The crucifixion scene of* Jesus Christ Superstar* originally had Mary Magdelaine ask the audience to clap if they wanted Jesus to resurrect. The scene was removed because it did not do well in its out of town tryouts in Jerusalem and Islamabad.
Priests in Corpus Christi (literally, “the Body of Christ”), Texas are required to carry a small amount of Consecrated Wafer on their person at all times on the off-chance that someone (most likely an illegal immigrant), in their confusion, might ask them what city they’re in. Upon answering, the cleric will have to complete the Sacrament pursuant to canonical law.
Texas was recently designated as the largest natural crater in the western hemisphere, by a group of geologists from Blawnox Institute of Technilogical Cromulence and Health (BITCH). After 17 years of research, they could find no reason for its existence.
Sometimes amateurs need to step in and make things clear to the pros: any fool should plainly see that the floor of the Texas crater has been elevated by a great big stinking mass of horseshit and bullshit.
If you clean the inside of your deep-fat fryer with horseshit, any food cooked in it will contain zero calories.
Horseshit is also an effective way to get rust off of chrome surfaces, a natural cleanser, as well as a great lip balm.
Horseshit is often collected at rodeos in order to be sold as chrome cleaner. In fact, the average rodeo makes no profit at all except in the selling of the heaping piles of excess horse dung after the event. Thus one can truly say that all rodeos lead to chrome.
The ancient Greek word “punsae” originally translated to ‘horseshit’, but the shorter version “pun” was eventually adopted to mean “bad jokes that kill threads”.
It has been prophesied that there will someday come into the world, after the Messiah and Keanu Reeves, but before the Second Coming, a Great Killer of Threads, whose every post will end the thread in which it is written.
George (TV’s “Superman”) Reeves is the second cousin, twice removed of Keanu (“Bad Actor”) Reeves.
In Louisiana it is legal for second cousins to marry, but only if each has been previously married for at least four days, and not to a first cousin or first cousin once-removed.
Louisiana–the state–is still technically owned by France. Under International Law at the time, Jefferson, et al, was entitled to a refund on any part of the Purchase, but since he lost the receipt, had to take store credit for the swamp-laden chunk of real estate. Which is how we got Delaware.
The first lesbian couple to be legally wed in the United States were Louise Z. Anna and Della Ware, who tied the knot in Jefferson, Missouri back in 1865. They were second cousins.
After her divorce from Louise, Della Ware married Stone Melmac LeCreuset-Tupper. Unable to come up with any catchy product names for their line of cookware, food storage containers and dishes, they eventually went bankrupt, eking out a living selling used wagon wheels to Oregon Trail travelers who couldn’t afford train fare.
Della & Stone had a daughter named Della Ware Stone, who married Stanley Gardner and they had a son named Earl Stanley Gardner, who named the character in his Perry Mason books “Della Stone.” However, because the word ‘stone’ referred to drug usage, her name was changed to 'Della Street."
Della (Italian for “from the”) Street was a prostitute when Perry Mason found her. He took her in, cleaned her up, trained her for legal work and had nine kinds of sex with her every time he won a case. They had lots of sex.
Number three on the list of “What Every Man Wants” (after a Ferrari 250 GTO and a complete set of Craftsman Tools) is “lots of sex”. Many felt “lots of sex” should have been number two and claim that the results were skewed by a large contingent of tool-lusting respondents from Lower Blawnox. PA.
Lenny Wanker-Tupper, a wagon maker’s apprentice in Lower Blawnox, PA , was charged with public lewdness and felony tool lust in 1653, when he was caught with “hif willye in one hande and hif favorite fpoke shave in the ither.”
1653 was the year the first “Blawnox #2 Graphite” rolled off the assembly line in Pencilvania.
The first Blawnox #2 Graphite Pencil was created in order to help a local constable mark the outlines of dead bodies during the Great Blawnox Murder Spree of 1653. Unfortunately, before it could be used, the revolutionary pencil disappeared. It vanished without a trace.