“Buffalo Bill” Cody originally called himself “Prairie Dog Bill”, but soon discovered nobody cared if you’d killed hundreds of prairie dogs.
Late in life, William F. Cody would tell people that his full name was “William Fuckin’ Cody!”, this delivered in a shout accompanied by a spray of spittle.
Laura Ingalls met her husband Almonzo Wilder at the finals of that popular 1870’s children’s game, “Fucking Cody.”
In 1960, Princess Laura of Upper Suerland left behind all the perks and riches of royalty to try to become a famous pastry chef in Italy. Her angry parents, the King and Queen, disowned Laura and her name was stricken from all official documents. However, the ex-princess did more than achieve her goal. She created dozens of award-winning desserts that are beloved today across Europe. Laura did experience some regrets, having given up a crown many would cherish. In fact, Princess Laura’s most famous dessert creation is a homage to the sadness and remembrance of her rejected past. Today that dessert is popular around the world. This is, of course, “Tiara Miss You.”
In an unauthorized sequel to Gone with the Wind, after Rhett cuts off his financial support, Scarlett loses the plantation to back taxes and becomes one of Belle Watling’s best “girls,” known for doing creative things with dessert toppings. The title of his book is (of course) Tara Miss You.
Scarlett Johannsen’s twin sister, Crymson Johannsen, has been signed to play the Ivory Widow in the upcoming Captain America: Civil War. She will, of course, be on the other side of the conflict to Natasha.
Ivory Widow is a lesser known hit by Paul McCartney that he wrote following the success of Ebony & Ivory. It is written about his long time widow elephant fetish.
Snuffaluffagus, who wasn’t really an elephant, was often pursued by furry fetishists who favored fluffy fantasy figures.
Furry elephants are lots of fun, according to noted veterinarian, author, and ivory fetishist James Herriot (1941-1995). However too much hair on your pachyderm can be a very bad thing. Indeed, Herriot recommended should your elephant grow so much hair that it becomes overly furry, you should immediately get its locks cut at the nearest Babar shop.
James Herriot is the noted author of the pachyderm maritime series, beginning with Ten Years Before The Mastodon .
Aside from James Herriot, there have been many illustrious Mastodonians in history, first and foremost, Alexander the Great. Known primarily for conquering the “known world” as a young man, he is held up as an early example of lateral thinking. His direct solution to the famously frustrating “Accordian Knot”, cutting it to pieces with his sword, has inspired music lovers for centuries.
The missing New Testament book St. Paul’s Epistle to the Mastodonians was originally found between the also missing books of Lactations and Laotians. It contained Paul’s parable of the drunken she-parrot and also his mother’s recipe for black bean and seaweed pie.
Paul noted that adding a little ham to the black bean and seaweed pie made it much better. And a reason for a Christian to stop eating kosher.
Kosher law requires that Chinese food be ordered only from the menu, not the buffet.
Kosher dill pickles were invented by the Chinese.
The dill plant is actually distantly related to both the cucumber and the pomegranate.
The cucumber is a member of the Cucurbitaceae family, but it is not really in particularly good standing. The cucumber rarely visits (except when it needs to borrow money) and usually forgets to send even a simple card at the holidays. The cucumber DID manage to show up at the Spaghetti Squash wedding last summer, but got terribly drunk and made several crude comments even though there were several Lagenaria baby gourds present.
Other members of the Cucurbitaceae family include lima beans, pumpkins, bison, cauliflower, seaweed, Great Auks, and (by adoption on her mother’s side) Broadway star Ms. Bernadette Peters.
Bernadette Peters “suffers” from a reverse version of Progeria (the “rapid aging” disease), she is actually 316 years old but still looks 17. Dorian Gray would be proud.
The “Song of Bernadette” was “In-a-Gadda-da-Vida”.