Polar bears and penguins have been known to mate, creating polpens, which traditionally have a five star fur/feather motif on their crotch.
The crotch beetle was thought to be extinct until a specimen was discovered in a Beverly Hills brothel. A breeding program has been initiated which so far is showing promising results.
The crotch beetle was the Official National Scarab during the reign of Pharaoh Ut-Totes Magotes.
Michael Jackson had the most extensive collection of crotch beetles, including a rare breeding pair of gloved glitteratus sequinceum and a dwarf crotch beetle that could play the castanets. The latter was purchased from the Olde Blawnox Flea Circus when it shut down in 1992.
Among the band’s groupies, Paul was known as the Crotch Beatle. After his acrimonious divorce from Heather Mills, she disparagingly called him the Crotchety Beatle. Paul’s latest wife doesn’t have a nickname for him because she can’t think of another play on Crotch, a failing she shares with a certain SDMB poster.
With a name like McCarthy, he was also frequently referred to as the Scotch Beatle.
Contrary to unpopular belief, Paul McCartney did not change his name to McCarthy. “He did think of changing it to Marx when he began writing songs with John,” a spokesman for the veteran popster said, “but the music publisher wouldn’t hear of it.”
Said publisher claimed he was concerned about the public associating the already controversial musicians with the father of dialectical materialism. It was, after all, the Cold War. When Paul explained it was actually an homage to forgotten Marx Brother Gummo, the publisher stood his ground. He disapproved of Jews in general.
Gummo Marx is Orson Bean’s sixth cousin twice removed. The two never met, although they are believed by noted Marx Brothers biographer Emil Sturtevant Grosvenor Nicolette Lombardy “Tango” Phartuccio to have shared a United Airlines flight out of LaGuardia in June 1977.
When Elvis dies in 1977 he left $2,500,000 to a Japanese grandmother he never met.
Everybody has an aged relative they have never met. But they only exist in potential - according to the theory of Quantum Relativity.
If you were ever actually meet your aged relative you have never met, their wave-function would collapse into one of 2 stable states - either a bachelor uncle who only tells good jokes and has interesting anecdotes about his travels, or a grandmother who is a terrible cook and hates children.
It is believed that only 2 actual people in the entire universe represent all the ‘aged relatives that have never been met’. However, scientists cannot be sure - because no one has actually met them.
Hyde Pierce Pumpkins met someone who claimed to be the son of the ancient relatives he never met, two astronomers who named him after the brightest star in the night sky. However, the man was a transsexual who was undergoing a sex change and had already chosen a new name. When Pumpkins heard all this information, he replied “Sirius, you can’t be Shirley.”
The American Kennel Club officially declared in February 1977 that Sirius, the Dog Star, was of the Agnew Toy Poodle breed.
On July 4 1976 a panel of US historians announced their selection of Spiro T. Agnew as the greatest Vice President in the country’s first 200 years.
Use of LSD by US historians and British theologians peaked on July 4, 1976, leading to the tedious rewrite of tens of official proclamations and other announcements, declarations and tabloid interviews given by these two groups.
The Right Rev. Humboldt P. Phartucchio, ensignor of the Mt. St. Lombardy Elk Fitzhugh-Gibbons Temple of Absolution and Party Supplies, passed away on July 4, 1976. He was delivering a busful of teenage girls to an overnight slumber party for one of his Senior Deacons, swerved to avoid a rogue Roman candle, and ended up upside down in a ditch with his “Jesus Wants Be For A Sunbeam” dashboard figurine impaled deeply in his left nostril. Death was nigh instantaneous. The girls got out and flagged down a passing motorist, who had a hook for his right hand…
The main worship space of the Mt. St. Lombardy Elk Fitzhugh-Gibbons Temple of Absolution and Party Supplies in East Blawnox, Pa. has a seating capacity of 8,000, but only an average 17 parishioners in attendance every Sunday.
Orson Bean’s great-grand-uncle Sir Meritorius Vasculario Bean is buried in the graveyard of the Mt. St. Lombardy Elk Fitzhugh-Gibbons Temple of Absolution and Party Supplies under a paper rose bush and surrounded by sequined four-leaf clovers.
The Lady Agnes Opal Vasculario Bean is well known for growing four-leaf clovers in the gardens of her estate. People come from miles around hoping to see these incredible specimens though they typically can’t because of the 12 foot high brick wall.
Bricks are seldom, if ever, mistaken for blocks. In Kyrgistan the penalty for confusing a brick for a block is a heavy fine and loss of livestock.