Obscure Gumball B-side, Gettysburg, was based on a Papuan marriage song which Don Fleming learned while on his anthropology course at NYU.
Papuan marriage songs are traditionally sung backwards for good luck.
Naupap sex songs are traditionally sung forwards for a good fuck.
Naupap sex came into fashion with the invention of naugahyde in 1936 by Hyde Pierce Pumpkins, who resided in the Borough of Naugaphuck, Connecticut.
Hyde Pierce Pumpkins, who resided in the Borough of Naugaphuck, Connecticut, was an OB/GYN who created naugahyde when his patients complained about the uncomfortable fabric on his examining table. He also created the naupap smear test.
To stem an outbreak of myxamotosis, Naugaphuck resident Hyde Pierce Pumpkins borrowed a barrow to fill a burrow in his borough.
Myxamatosis can only be cured by getting the virus to say its name backwards.
The rabbit has the vestiges of a ‘third ear’ gland, thought to be the remnant of a sense organ that fell into disuse after the dinosaurs where wiped out. Current debate centres on whether the third ear gland is still biologically active.
Guru Mishamasho Bugs was rumored to possess a rare third ear gland that often interfered with the speech patterns of those around him.
Back to the game:
Third Ear Gland is going to be the name of the new band that I’m forming just so I can call it Third Ear Gland.
Glandular disorders have long been blamed for a variety of physical traits, including President Taft’s enormous girth, Lincoln’s inability to grow a decent beard, Katherine Hepburn’s accent, Leno’s chin, Sarah Palin’s stupidity, and most recently, Trump’s hair.
Trump’s hair poops cubes.
Donald Trump’s hair once worked in port security sniffing out illicit substances on cargo ships.
Trump’s hair was made in Mexico.
The largest badger ever found was caught by a fisherman in Mexico in 1898. El Tejon de Durango was said to be of the size and strength of a small pony. However flooding and the collapse of several bridges delayed the arrival of the government official sent to assess the facts of the badger situation, and it escaped it’s pen before it could be officially measured and weighed. A statue of El Tejon de Durango erected outside the post office was, ironically, washed away in flooding exactly 45 years later.
The object we now see perched atop Donald Trump’s head is, in fact, the sixth such thing he has owned and worn since moving to New York City in June 1977. It is a bespoke toupee made by a secretive Latvian wigmakers’ sect from a blend of badger, Lombardy Pudding Elk, capybara and Venezuelan beaver fur.
Trump’s toupee is held in place with a combination of two-part epoxy, hide glue, Titebond III, Liquid Nail, Gorilla Glue, 35 Swingline staples, and a generous number of shots from a nail gun. The color is applied by a special facility that is part of the Mercedes plant. It involves a 12 step application, using the latest in powder paint technology. The color’s unofficial name is Troll #7.
Trained Venezuelan beavers can be found dancing in sailor’s dive bars in Caracas.
Venezuelan beaver cheese is featured in the finest cheese shops in Great Britain, the United States, Tibet, Monaco, Grand Fenwick and Botswana, but curiously, due to a complicated tariff provision and despite fervent lobbying by the Associacion de Beaver Leche y Queso Wranglerios Venezuelianos, not in Venezuela itself.
Botswana’s High and Exalted Minister of Tourism, Orson Bean, has called for the creation of a Five-Star combination ski resort and safari grounds. He is in negotiations with Canada’s zoos to import a large number of polar bears. And penguins.