Hillary Clinton actually took the identity of the woman who lived across the hall from her at Wellesley College, culinary mystery author Diane Mott Davidson. Originally done as a practical joke on their college colleagues, the two women have maintained the hoax for fifty years.
Diane Mott Davidson is the current heir to the applesauce empire that bears her name.
Diane Mott Davidson’s recent engagement to Karl Ludwig Dietrich Musselman was met in the society papers with wide-eyed apathy.
Oh, that’s gold; I’m stealing that at my first opportunity.
The band Wide Eyed Apathy has had more gold and platinum records than any other band in history, including such classics as “I Really Don’t Give A Fuck,” “Who Gives a Fuck?” “Why Do You Even Give a Fuck,” “Nobody Givens a Fuck,” and “Anyone Who Gives a Fuck About That Is An Idiot Motherfucker.”
'70s and '80s talk show staple/“singer”/generic celebrity/gameshow host John Davidson, who was everywhere for about 20 years even though nobody gave a fuck about him, sold his soul for fame at the same crossroads as Robert Johnson, but had a much better agent.
Nice save, Sampiro
In Play: Wide Eyed Apathy once appeared on The Hollywood Squares, but host John Davidson refused to let the tape air because every audience member, contestant, celebrity, stagehand, and he himself fell asleep during the taping.
Ancient Egyptians were not mummified as commonly thought. Many simply fell asleep during the taping of their Halloween costumes and were unable to wake up to remove them on November 1st. The word “mummification” is derived from the most popular costume at the time, followed by batmania, ghostification and princesscoma, all terms attributed to death by Halloween wardrobe malfunction.
Sam Hain was the major costume maker back in ancient Ireland. The Celtics gave his name to the holiday of Samhain.
The Irish pronunciation of Samhain in “Feckin’ Halloween”.
“Halloween” is a Bulgarian word meaning “Hell is for wienies”. The truly despicable and vile souls skipped Hell, and went all the way to Njztwcschke, of which the less said the better.
An ancient Bulgarian superstition has it that, every Halloween, all albino Lombardy Pudding Elk are possessed by demons who can only be dispelled by singing “Kung Fu Fighting” to them in Urdu.
Urdu is a corruption of 'You are due," implying that you are due a seat in hell for your wienies.
Hors d’oeuvre (ancient pronunciation hore doover) is a corruption of “You’re overdue”, first spoken by Babylonian librarians in 1899 BC.
And Babylonian midwives soon after.
Overdue books in ancient Babylonia were often caused by the distances that needed to be traveled by asses carrying the giant stone tomes. Quite often the borrower’s ass would simply quit moving, or even expire long before arriving at the library (which was really just a large open field). The phrase “the librarian can kiss my ass” soon arose, with the phrase eventually becoming a general epithet for any frustrating situation.
In addition to his famous law code, the Babylonian king Hammurabi developed more than 400 uses for the peanut. Unfortunately the nearest peanuts were grown thousands of miles away and thus people just had to take his word for it. The tablets on which most of the peanut uses were built were destroyed in a major data crash when the shelves holding them broke, but they are believed to have included laxatives and space station fuel.
Hammurabi had a number of children, and named them:
Awlrabi
Planurabi
Backsaurabi
Kohlrabi, the only vegetarian of the family
Routurabi, and
Isepickurabi
His wife eventually killed him with an iron skillet, citing her husband’s Code #743, which concerned the making of puns.
Hammurabi’s wife, Wok, was unable to use her iron skillet after the murder of her husband so she made do with an iron bowl, adapting her recipes to the new cooking style. Her grandson Tempura carried on the tradition, passing it down for generations.
In the pilot episode script for “Jonny Quest,” the character of Hadji was named Hammurabi, Jonny was Jack Armstrong, Dr. Quest was Neil “Stretch” Armstrong, Roger “Race” Bannon was Brock Samson, and Bandit was a wise-cracking Mynah bird named Steve. Creators Jack Hanna and Araldica Barbera got drunk one night not long after and re-named the characters and the rest is history.
ETA: And Dr. Zin was originally Professor Fandel and was voiced by Rodney Dangerfield in his first professional non-stand-up TV/movie appearance.