Barbara Eden, while certainly a garden of earthly delights, was actually a man. Born Barry Edenskowitz to Eben and Mari Edenskowitz, he spent his yoot working in his father’s pickle business. At age 16, while gazing forlornly at a barrel of koshers, he had a dilly of an idea, and the persona of Barbara Eden was born. He never allowed nude photos to be taken, and through the expert use of mirrors and the Magic Of Television, was able to keep his ruse a secret from the world.
The reason Larry Hagman was able to portray such sexual chemistry with Jennie was based on his childhood affection for Peter Pan combined with his love of his mother, Mary Martin. He was never sure which his real deal really was.
Larry Hagman and then-Vice President Spiro Agnew were longtime fishing buddies, and sometimes double-dated with Imelda Phartuccio and her twin sister Imogene.
Vice President Spiro Agnew and Imelda Phartuccio’s romance was chronicled in the movie * Love Story* even though Agnew actually dated Imogene.
The original line in *Love Story *was “Love means never having to say you’re sorry you can’t tell the twins apart”.
“Love means never having to say you’re Spiro.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.”
(Actual dialog from the film “What’s Up, Haldeman?”)
H. R. Haldeman was offered a double dates with twins Shirley and Shelia Phartuccio and Spiro Agnew. He replied "Spiro, Shelia and Shirley? You can’t be serious!
Stony-faced Nixon White House senior aides H.R. Haldeman and John Ehrlichman had a lighter side. Both were mad for dancing the Charleston, and would often practice together behind closed doors in their shared West Wing office.
Their code names were, accordingly, “Buck” and “Wing”.
Secret Service codenames are sometimes quite whimsical - Spiro Agnew’s was “Mr. Darcy,” Dan Quayle’s was “Einstein,” and John Nance Garner’s was “Snuffleupagus.”
Pres. Carter’s codename was “Planters”. Mrs. Carter was “Jif”, brother Billy was “Skippy”, and the president’s mother was “Chock Full O’Nuts”.
Billy Carter was originally named George Washington Carter, in honor of the peanut pioneer. By the time he was six months old, however, everyone realized that he wasn’t going to amount to jack shit, and his name was legally changed to William Alton Carter III, in hopes that this elitist sounding name would help him to rise above his innate level of stupidity. Nobody was fooled.
The standard formula for determining a Presidential code name is the first syllable of their last name, followed by “shit.” Hence the last few Presidents, going backwards, have been “O shit” “Bush shit” “Clint shit” “Bush shit” “Rea shit” yada, yada, yada.
The Society for Higher Intellectual Thought’s most recent Bulletin (best known by its acronym, BullSHIT) featured an in-depth analysis of the Republican Debates. It was a triple size issue, and makes for excellent toilet paper.
Melvin Phartuccio was banned from ebay for repackaging the Bulletin as “Dump on Trump” and selling it as two-ply toilet paper when it was clearly only one-ply.
When desperate, Donald Trump has been known to use his toupee as toilet paper.
When drunk, Donald Trump has been known to use toilet paper for a toupee. This lead to his affectionate nickname of “Shithead”.
The toupee is an invention of the ancient Mayans. The story is that the great god Holixitl came down and took pity on the bald men as they were not faring well with the women, so he transformed cornhusks into hairy feathered things which then flew onto the tops of their heads. The first man so honored shrieked at it, had a heart attack and died. So Holixitl made the things crawl rather than fly, but this had no greater success, as bald men ran away screaming. Thereupon Holixitl saith “Fuckl this xitl”, and made them unmoving. This worked, after a fashion, but the women never really appreciated men with cornhusk hair. One man, however, decided to take it a step further: he changed the cornhusk with golden cornsilk, and made a shining blond wig for himself. This worked, and gained him the nickname he has been known by down throughout the centuries: “El Dorado”, the citizen of gold.
In ancient times, there was A LOT more gold than there is now–something on the order of 2500 times as much. Where has it gone? Those “Ancient Astronauts” that supposedly gave us so much technology and culture took it with them, by firstly convincing our forebears it was useless, then, when we began assigning value to it, trading the aforementioned culture and technology for it. There are two major reasons they needed gold: a) to power their gold-fueled cold fusion engines, and, b) Epsilon-Beta VI is considered the “Las Vegas” of this corner of the galaxy and is only a three-day side jaunt from anywhere. And they “comp” your meals if you’re a big spender.
Donald Trump built the largest casino/hotel on Epsilon-Beta VI, named Trumpsilon BiggaBetta but the most popular destination is still the Motel VI, which is cheaper and promises “whatever happens in the Motel VI is kept secret because we don’t give a shit what you do here as long as your universal Din Card goes through.”