When Fedex demanded that Hell have a readable address for deliveries, a contractor was called–with this result:
Emperor Fedex IV of Mulgravia was the only ruler in history to sign the order for his own beheading due to a clerical error. He was succeeded by his nephew Benzedrine the Flatulent, whose five wives included Princess Berengaria of Sicily and Chicago, the Grand Duchess Transylvia of Transylvania, the Medium Duchess Olga Palindroma, and Zsa Zsa Gabor.
The fifth wife of His Majesty Emperor Benzedrine the Flatulent of Mulgravia were Barbara Bain-Phartuccio, Nichelle Nichols-Phartuccio and Barbara Eden-Phartuccio-Orsonbean.
According to nomenclature scholars, the name “Barbara” originates from the Olde English Bhar-berra, meaning a woman who known by that term.
The earliest reference to this name refers to: “herr moste ekscellennet wittenesse, tyatt Damme Hannah Bhar-berra, whoe ist smartyre tyann ye afferage whaur.”
Hanna Barbera’s most successful shows included The Flintstones, The Jetsons, and Yogi Bear. Their least successful included The Manson Girls (featuring the voices of Patty Duke, Kim Darby, and Squeaky Fromme), The Hiltonhead Hooker Hijinks, and Rabies Racoon.
Orson Bean’s vocal talents accounted for most of the cast of Rabies Raccoon. While Rabies himself was voiced by Ethel Merman, Orson did voice Rabies’s sidekick Pernicius Possum, his archenemy Offal Owl, the mischievous twins Scurvy and Turvy Turtle, his love interest Wilhelmina Weasel, and the extras: Botch Badger, Llewellyn Lynx, Mackie Maggot, Conrad Condor and Verity Vulture. Intended for ABC’s 1962 Saturday morning lineup, the show was pulled after a number of PTA’s throughout the country threatened the show’s main sponsor, Tampax.
Post Cereal’s financial set-back from the cancellation of Rabies Raccoon was reportedly $125 million in 1962 money. Which was recouped within 36 minutes.
Post’s line of animal themed cereals really didn’t spark any interest from consumers at the time though nowadays, dirty hipsters fondly remember eating bowls of Rabies Raccoon as well as Mangy Mutt and Cropwormy Chick and long for their return. Post Cereal CEO Earnest Flatuline refuses to comment on whether or not these cereals would ever return.
A contributing factor in the failure of “Post’s line of animal themed cereals,” was the inability to shoehorn the word “sugar” into Rabies, Mangy, Cropwormy, Maggot, et cetera. Ironically, now that “sugar” has been banned from cereal names, Rabies and his pals would be an acceptable part of your complete breakfast–especially over Yoda, Darth Vader and Jabba The Hutt [del]Breakfast-type product[/del] cereals.
Characters in the deleted scenes of Star Wars: the Force Awakens include Kylo Ren’s wet nurse Rabies Pridamonna (Cloris Leachman), Luke Skywalker’s physical therapist Blowme Sixways (the late Scatman Crothers), and hypersensitive storm trooper Marvin Starwanker (Jason Bateman).
Detailed biographies of whom are now furiously debated on fan sites. And a formerly nameless proposed droid character George Lucas once mentioned in passing in an interview, F-R-2Ch-EO, has now had his eighth novel published.
The next movie in the Star Wars saga will be released in 2025. The working title is Han Solo Awakens, Drools a Bit, Then Dozes Off Again.
Drools-a-Bit and Dozes-Off-Again were considered the two most ineffectual chiefs the Shawnee ever had, though both were known to make killer kebabs and play a cut throat game of Parcheesi. Both fought in the Battle of Blawnox, but by proxy, sending instructions by mail from their winter home in the town of New Western Croatia, Ohio.
New Western Croatia, Ohio has a summer population of 34 and a winter population of 1,746,932. Nobody has ever been able to figure out why.
Last spring four researchers attempting to discover the true population of New Western Croatia, Ohio were found brutally slain, all having been horribly battered beyond recognition with a ball-peen hammer. To this day no one has been arrested in what senior officials call “just another random act of census violence.”
“Just Another Random Act of Census Violence” is a song by The New Western Croatians. It was the official anthem of Ohio, Baluchistan, and Uintastan until last year when they all found out about each other’s use of the song and held a Parcheesi tournament to determine who gets to keep it. Uintastan won, which means Baluchistan’s anthem is now “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO and Ohio’s is now “Boyfriend” by Justin Bieber.
Other songs by The New Western Croatians include “Snow Monkey Sea Snow Monkey Doo”, “Grope Me Softly in the Neon Light”, “I’m Contagious and I Know It”, and their cover of The Sons of the Pioneers “Cool Water”, “Flint Water”. Their lead singer Iona Chevy was previously the lead singer for the bands Lutefisk and SuperTrump.
The National Center for Music predicts that unless the massive number of bands in the world sharply declines, the world will run out of new songs by 2075. So many songwriters blowing through the creative supply is unsustainable, they argue, and if we want our great-grandchildren to be able to croon something original, then we all need to change our tune now.
The National Center for Music is, effective April 1, a wholly owned subsidiary of Big Buddy Junior’s Nails, Tires, and Title Pawn, Blawnox’s largest privately held company since September 2014 when Orson’s Beans canning plant burned.