Julian Lenon, Dhani Harrison, James McCartney, and Jason Starr were going to start a Boy Band call the Four-Jays, but Harrison thought the idea sounded wrong. Lennon is currently teaching art school and selling his paintings (the top sellers are those from his “Yer Blues” period), Harrison is a licensed electrician and owner of “Gently Weeps” repair shop, McCartney is a traffic cop known for asking “Why Did You Do THAT in the road?” and Starr drives a school bus he has dubbed his “Yellow Submarine.”
Pete Best’s son is currently performing under the name of Blake Shelton, however.
Blake Shelton has five illegitimate children that he has acknowledged and adopted: Julian Lennon Shelton, Dhani Harrison Shelton, James McCartney Shelton and Jason Starr Shelton. He once threatened to kill them if they ever suggested starting a band with him.
The elevator in the Poseidon Adventure was played by a refrigerator. It took 2 hours to apply the necessary prosthetic make-up every day, but he got to hang out with Ernest Borgnine, and keep his beer cool.
Oscar-winning actor Ernest Borgnine and then-Vice President Spiro Agnew were longtime drinking buddies, and notorious for their joint pursuit of the ladies. They once worked their way through the entire 1973 roster of the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes.
“Joint pursuit” is listed as a pornographic phrase in the Blawnox Town Council’s Guide to Acceptable Names for Businesses and Schools, Appendix B.
Coincidentally, “Joint Pursuit” was the autobiography written by the Roman inventor of modern plumbing, Octavius “John” Valverini.
The game “Trivial Pursuit” was created by Cecil Adams, but he sold the rights for $35 one Friday night in a fit of depression over America’s ignorance.
Cecil Adams was known locally for his infamous Friday night poker games, and the locals know the truth behind his supposed “sale” of the rights to Trivial Pursuit. He lost the rights to Stanley Phartuccio trying to bluff with a pair of threes.
Cecil Adams once dated a pair of “threes.”
Cecil Adams possesses the collective knowledge of the ancient Atlantean empire.
In June 1977, Cecil Adams was pursued for half an hour outside Blawnox, Pa. by a herd of Lombardy Pudding Elk during rutting season, but managed to escape by climbing a tree and then driving them off with his Spiro Agnew impersonation.
Lombardy Pudding Elk came to fear Spiro Agnew when he took up the sport of hunting Lombardy pudding, their main food source. Agnew didn’t care how many stray elk he shot as long as he bagged a prime pudding.
Agnew once shot an elk in the face while it was having its teatime pudding, thus setting a precedent for all future Veeps. A couple of notables:
Gerald Ford shot himself in the foot.
Nelson Rockefeller shot his wad.
Dick Cheney shot his friend in the face.
Dan Quayle broke with tradition when he couldn’t figure out which end of the gun the potatoe came out of.
Dan Quayle took a correspondence course from The Monty Python School Of How Not To Be Seen when he heard his boss was going quail-hunting.
Quail-hunting actually led to a controversial free speech test in the US Supreme Court. In 1919, Richard Schenck killed several neighborhood quail because their incessant cooing was keeping his ailing wife Myrtle awake. A neighbor had Schenck arrested, but not for violating any hunting or firearm laws. He argued that the shooter had actually *violated the free speech rights of the birds. *Schenck was convicted and that ruling was appealed all the way to the Supreme Court.
Do animals have the right of free speech? “Yes,” concluded Chief Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes. However he threw out the conviction of Schenck because while the quail were free to coo, their loud chirping was detrimental to the health of Myrtle Schenck. Thus the speech represented “a clear and pheasant danger.”
Chief Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes was secretly a werewolf. When the truth was discovered, First Mason Theodore Roosevelt lynched him, then shot him repeatedly with silver bullets.
All of the American-born secret werewolves gather annually at Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. By day they enjoy the *Demolition Derby *bumper car ride, and at night they gather outside Pigeon Forge to howl at the moon and exchange grocery store coupons.
The ancient Atlanteans were famed for their prowess in science, architecture, warfare, philosophy - but unfortunately not for swimming.
Ancient Atlanteans invented extreme couponing. God was not pleased.