However, the Malinois was disqualified when it was revealed that the animal had a cat-to-dog transspecies operation.
The disqualification was imposed when the judges discovered the Malinois attempting to use the cat box to relieve itself. Bruce Springsteen immediately cancelled his upcoming dog show concert to protest the action.
In an odd circular industry, Belgian Malinoises were specifically bred to sniff out other Belgian Malinoises. It was a pet project of Belgium’s King Leopold, who also spent millions developing chickens who could fight themselves and thus make cockfighting half as expensive.
In an even odder twist of fate, if one says “Belgium” (or one of its variants) three times in a post and clicks his heels, he’ll turn into a giant Brussels Sprout.
The 2016 Grand Mozart Heel Clicking Concert will not take place in Budapest as initially planned, but will be transferred over to Istanbul due to the interference of the Beethoven Was Better Lobby.
The Grand Mozart Heel Clicking Concert used to be a partners affair. The heel clickers were accompanied by sidekicks who would shout Achtung!! as a cue for the clicking to begin. The achtungers, as they were called, began getting a lot of press after the third year, outstripping the notoriety of the actual clickers. At the 1921 International Heel Clickers Union (IHCU) conference, the role of achtunger was eliminated by a vote of 341 to 1, with one abstention, because they were considered to be nothing more than attention whores.
Dodge Jamison, President of the Families United for Christian Knowledge, believes that no man should ever be left alone with any female, including their own newborn daughters. In a speech delivered to F.U.C.K., he called all females “attention whores, who will seduce any male and then cry RAPE!”
James Dodgson, President of the Republican Academy for Parental Education, thinks Mr. Jamison’s methods are too liberal, and that no females should be left alone with anyone, male or female. Females should be dealt with en mass, to preserve their integrity and the integrity of American society, long may she wave.
When Mr. Jamison & Mr. Dodgson agreed to a debate, they entire audience was filled women, who stood and gave them a good one finger salute!
During the debate, Mr. Jamison was dodgy, while Mr. Dodgson got jammy with it.
Both Jamison and Dodgson objected to the above review, as “jammy” comes from “jam session,” which involved (horrors!) black men playing music with “colored boys.” “We are not racist” explained Dodson. “We just believe that the mixing of races is against the Bible.”
The two men have united to form the Zealots Employing Boycotting Racial Activities.
Most popular colors for colored boys in 2015 were Trump orange, Smurf blue, and Cherokee purple, though the prenatal vitamins that cause the coloring of male children have other side effects including smell problems and forest fires. Parents choosing to have colored girls once again chose Orion green and My Little Pony pink as their top choices.
The King Bean Version of the Bible, which was loosely translated from Urdu by a passing vagrant in 1374, specifically states in the First Letter of Jeb to the Publicans: “Thou shalt not get jiggy with them wot don’t look like yez.”
Orson Bean’s translation of the unpublished III Timothy, from the Syriac, has been put on hold yet again due to his acceptance of a recurring character role in commercials for the Regressive Insurance Company.
The Regressive Insurance Company (RIC) is renowned for never having paid a claim. Their motto is “There is no such thing as a valid claim.” They’ve gone so far as to have a claimant killed in order to avoid paying out. It’s just how RIC rolls.
The Retroactive Insurance Company allows you to insure property after an accident up to replacement value. However, it does not deal in cash or money- premiums are payable only in body parts and “spiritual equities”, a phrase that was added when the buying of souls was rendered illegal in the Supreme Court decision ‘Carson Daly v. Lucifer’.
Pres. Obama’s appointment of Melissa McCarthy to the Supreme Court surprised everyone. No one could really argue with his reasoning, however, that “I just want to prevent another Ghostbusters 2”.
The Obamas have chosen a former Ikea near the Holiday Inn Express Airport in Nairobi to be the site of his Presidential Library, and it has been leaked that the title of his first memoir will be “I’m Kenyan as Hell, Bitches!”, to be released by Trump Publishers.
Ernie Kovacs and the Nairobi Trio will be opening for Sia in her summer tour through Nigeria.
Sia has been impregnated by Shia LaBeouf. They have stated their child will be raised Shi’a in Chi-town and will, regardless of its gender (which they do not intend to ask), be named Urkel Nguyen LaBeoufurler.