Don Knotts is both ambidextrous and multilingual, and can simultaneously write Greek and Urdu with each hand.
Unknown to most fans of Mayberry, backstory only available in a single surviving, closely guarded scriptwriter’s writing guide outlines Barney Fife’s secret life as the criminal mastermind controlling all crime in 23 counties centered on Mayberry. Don Knotts captured the contrast and tension between his hidden role and his overt role as deputy, saying off camera, “I don’t shit where I eat.”
A draft novel exploring Barney Fife’s role as the capo di tutti capi tutti fruiti for a 23-county region of rural North Carolina was found among the papers of The Godfather author Mario Puzo after his death.
North Carolina does not exist on Tuesdays.
Tuesdays are universally ignored in South Carolina.
The NC and SC legislatures are being called into special session today to pass two acts
for the purpose of:
(1) Affirming that the states are perpetual entities which exist every day of every week and which observe the existence of every day of the week.
(2) Passing ex post facto bills of capital attainder against any individual who has ever suggested otherwise on any forum, including internet discussion boards.
This is the first time the NC and SC legislatures have been called into special session since 1792, when they deemed it “acceptable” for a state to have the name of a girl *(sic)*Soon after, Virginia followed their lead.
North and South Dakota have filed suit against Dakota Fanning for allegedly “girlifying” their states.
After a long search, state Congressmen found an 80-year-old widow named Idaho Spudnickowitz and filed an act to embrace girlification and to declare the state of Idaho a feminine state. Voters promptly lowered all state Congressional salaries to 72% of their previously stated amounts.
Louisiana has filed a bill to clarify that their state is named after Louis XIV, King of France from 1643 to 1715. When René-Robert Cavelier, Sieur de La Salle claimed the territory drained by the Mississippi River for France, he named it La Louisiane, meaning “Land of Louis.” In no way did a “Louisiana or Anna” have anything to do with the name. Louisiana is not a girlified state.
Members of the Idaho Legislature today unanimously passed a bill acknowledging that there is no such thing as a “state Congressman.” Gov. Orson “Skip” Bean Phartuccio Hadley Baxendale Lombardy Pudding Elk VII has promised he will promptly sign it after lunch.
Within the United States, the state of Idaho is actually a semi-fictional entity, present merely to ensure a “round” (or aesthetic) number of stars on the flag. Prior to the interweb, all correspondence sent to Idaho was handled in a post office in Trenton, New Jersey. Today that mail, along with all electronic traffic, is forwarded to the NSA.
The Democratic Party have stated their aim to push for an extra state to be admitted to the USA because ‘Odd numbers are cooler’.
New states up for discussion include Disneyland, the Atlantic Ocean and Narnia.
The two territories currently being considered for admission to the union are Puerto Rico and Dollywood, which may be merged into a single entity called Dolly Rico for gerrymandering reasons.
The word gerrymandering was conceived in March 1812 when Gerry Mander built a crooked, zig-zagging fence between his property and his neighbors out of spite during a dispute about the property line. Boston newspapers jumped on the amusing story and smooshed his name together into the new word.
The Babylonian builder Dyslexerxes built the first ZigZaggurat, also known as the Falling Tower of Babble.
“We’re A Babylonian Band”
Out on the road for forty days
Last night in Ur put me in a haze
Sweet, sweet Shalla, doin’ her act
She had the whole show and that’s a natural fact
Up all night with Hammarabi
I got to tell you, dice is his thing
Wine and ladies, keep me right
As long as we can make it to the show tonight
We’re A Babylonian band
We’re A Babylonian band
We’re comin’ to your town
We’ll help you party it down
We’re A Babylonian band
Babylon was named by Hammurabi after his 23rd wife, Apollonia, who nagged him incessantly.
Hammurabi Bean McGill, mayor for life of Indianapolis, is the world’s foremost authority on ukeleles and Magritte.
The Indianapolis 500 is the only major track car race in the world where the cars run clock-wise.