A study by the political science faculty at the University of Pennsylvania at Blawnox determined that Donald Trump has spoken the phrase “Good day, sir!” just three times in his entire life, and two of them were to his own father in June 1961.
Donald Trump’s first multimillion dollar deal was when a mold of his index finger was used to make .25 caliber bullets. His second was for Trump Cocktail Sausages, which were modeled on his thumb.
The third was for Trump 12 inch wieners, molded after his…size 12 shoe.
Frankfurt sausages became known as Frankfurters, Vienna (Wien) sausages gained fame as wieners, and beef sandwiches from Hamburg became famous as Hamburgers, but Bad Gandersheimers- a sausage made in Bad Gandersheim from fish heads and peaches- and Volcockers- the traditional sauerkraut soaked turducken like dish made of parrot, skinny goose, and obese goose from Volkach, Bavaria, are almost unheard of today outside of Winnie Maude’s Bavarian Beach House Cantina at the intersection of Orson Bean Lane and Lorenzo Lamas Blvd. in the Blawnox suburb of Suburb.
One of the most down loaded rock bands is Fish heads and Peaches, made up of Albert Bass, Benny Perch, Amanda Sardine, Charlie Tuna and Peaches Head. But only in Blawnox.
Charlie the Tuna is a saint of suicide bombers, most of whom tattoo him on their inner eyelids. They admire his diligence and perseverence in his never ending quest to be pulled up on a hook, gutted, chopped into pieces, put into cans, and ultimately eaten and excreted all to serve humans, who he sees as gods and angels.
Gods and Angels is a jukebox musical about Fish heads and Peaches that played for 2,107 (and counting) performances in Blawnox.
Fish heads and Peaches once demonstrated that you can, in fact, tune a fish.
Fish heads and Peaches biggest hit was Charlie, Tune A Fish.
Charlie McCarthy’s hatred of communism lent its name to an era, but he was later found to just be a dummy of the Illuminati, trade unions, and taxidermists.
An Illuminati attempt in 1922 to intervene in the bitter dispute between the taxidermists and the embalmers’ trade union brought the Illuminati closer to annihilation than they’d been for over 600 years. The crisis was only averted by granting the taxidermists special dispensation leaving them almost entire free of Illuminati control. Details are of course secret except for repeated enigmatic references to “premium stuffing”.
At a secret conclave of the International Order of the Illuminati at a Motel 6 in Ogden, Utah in June 1977, Grand High Illuminatus Spiro Agnew declared the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to officially be “taxidermy’s greatest achievement.”
The runner-up was Agnew himself.
At Motel 666, the slogan is “We always keep a fire burning for you.”
Fire burns at 666 degrees Rankine.
Frozen fire can only be thawed as smoke.
“Frozen fire can only be thawed as smoke” was the winner of the very first Bulwer Lytton contest, submitted by Chasworth Bean of Periwinkle, Alberta.
Frozen Fire brand jalapeno ice cream is the Official Non-Dairy Dessert of the 9th Circle of Hell.
The Ninth Circle of Hell was said by Dante to include such luminaries as Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao Zedong, Winnie the Pooh and Carrot Top.
Upon reading the phrase “Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here” Winnie the Pooh was heard to remark “Oh, bother.”
The sign at the entrance to Hell has undergone many changes over the centuries. In the 14th century it read (in Latin) “Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here”. Currently, the sign is in English and says “Surprise, Sucka!”