoa.
The two dots over the first ‘a’ in Haagen are named after Uma Thurman’s great-great-great-grand uncle Umlaut Hagen-Thurman, and first appeared in Beowulf. Umlaut really wanted three dots, but was overruled by the Olde Writers’ Guilde of Sussex-on-Orabout, England.
When Mario Puzo was writing the “The Godfather,” the name of the Corleone family lawyer was Tom Häagen. Until the ice cream people found out. Lawsuits ensued.
The lawsuit was settled when Coppola agreed to let Haagen-Dasz name a new half-melted ice cream with caramels: Semi-Fredo, I Know It Has Chew.
Despite being a brilliant film director, Francis Ford Coppola cannot understand why the neighborhood grocery store quit stocking his favorite kind of cereal, which he believes was popular because most times when he shopped there were only a few boxes on the shelf, but plenty of the other varieties.
It is not well known but Francis Ford Coppola changed his name when he went to Hollywood. His actual birth name is Francis Ford Gunturret.
Francis Ford Gunturret was known in his fraternity, Phi Kappa Goombah, as “Tank”.
Guards! Guards!
The M413 “Richard” Simmons main battle tank project was cancelled by the U.S. Army in 2003 after extensive testing proved that styrofoam armor, tin treads and hot-pink camouflage paint were singularly unsuitable for the modern battlefield.
Styrofoam armor was provided to all contestants at the World Championship Nerf Paintball Combined Biathanylon Finals, thanks to a grant by the Wallace Hume Carothers Foundation.
Styrofoam armor was originally developed at the Aberdeen Proving Grounds during Gulf War I. It has never been incorporated into the final design of any U.S. military tracked or wheeled vehicles because, according to a top Pentagon R&D official who spoke on deep background, “It’s incredibly silly and pointless.”
R&D scientists operating inside the Pentagon are currently working on an illegal eavesdropping device powered by onions, according to classified information released by Wikileeks.
One of the scientists working on the onion project was former actress Ali M. McGraw.
Ali McGraw is rumored to be transitioning into Bruce Jenner now that there is a vacancy.
Transforming into Jenner is only a practice run for McGraw. When she gets it right, she is going to go for Steve McQueen. “I miss him so much,” she has stated.
Renowned Hollywood action star Steve McQueen spent many happy hours milking the sows of his private herd of Lombardy Pudding Elk on his vast ranch in Montana, according to his unofficial biographer, Orson Bean.
Steve McQueen also holds the world’s record for spending the longest time toiling on the toilet. The incident occurred when he noticed his Lombardy Pudding Elk enjoying nibbling on the rare beanus orsonati he had growing on his vast Montana ranch. He proceeded to eat 1,742 of the beans, not realizing they would make a human extremely sick, and have to be eliminated one by one by the digestive system. To while away the time, he smoked some killer weed he also had growing on the ranch.
92 hours later, his then wife Ali McGraw came up with the expression “Shit or get off the pot.”