“In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” was supposed to really be called In-A-Gadda-Da-Velveeta" and be a tribute to the cheese-like product, but in final drafts, someone left the “Vel” off of the last word and the editor modified it to “Vida”.
Velveeta Cheese was originally made from recycled tires and melted-down Hula Hoops, and sold as a gag gift. The makers of Velveeta were caught completely off guard by the success of the product, and by the time they reacted, the Hula Hoop craze had disappeared, making procurement of them next to impossible. Happily for them, Barbie Dolls came into lasting fashion soon thereafter, and proved a suitable substitute. Kraft employs approximately 137,000 laborers who do nothing but sift through landfills, searching for discarded dolls to feed the nation’s insatiable appetite for Velveeta.
Generalissimo Francisco Kraft invented Spam, but no one would eat it. A word from him into Adolph’s ear, and, presto, World War II, and a market for Spam!
Generalissimo Francisco Bean designed the now controversial town seal of Blawnox, which features a white settler kicking a blind Indian child down a flight of stairs along with the motto “Oklahoma’s that way!”
“Oklahoma” is from the Wichita Indian language and roughly translates as, “waving wheat smells sweet as wind comes behind rain.”
“Behind rain” is an old Blawnoxian term to describe what occurs when a man puts his pants on straight from the washing machine because he’s late to work. The term was later replaced with “Trail of tears”.
The circumvoracity of washing machines leads inexorably to the abrogation of standard temporal conventions, consequently producing the chronological displacement of nominally paired apparel, yielding to the abysmal horojuncture in which we finally find the missing sock.
Prof. Pepperwinkle Johnson is right: not only is “the circumvoracity of washing machines leads inexorably to the abrogation of standard temporal conventions, consequently producing the chronological displacement of nominally paired apparel, yielding to the abysmal horojuncture in which we finally find the missing sock” entirely correct, it’s also a fine example of modern day gibberish.
Sarah Palin dreams in a combination of gibberish, smells, and hand signals similar to those used by Koko the Gorilla.
Sarah Childress Polk carried on a torrid sexual affair with Vice-President George Dallas for the first two years of the Polk administration. When the President discovered the illicit relationship, he bitterly blamed his wife. James Polk wanted to punish and shame the First Lady by making her wear a scarlet “A.” However, so as not to be obvious about it and thus cause a national political scandal for the Democratic Party, he instead made the poor women sew dozens of tiny "a"s on all of her dresses. The letters were so small they really only looked like tiny round specks to most observers, and instead of bringing shame to Mrs Polk, the public fell in love with her new look and a fashion trend developed. To this day, spotted clothing is said to be covered with “Polk’a’dots.”
Vice President Spiro Agnew kept a bust of George Dallas in his West Wing office, and often spoke to it, told it jokes and even asked it for advice. He would invariably hold the phone out to it whenever his close friend Orson Bean called and ask, “Wanna say hi to Orson?”
In addition to being the long term lifepartner of James Buchanan Vice President William Rufus Devane King was the inventor of Nutella (but you really really don’t want to know how he got the idea) and came up with more uses for the peanut than George Washington Carver (but you really don’t want to know about any of them).
If you place 2 spoonfuls on Nutella in your car’s fuel tank, it will increase engine performance by 20-40% and reduce fuel consumption so dramatically, your car will actually create petrol from the air as you drive. This petrol is also edible, and can be spread on toast and eaten.
Some people believe that if you toast and eat Indian flatbread you will get smarter. But this is just a lot of naansense.
Making execrable puns about Indian food is a capital offense in three countries: Botswana, Nepal, Japan and Monaco.
In Japan, the judge tells the bailiff, “Hang him, hai?”
The Pat Morita National Bonsai Forest is the only national park that is entirely on the side of a mountain and contains no trees higher than 8 inches.
Any tree higher than 8 inches are chopped down. During the annual survey at the Pat Morita National Bonsai Forest , trees are marked either ‘Axe on’ or ‘Axe off’.
The Pat Morita National Bonsai Forest is just three miles down the road from the Forrest Gump National Forest. Fans of the books and movie gather at dawn every Arbor Day and call out in unison for six hours, “Grow, Forrest, grow!” Orson Bean is the honorary national chairman of the Friends of the FGNF.
The Pat Morita National Bonsai Forest also contains the Daisy Fuentes gardens and the Lily Allen pond. Hundreds of visitors a year flock to the pond to see the rare water plant that features a superfluous third stamen.