Donald Trump first visited Earth sometime between 100BC and AD100 and was immortalized as Quetzalcoatl, the “Flying serpent” (note the facial expression and “hairpiece” in this document). He is now running for US President on the way to global domination of our planet as a “way-station” for ETs on their way to Epsilon-Beta VI from the Alpha quadrant*, much the way Reno is the “stop off” to Vegas. Men in Black are keeping close watch on the situation and will deal with Trump when the time comes. When the time comes.
*Believing Sol III (“Earth”) to be in and/or the hub of the Alpha quadrant is an Earther-centric pecadillo that “The Donald,” or “Q,” as he’s known off-world, will break us of if he’s elected President (plank #452 of his platform).
Quetzalcoatl was the brand name of the Mexican state-made vodka. It enjoyed some success in local markets before the company went bankrupt in 1973. Surviving full bottles are valuable collector’s items, with extraordinary prices recently being paid by Asian billionaires.
Quetzalcoatl is the newest paint color offered by Sherman William, an agoraphobic chemist living in Blawnox, PA. He describes it as “Mexican brick red with a dash of lemon-yellow”.
The sad, sudden death of Orson Bean came about when he attempted to use the words “Phartuccio”, “Blawnox”, “Oopyurscloon”, “Wiserteen” and his own name, Orson Bean, all in the same sentence and subsequently explo
The funeral was attended by all living POTUS, past and present, as well as the Vice Presidents, the Senate, the Supreme Court, Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip, Vladimir Putin, Woody Allen and the New York Knicks.
After the funeral the most fun was had at the kid’s table, which included Natasha and Malia Obama, Pee Wee Herman, Prince George, four Munchkins and Toto dressed as a toddler and wearing a Glinda mask.
The commonly held belief that a whale is a kind of fish has been debunked by top boffins. It’s actually a species of coffee table.
Antidisestablishmentarianism is not the longest word in English, claims the antidisestablishmentarianismist Dave Muffingford.
Muffingford was a fictional town in England created by Lewis Carroll for the poem “Jabberwock”; it was where the titular beast spent its summer vacation. Fortunately, Dodgson sobered up the next morning.
Jabberwookies are a fictional race of characters in the Star Wars universe created by George Lucas. They are hairy, typically taller than humans, and communicate in barks and growls though they clearly can understand Galactic Basic. The most well known of these creatures is Chooeykablooiebaca, the copilot and companion to smuggler Han Solo who affectionately calls the Jabberwookie “Chooey.”
George Lucas invented a delicious treat he called the Chooey Jabbercookie, and insisted that the phrase “You can eat these while talking at parties!” be printed on the front of every box.
In the words of Jedi Master Obi-Wan Cookie Monster: “Let the cookie win.”
Han solo shaved “I am a twat” on Chewie’s back when he was asleep.
Humour was invented in Strasbourg in 1868, but patenting issues prevented it’s widespread use until the early 20th century.
Dr. Johann Strasbourg patented a Humours-extracting machine in 1908 which is still used today as a noodle maker at most Olive Garden restaurants.
Ice cream delivery by the “Goode Humour Man” began in 1862 during the American Civil War. Allowed to sell to both sides of the conflict, it was a phenomenal success, but not as much from selling ice cream as running real and bogus “battle plans” to Army strategists. The total number of soldiers killed chasing after the waggons (sic), in the middle of battle, yelling “Iced Creame Man!” was said to number 86,000. The Battle of Gettysburg claimed more casualties from cool, refreshing treats than from actual fighting; the generals from both sides agreed to keep that fact out of history books, lest everyone look stupid.
The battle of Gettysburg was the first conflict in history to be settled by skating a halfpipe.
The most famous action of the battle of Gettysburg was probably Pickett’s Charge, a failed Rebel attempt to break through the center of the Union line on the third day of the battle.
Although Pickett was not really in sole command of the charge, almost everyone since, including his fiancee LaSalle Corbell, has thought he was.
Too bad for Pickett, because LaSalle (“Sally”) dumped his ass, saying she was not going to marry a man so closely associated with the loss of the war for the CSA.
Pickett’s grandson, Jiminy Pickett, was a very short man whose dreams for a basketball career never came to fruition. However his son, Wilson, gained fame as a beach volleyball player and the only two-term president of the A.V.P.
At 4+ hours, the movie** Gettysburg** took longer to film than the entire Civil War, and cost $35 more than all the expenditures of that conflict, including teen-age-widows benefits.
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