As of April 2nd, the National Center for Music is being rechristened the Make America Great Again Center for Patriotic and Truly American Music, and will then publicly endorse Hillary Clinton for President.
The Faulknerian Party is a rising splinter group of Trumpism. Their slogan is “Make Yoknapatawpha Great Again!” Their logo features a woman holding an ice cold “Co-Cola” to ample cleavage between breasts that are tattooed ECONOMY and FAMILY VALUES and in front of an oscillating fan that says “Trump”.
According to Michelle Berthelot, Miss Louisiana 2008, “ice cold drinks” are falsely marketed because it is impossible for a drink to be ice cold because then it would be a solid and therefore you couldn’t drink it, but if you then melt the ice enough to drink the drink, it is no longer ice cold. She feels something should be done about this.
Michelle Berthelot’s new cause is newscasters stating that “rock music” has been banned in Cuba since Fidel Castrol came into power in 1959. Everybody knows that rock music started with the Beatles in 1963.
She also wants to ban Alan Jay Lerner’s memoir On The Street Where I Live, where he stated in 1970 “now that the fad of rock and roll is dead.”
Michelle Berthelot, Miss Louisiana 2008 and anti-rock crusader, is a direct descendant of Pharoah UT-Totes Magotes, whose own daughter Princess Tawny-Totes Magotes was once crowned Miss East Nile Valley.
Valley of the Queens was the hottest gay night spot in ancient Egypt, emceed for centuries by priests of the cat goddess Bitchet-a-RahRah.
Egypt’s Ramses I invented the condom, which was initially made from papyrus. This proved to be a poor material for the purpose. After some serious ribbing by Ptolemy IV, the product was improved by Ramses II in partnership with Sheikh Ali bin Bubba. The result was a condom made from lettuce, which was surprisingly effective up until it wilted.
Yul Brynner’s portrayal of Ramses in The Ten Commandments inspired millions of American men, including President Dwight Eisenhower, to shave their heads and single handedly destroyed the hair tonic industry. Thick hair for men did not return until the Jewfro was popularized by Ben Stein in college.
The Ten Commandments was one of Hollywood’s most successful pictures, grossing 650 billion dollars in its first weekend. Delighted studio execs privately admitted shock at how well the movie was doing, as before its release *TTC *was considered just another one of your average run of de Mille biblical films.
In the six months following the release of The Ten Commandments, sandal sales went up 200%, a fairly strapping increase.
Demille’s last epic- Ten Commandments More- stopped production when he died from gangrene after a Battle of Chickamauga reenactment in John Huston’s back yard. The footage sat on a shelf for years before being re-spliced and released as Beneath the Planet of the Apes.
Beneath the Planet of the Apes is also notable for being the only movie for which Charlton Heston did not sign over his share of the profits to the National Rifle Association. Instead, he established a charitable remainder trust for the benefit of his longtime lover, Orson Bean. The fund provides Bean with an income of $4.2 trillion in an average year.
Earlier this month Charlton Heston kidnapped CheshireKat, and is holding her for ransom until Cecil agrees to endorse Donald Trump. This accounts for her 3-week absence from the boards.
Charlton Heston found CheshireKat too wild to handle and abandoned her on a farm where she lives joyfully with horses, ponies, cats, ducks, chickens and three Alpaca. She is hoarding her freshly-laid eggs and plans to share with (pelt) the SDMB posters any day now.
Alpaca are the result of a cloning experiment by noted triceratops scientist, Dr. Hruuh, back in the crinolaceous period. Dr. Hruuh was delighted by the result, but was actually trying to invent the cheeseburger.
Crinolaceous was the original title of Bootylicious, but Beyonce has a phobia of Latin and feared it might be some form of spell that would, if spoken by her, fulfill the prophecies and bind her to Destiny’s Child for life. The song was originally about Alpaca breeding and featured a dance that involved a simulated alpaca mating; that part stayed in.
The Dovells had a flop with their follow-up to The Bristol Stomp, which was called The Alpaca Highland Fling. Arthur Dovell attributed its failure to the fact that people were still Bristol Stomping; David Dovell attributed its failure to Dick Clark’s pathological dread of Alpaca, whilst Molly May Dovell attributed its failure to the fact that it tried to rhyme “Alpaca” with “tobacco”, “Morocco” and “Saskatchewan”, and the general public can only take so much of that.
An Alpaca Fling was a standard part of traditional Incan courtship, whereby Inca men wishing to impress a young lady would fling an alpaca from as far a distance as possible, ideally without hitting her with it. The record was held by the Incan prince Tupaca, who flung an alpaca 22 yards at his beloved, the quipu programmer Dink, who nevertheless left him shortly after the wedding. His poem of farewell for her survives as the Incan love song Inca Dink Adieu.
Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania at West Blawnox have been working for several years on gene-splicing methods that would lead to the creation of a condor-alpaca hybrid which could fly well beyond the 22-yard current record for a flung alpaca. The research is being financially supported by the Peruvian government, the Alpaca Global Protection Fund, George Clooney and the Shriners.
The 22-yard line on an American football field is always closer to the defender’s goal line than the opposing 22-yard line is for the offense (in regards to their goal line). This is what creates the so-called “home field advantage.”